Please help me get over him, I am broken

[Summerdaysx]

Making a new thread as I need help.

Dp of 8 years left me & dd. (Have another thread - don't know how to link but it's called dp night out I don't want him to go).

I am completely broken. I can't accept that it's over, I am still hoping he will come back. Although he's telling me he won't.

I am in a permanent daze, crying when dd is out of sight. Constantly texting him telling him I miss him.

What can I do? Please help me. The pain is so bad

@Hehx3 thank you. He is seeing dd tomorrow so will keep contact to only about dd. As hard as it is. I feel obsessed, I am 30 and acting like an obsessed teenager. I really hope this gets easier soon.

@ILoveShula thank you so much. I know I sound pathetic and I'm sorry to everyone. I just feel the worst I have ever felt. If it wasn't for mn I don't know how I would have got through the last few hours.

It will take time but it will get easier, 100%, it will be only gradually. You can do it and you will, just take it slowly. First weeks are hardest as you get consumed by it, all your energy. Its important to rest, drink loads of water, eat and breath calmly thats all you have to focus on at first. Your DD will be okay with you, she is your strength and seeing you getting through it she will too. Keep up, keep up

@Summerdaysx
At this point what you want to hear is that he loves you and is coming back.
Believe this for now and play it cool. He's let you down, not the other way round.

If he says he is coming back, say no. You need a break too.

If he comes back, do it on your terms, not his.

You need to set budgets in place, and be sure you know what is acceptable behaviour and healthy communications. You are not likely to be in a place to be receptive just yet.

For now, concentrate on you and your DD.

As pp, if you want to do the 'i miss him so much, i love him etc' go to the breakup thread. You will get sympathy there whereas the main relationship board is a bit more brutal.

Trust me, you will get through this and realise that inside the wobbly little mess you are now (sorry but you probably are) there is a core of strength.

You'll get there.

P.S. You might not be spiritual but if you are ask God/the universe/whatever for help. It's free.

Thank you both so much. Just need to find my strength I know it's inside somewhere.

It's hard @Summerdaysx, so hard.

You are young and you have your life ahead of you and you will get through it. As a rule of thumb it takes about a month for every year you were together to get through heartbreak, so if you are strong now, in a year's time everything could be just fine, regardless of what your DD's dad does.

Hi summer, you really have to stop contact ( other than about dd) and stop saying you miss him and begging him. If you do really want him back this will be doing the opposite. If someone was acting clingy and desperately going on about coming back it would put you off I’m sure. You need to fake it - fake the happiness and your together. Don’t let him see you in bits. Plus, even if he doesn’t come back , faking it will eventually make you feel better. Get to your GP and organise medication. See if any family can lend you money for the car repairs.
You have to find that inner strength

I also want to say I remember your other thread and friends reflect who we are. His friends sound awful. Perhaps you need to write down the negatives in your relationship and not Rose tint it.

Thank you all. I am trying to at least act strong. I just feel I have no strength. I hope that this gets easier and one day he will realise how much I truly love him. Hopefully a little bit of space from each other will put into perspective what we both want. At the moment he is just out enjoying single life with no responsibilities while I'm stuck to the couch breaking my heart.

He probably wants to be out living it up while the football is on. Perhaps if he changes his mind, you won’t want him back anyway by that point

@Raspberryswirls we are in Scotland so not much happening in terms of football here lol. I do think he just wants to have the single life, not need to answer to me etc. He is away out again tonight. Phoned dd earlier. I feel sick. What if he meets someone else?! Then there really is no going back. I couldn't imagine speaking to someone else just now. Just wish he would feel the same. Spoke to gp, she wasn't much help! I am worryingly obsessed with him, it's not normal how much he is in my head!

Why do you keep starting new threads.? This is the third one you've started.
You've been getting lots of help on the others already and it's very annoying when people are helping you and you're on different threads.

@Hellooooisitme for more people attention as this morning I didn't know how I was going to cope.

I went through something similar, my little one was 18 months old. My friend told me about this book and it's sequel, I thought it would be some sort of self help rubbish but it absolutely changed my life. Why men love bitches and the sequel, why men marry bitches. Complete life changer for me!

@Laineyloo322 how did you get through each day? I am really struggling. Gp was no help. I have lots of support irl but can't get him out my head and the gut wrenching feeling in my stomach. Thank you will take a look at the book.

It took time, it was gut wrenching, he moved on and pretty much completely cut me out. I was broken, didn't sleep, didn't eat and then I went to stay with family. They helped with childcare and were company when I was lonely. I read the book, took time for myself and made sure no matter how much I didn't feel like it, I put my face on and went out. It was very hard but it was so toxic and I'd go through all of it again tomorrow to be where I am now. X

@Laineyloo322 that gives me so much hope, thank you. Glad to hear you are in a better place now ❤️

I promise, it gets better, it takes time but it does. Unfortunately, the process can't begin until you're ready to let go. That time WILL come!

@Laineyloo322 I don't know if I will ever be able to let go. He's all I can think about. I wish I hadn't done this & that and maybe he would still be here. He's out having fun, enjoying single life & im so broken, not knowing how I'll get through the next hour never mind the next week etc. I have dd so would never leave her but the pain is so bad I feel like I am looking for a way out.

Have you got family you can go and stay with? That really helped me!

@Laineyloo322 not really that I can go and stay with, not a lot of space and I have a very large dog who would need to come aswel as me and dd. I am clinging onto hope that he will come back, everyone is telling me not to, but I can't help it. It keeps me slightly sane. Deep down I know it is over.

Make time to see family and friends as much as possible. Try to do anything that keeps you busy even if it's just cleaning and such! Whatever you do, don't contact him!! It honestly won't help, all it will do is push him further away and leave you feeling hopeless!

And invest in that book, it's about £6 on Amazon!

@Laineyloo322 thank you, all I want to do is contact him. I honestly will try my best not to.

@Summerdaysx - when you say your GP was no help, did she not even offer you a beta blocker and/or a referral for counselling? I think you need to call again and insist.