Please help me get over him, I am broken

[Summerdaysx]

Making a new thread as I need help.

Dp of 8 years left me & dd. (Have another thread - don't know how to link but it's called dp night out I don't want him to go).

I am completely broken. I can't accept that it's over, I am still hoping he will come back. Although he's telling me he won't.

I am in a permanent daze, crying when dd is out of sight. Constantly texting him telling him I miss him.

What can I do? Please help me. The pain is so bad

I feel like the pain is getting worse everyday. I can't stop thinking about him.

I know someone who has terminal cancer, her child also has cancer. The thought of her scenario always makes me pull myself up when I get upset or hopeless. You’ve got a child, she relies on you. Your ‘DP’ sounds like a gangrenous limb. Your best hope is he doesn’t come back . No contact and busy yourself with more important things.

@parsnipsnotsprouts that is utterly heartbreaking, I couldn't imagine that. I know that puts life in to perspective. I just can't imagine the thought of him being with someone else, it's too much to handle right now. DD is my main focus and always will be, just all this stuff is going on in my head, I put a brave face on for her but the reality is I feel I am falling apart.

Men have died and worms have eaten them, but not for love.
You need to buck up.

Heartbreak is the worst feeling you'll ever have. You maybe won't feel better this week, or next but one day you'll feel okay. You'll feel happy again, you'll love again, you won't always feel as bad as you do just now. It takes time though. Try find enjoyment in other things if you can at the moment.

Is getting dressed up and having a night out with friends possible soon?

xxx

@Tlollj believe me I am trying my hardest.

@rjacksmiss yes it is absolutley horrible. I can't stop thinking of him, I don't want to do anything, see anyone. I still parent and that will never stop, my dd isn't suffering in any way. But the pain I feel inside is horrible. I want him back so bad. I can't imagine him being with anyone else, I am sending myself off my head.

Oh you poor thing, it's such a horrible thing to experience. There's nothing worse. I've been through it. Who has not? But that's not to diminish what you're feeling because you're feeling it now

I think it makes you stronger in the end. I know now that no break up would ever derail me in the way ''that one'' did. I also went to the gp and she did not give me anti-depressants even though I really could have done of them so the myth that gps give out anti-depressants like smarties is so untrue.

There are a lot of youtube videos about healing from a breakup and they're useful. There are youtube hypnosis to help you feel less pain and to fall asleep.

I found crime books really useful when I was trying to get over the man who dumped me with a brutal shocking character assassination in 1999! I still remember it, but I look back on it now and it's an experience I learnt from.

For a while, every day will feel worse than the day before but after a while of no contact you will begin to feel a little bit better as the days pass. It's like an addiction to begin with.

OP. Imagine for a moment that it was you that had left him. You no longer want a relationship with him. If he then texted you constantly, begged and pleaded with you to come back, how would you feel? What would you be posting on MN? What would other people be saying - call the police? Get a restraining order?

Did you know though, that the healing process cannot start if you're still hoping he'll come back?

So start the healing process by deciding that you will never go back to somebody who caused you this pain. Decide that you're moving forward now. That way the healing process can start.

I did not do this :-/

I wasted so much time hoping he'd change his mind
He did not.

It's not your failing. If he didn't want you then it was his loss. How can the right person for you be somebody who didn't value you.

Sounds like cliches but it's so true. If he didn't want you, then he should lose you. xx

Although, I know it's really recent! You're still processing the shock.

Definitely clean OP! It’s not quite the same as I wasn’t in a relationship with this guy but when he left my life I was an absolute mess. DM suggested I scrub floors & it did help. So sorry that you’re struggling. I haven’t read the other threads or the whole of this one but I get the impression you could do better. Be kind to yourself 💐

Could you ask to see another doctor?

scroll through these OP, they do help

Thank you everyone.

I feel like texting him is reminding him how much I love him etc, so used to texting him anytime I needed him or whatever if he was out at work etc now it's hard to get used to the fact he is gone, he has told me he doesn't want me and it hurts so so much. I would do anything to have him back and us to be a family unit just now.

Will be speaking to doctor again tomorrow as I can't go on like this.

I don't know why I can't accept it's over, I feel out of my mind. He's told me several times it's over, but I'm still hoping he will change his mind. Maybe because the last time this happened he did change his mind and we were happy again. I know deep down it's not happening and he won't be back, I just can't accept it.

Maybe because the last time this happened he did change his mind and we were happy again.

Until you made a sensible request regarding budgeting as a family.

@KirstenBlest yes exactly. He can't see this though, he still can't! He thinks I was trying to control him regarding him going out etc which is not the case! Yes in the past I admit I acted jealous etc when he was on nights out, but he gave me reason to be like that.

