Everytime my back is turned.. how would you leave?

[love15]

We've had issues for 9 years since we've been together - we have DD.

Issues: Drugs, Lies, Cheating, Disrespect

Everytime I spend a night at my mums (generally to keep her company and my DD loves it) my partner is on Facebook messaging other women. Half the time he gets no response but it's things like "boo" "hello gorgeous" "oi oi" - just for the record I guessed his password and so I sit and watch him sending these messages from my phone.

I have to leave, it's more than time. But one, why do I find it so hard regardless of him being a complete and utter

How do I go about this? Tell him I've been looking at his Facebook and I've seen the message?

I'll have to go back to my mums for a while which at 33 is really rubbish!

None of this feels easy.

Advice needed xxx

It’s not easy, but staying with him isn’t easy either so pick your hard.

You deserve better, and you’re young enough to find it don’t waste your time on this dick.

.. sorry for typos.

Why do I get so scared about going!!!!

Oh god, that's so humiliating for you. He's an embarrassment.

What's your housing situation like? Do you rent together? Who's on the tenancy if so?

It's his house. So I'll have to leave and go to my mums for a while.

I'm lucky in the respect that I have a deposit saved and generally earn quite well.

I'm 33 and I just want that happily ever after you know. But at the same time I find this so hard!

What would you all do?

Are you married?

Leave. No question.

Go to your Mum’s
He’s a knob

Stealthily move out then say im staying at mums wait for him to start messaging women jump in on there conversation saying this is the reason why she left me I can't keep it in my pants you should see how many girls I message

OK probably not but I would be tempted

Get anything you value out and at your moms with your daughter then show him screenshots of his messages and tell him your leaving he will either let you or kick off so get what you value out first

You don't have to tell him anything. You don't owe him an explanation.

You could just say you've seen evidence that he's been contacting other women, and refuse to discuss it.

I'd just go, tell him (in person, by text, leave a note, whichever) it's just not working for you anymore so you've gone, let him wonder what he did wrong/why he wasn't good enough/whether there's someone else. He treats you with zero respect so I wouldn't pay him any, nor would I give him the satisfaction of knowing I was hurt by his cheating/messaging, I would just go and concentrate on rebuilding my own life.

Thank you for reply.

I get so angry at myself for not being that women in 9 years that has the strength to just walk away.

I feel ready now but it doesn't mean the anxiety isn't cutting deep and the insecurities aren't there.

I never wanted this for my DD, and it just hurts that here I am in this position.

You're angry at the wrong person OP, turn that rage where it belongs (on him) and use it to propel you as far away from him as possible. Don't explain and don't look back, move on and leave him wondering what was wrong with him that he wasn't enough for you, it's what he deserves and it really is the best revenge.

At 33, get yourself gone. You have so much life to lead and he's wasting it right now.
I'd plan it so it's a surprise to him but take what you need to your mums bit by bit of you need.
Paperwork and ID documents etc.

Have you read about trauma bonding? I think that's what has happened to you.

Don't blame yourself but get educated on the feelings you're experiencing and ffs LEAVE!

You don't even need to present the evidence. He'll just deny and minimise anyway.
You don't owe him a dialogue, or the chance to talk you out of it, or more chances.
You have a deposit so you can get a mortgage calculation this week, start looking at properties, get a feel for your market. Or view some rentals. Just being active with new plans will be enough to start the process.
You make your own happy ever after.

Thanks everyone. I will look into trauma binding as I'm fully aware something has been going on with me to have stayed for so long.

This is irrelevant, I know because the bigger picture is that he is an arsehole! But I feel guilty for being my dd into a situation where it's about to all be changed. She's 6 and she adores him, but I appreciate in situations like this it isn't all about the children, we as parents are important too and I have to do this for myself.

It's a killer - I don't even love him anymore but it's such a mixture of thoughts and emotions x

** bonding

** bringing my dd

Have you tried flipping it round? Asking yourself why you want to stay?
Leaving is scary. It can help if you look at it differently and focus on the fact that you have nothing worth staying for.

I know what you mean. But although you're breaking up, she still has her father. She can still see him and spend time with him.

But if you stay, think about what you're teaching her about relationships. You wouldn't want her to be with someone who is disrespectful and tries to cheat on her. If you stay that's the example you're setting her. Show her women can expect to be treated well in a relationship, and that if you're not being treated well, that it's fine to be single.

Well this clearly isn’t your happily ever after. Leave him and see if you can find it.

Eww men like this really give me the ick. Just looking for a pathetic ego stroke.

Get away from the creep as soon as you can.

Good luck OP

@love15

It's his house. So I'll have to leave and go to my mums for a while.

I'm lucky in the respect that I have a deposit saved and generally earn quite well.

I'm 33 and I just want that happily ever after you know. But at the same time I find this so hard!

What would you all do?

Well you are not going to get happily ever after with this wankfox child. I am in awe that you have stood nine years of this garbage. How long before he started doing this rubbish? Why did you stick it for so long? I am gobsmacked.

LEAVE HIM! He is pointless.

Drugs, lies, disrespect. Any one of those is enough reason to leave. You don't need to have an elaborate explanation. If you show him screenshots of him harassing women on fb as a 'gotcha' he'll just say oh so you're going to ruin dds life for the sake of a silly joke? Then you'll start questioning yourself.

Forget the fb nonsense. He's a prick and he uses drugs, you can and should leave as soon as you are able.

Yes, you'll never get your happy ever after if you stick with this guy.

Make the leap.

You have a deposit, you have somewhere to go in the interim, you can do this. Don't think about it too much, just pack up and go.