Everytime my back is turned.. how would you leave?

[love15]

We've had issues for 9 years since we've been together - we have DD.

Issues: Drugs, Lies, Cheating, Disrespect

Everytime I spend a night at my mums (generally to keep her company and my DD loves it) my partner is on Facebook messaging other women. Half the time he gets no response but it's things like "boo" "hello gorgeous" "oi oi" - just for the record I guessed his password and so I sit and watch him sending these messages from my phone.

I have to leave, it's more than time. But one, why do I find it so hard regardless of him being a complete and utter

How do I go about this? Tell him I've been looking at his Facebook and I've seen the message?

I'll have to go back to my mums for a while which at 33 is really rubbish!

None of this feels easy.

Advice needed xxx

I'm 33 and I just want that happily ever after you know

If you want that you should go after itas you certainly won't find it with this thirsty waste...
He has no respect for you, the relationship or himself.

Climb out of the pig pen and level up!

Have literally sobbed all night... just feel worthless. I can't see a way forward. I miss my home x

It's just a house OP. You can make a new home with your DC and make a new life where you aren't heartbroken OR worthless.

The more times you let him drag you down by tolerating his disrespect the more time it will take you to pull yourself back out of the headspace.

You aren't worthless and you deserve more - he has twisted your view of yourself. Have you considered counselling?

You are not worthless. In fact you have proved your worth two-fold - one by valuing yourself enough to not allow yourself to be treated with disrespect, and two by setting such a good example to your DD.

For me, home is wherever my kids are as they are only little. A house is just four walls and a roof - it's not a home unless there are people within it treating each other with kindness and respect. You have brought your home with you, and when you find somewhere for you and DD you will bring your love with you to make that a home too.

God I'm feeling sappy tonight. I'm just so proud of you for leaving

For your own sanity and self respect you will get through this... 🌸

You know you've made the right decision, don't buckle, you're doing great.
Visualise your self in the future, happy, independent, maybe a new wonderful man. It's a no brainer, just the next couple of weeks might feel conflicting.
However once you're sat in your own home, feet up, glass of wine, DD settled....no drug ridden womaniser..... you'll never look back.

Oh come on op he's been mugging you off and humiliating you for long enough. He sent pics of his genitals to his Mums boss ffs.

You know you And dd deserve better than this embarrassing piece of shit...

I really panic about not having more children one day too... I love being a mum! I so want to give my dd a sibling. I'm 33.... is this is possible to find someone and settle and have more?

Of course you have time to meet someone and have more dc. You're only 33. You have a decade or so left in your fertility window.

Honestly I can't stop crying and panic has set in! Me and my mum had such a row last night (it ended in her apologising) but she was saying how much she hates it, how if I go back she'll wash her hands with me and I just broke down uncomfortably... this is so hard.

I'm sorry but you can't go back, if you go back you can expect a lifetime of him messaging other girls and cheating and your daughter gets older she will pick up on his ways and may lose respect for you for sticking and accepting this life for yourself. It's not going to be easy but for your own self worth it will be worth it

You just need to get through the initial pain of breaking up and of detaching from him. In a few months, you'll wonder what on earth you were doing with him and won't recognise yourself, and you'll be moving on and seeing a bright future.

If you went back, you'll be in exactly the same mess and pattern of pain and deceit in a few months time.

So just hold on, and get through each day, each hour, until it gets easier. What you're feeling now is temporary. It is short term. It will get better.

Understand that from your mums point of view she is watching her baby being repeatedly trampled. Any decent mum wouldn't want their daughter to go through the pain and humiliation and then willingly go back for more of the same.
She's lashing out because it's painful for her to watch.

Is this really what you want for your life as I'm sure by now you know he will never stop what he's doing?
The more time you waste with him the less time you have to meet somebody decent who treats you well and the more obliterated your self esteem becomes.

As category said its short term pain for a huge pay off. Think with logic not emotion and push through.

Stay strong. You know you've done the right thing. He won't change. Lots of women have children late, you are only 33 and you've got plenty of time if you want more.
Your mum's response is understandable- she is trying to protect you. All the hurt you are feeling is down to him. If you go back you are signing up for more hurt.

OP you cannot live like this .., honestly Sweetheart.. he will destroy your mental health your nerves will be shattered your paranoia will be devastating and painful..

You can do this 🌸💕

I'm panicking x

don't panic... take deep breathes and remind yourself of who he is.. and what he does behind your back.. the panic you are feeling is the fear of change.. it's normal and it's completely natural to feel this..

You cannot live with the fear of when he drinks he will contact all and sundry for sex.. you know this is no way for you to live 🌸

I just can't see a light at the end of the tunnel or imagine being happy and content ever again? (Not that I have been with him) x

I've been dealing with the same thing for 10 years. Please, just leave.
You deserve so much better!

Your Mam is getting angry as she's having to watch her daughter be destroyed by that twat of a man.
Any mother would be the same
Imagine in years time and your daughter was going through the same thing. You would feel exactly how your Mam feels now.
Don't let him make a fool of you any longer

@love15 - Keep your eyes on the prize: being free of this cheating bastard who made you so unhappy! You said yourself that you don't actually love him any more.

You are going through a period of intense upheaval, but you are missing what might have been, the concept of an ideal relationship. You know that this will never be possible with this man.

Keep your eye on the prize! You WILL be far happier without him. Pull up your big girl's pants - you can do this

@love15

I really panic about not having more children one day too... I love being a mum! I so want to give my dd a sibling. I'm 33.... is this is possible to find someone and settle and have more?

All normal feelings

Best thing to do is stay well away
Prioritise you and your loved ones

He is clearly awful

I had no respect on myself
Forgave and forgave many times

Now I'm out life is 100 million times better

You can do this

Sounds like your mum is so worried too !!! Can't say I blame her !! Stay strong

I just feel like I'm going to be on my own forever!

@love15 you won’t be on your own forever. If it helps every time you worry or wobble or panic take a deep breath and think what kind of man you want your daughter to end up with because I bet it’s nothing like your partner?? Set the bar high it sounds like you have in your work life if you have a deposit etc
Wanting more children isn’t a reason to stay with someone especially a man that treats you how he has.
Be strong you’ve done the hard bit.
Thinking of you

You really won't be on your own forever. Give yourself time to heal and you will meet someone when the time is right. You are still young!