Yes in the past I admit I acted jealous etc when he was on nights out, but he gave me reason to be like that.

See, this is the type of thought you need to be harnessing. A decent man would not give you reason to be jealous. He is not a decent man.
It's oft said oh MN when someone tells you who they are, believe them. Well, he has. Believe him.
I hope the doctor will give you something that can help, because it seems to me that you are imploding OP.

Op you're making yourself too available to him. As you have been begging him / pleading with him, he feels secure that you will be there if he decides the grass isn't greener. You need to back off and please try to accept it and know that you will be better one day. The problems that started the arguement will still be there even if he came back, but if he comes back you won't be able to call him out on his spending etc for fear he might leave again. You are better off without him. Bet he's not giving you any money for bills etc either. He's probably enjoying his full wage drinking it up celebrating the footy. Wonder if he will be back next week once football is over and he's out of money?! If he is, please don't be a mug and let him back in!

I think most people who’ve been through a painful break up on MN can really empathise with you. It is actually really bringing back memories for me reading your messages as I remember feeling this way.

Fast forward a year from my break up and I had made massive improvements to my life. Fast forward five years and when he randomly started trying to worm his way in out of the blue I absolutely cringed out, the thought of him made me squirm. Ten years later now, I’m happily married to a lovely, reliable, attractive man. He’s left a string of failed relationships behind him, the same untrustworthy, moody, controlling behaviour being used each time.

I know that it is absolutely impossible for you to see this now, but one day the thought of him will repulse you. Remember that every time you message him, you become less and less desirable to him. I know it’s too early for all this, as you need to have some time crumpled in a heap feeling sorry for yourself. But the absolute best thing you can do is never proactively contact him again, exercise regularly, think hard about what you want to do with your career/education/life and pursue it, get a haircut / manicure and remember you will never be along in life so long as you have DD.

Thank you all. Yes it is impossible for me to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel just now. I just feel devestated and he is enjoying his life as normal. I am trying to keep reminding myself of the bad points but I'm just so clouded by it all just now. I have stopped texting him now, he made it absolutley clear by asking for the remainder of his stuff back that there is no hope for us anymore. At this moment I feel broken and like a part of me is missing. I am trying to get through hour by hour just now. Can feel myself shutting off from the rest of the world.

Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart, you all don't know how much this thread is helping me get through each day x

op, if he is with someone else, he deserves that someone and it also means he doesnt have feelings for you. this will make the situation clear for you. it means he doesnt deserve your pain. in the long run it is for your advantage.

also, writing down your feelings really helps, almost as if your thoughts go down on a paper or a file and it frees you.

and i think your gp may prescribe you something to take the edge and help you to control your feelings. i think you need it now.

everything will get better, believe me.

@bluebell34567 he has promised me there is no1 else, he just wants "to do him". I honestly think he just wants to enjoy going out every weekend, not paying any bills and not having anyone to answer to.

Spoke to gp again on Friday who told me she wouldnt and couldn't prescribe me anything else, I just have to give the medication time to kick in. She said this can take around 6 weeks so definetley does not help me right now. I begged her for help and she said she couldn't do anything. I will try again tomorrow with a different gp.

I just can't believe he can just walk out after 8 years and not feel anything, it's all just playing over and over in my head.

I know how you feel. You will get better.
If he came back you'll always be walking on eggshells waiting for it to happen again.

Op there's no point in asking how you are feeling because I know exactly how you are and I woundnt wish it on anyone . They say it's the same kind of feeling as a bereavement. I left my ex because he kept going out and not coming home . We were together ten years and had a little girl . I thought he would realise that going out isn't all that and he would come back but he didn't . I was exactly like you . Couldn't sleep , eat , crying all the time . Especially the night . The weekends were so hard because I kept imaging him meeting someone else . He didn't reply to any of my texts . Every day I was begging him to come home . My daughter would cry for him . I look back now and think I was actually a crap mother for a while because I literally couldn't even cope with my self .6 whole months went by and I actually felt a lot better . Then he decided he wanted to come back. I moved to a new house and he turned up and started helping me unpack . He never left . It was strange because every single day all I wanted was him back and it's mad you do only think of the good things when they leave . But think of all the bad times and what he is like to you he will be exactly the same with another ever he meets next . Not saying he will . He might actually come back . But they only come back when they are bored or Randy . That night my ex came back he was asleep and I was looking at him so upset and pissed off with my self that I actually took him back ! We lasted a few years but it wasn't ment to be and I knew that . Only time will get you over this ❤️. I promise you he's not that catch of a mam you have him made out to be in your head . You are looking after his daughter whilst he's out pissing his money and family away . Phone Samaritans at night because I know this is the worst time xxx