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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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To be disgusted with dp checking out someone else

312 replies

Lavenderfields2 · 04/07/2021 13:23

Me and dp have only recently reconciled from nearly breaking up. I've recently had our first born and he knows me confident levels have been rock bottom. I look a mess and feel just as worse. I'm not asking for sympathy for it, but he is aware. Dp is a natural stare. He is always side eyeing people when we are out and when i ask him why he is staring at someone he just says his eyes trail off. Well me and dp and baby are all in the car. We were sitting in a car park when this lady comes out pushing her pram. She is wearing a nice tight dress and even I could see she had a nice figure. I caught him staring out of the corner of my eye and when I went to face him his eyes darted away. He then did it again when he thought I wasnt looking. She turned around and she was heavily pregnant. Aibu to be disgusted by this? I know people look, and it may of not been a sexual thing in his mind he may of just generally been staring. But given the fact we were only just on verge of a break up, and our baby was also in the back of our car, and she was very much pregnant, I think it's enough to warrant some silent treatment?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 04/07/2021 13:25

Silent treatment is a form of abuse. If you've got to that stage perhaps you should call it a day?

Shitfuckcommaetc · 04/07/2021 13:26

You sound very controlling.
Should he look at the floor at all times?

Stellaroses · 04/07/2021 13:27

YABU

DisgruntledPelican · 04/07/2021 13:27

Silent treatment is childish and ridiculous, but it’s fine to call him out on it.

ComDummings · 04/07/2021 13:28

Silent treatment is pathetic but then so is staring at someone at all let alone repeatedly. You’re both in the wrong here.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 04/07/2021 13:28

Silent treatment is daft, that's gameplaying and not how adults should behave.

Honestly it doesn't sound like he did much wrong here. It sounds far more about your confidence levels.

It doesn't sound like you two breaking up would be such a bad thing tbh.

I'm sorry you're feeling like crap op, but its unfair to punish him for that.

warmfluffytowels · 04/07/2021 13:28

Giving someone the silent treatment is a form of abuse.

Lavenderfields2 · 04/07/2021 13:29

@Shitfuckcommaetc no he can look anywhere else other than a pregnant ladies ass infront of me!

OP posts:
Lavenderfields2 · 04/07/2021 13:29

@warmfluffytowels please dont start about abuse when you have not the slightest clue the amount of abuse I've suffered.

OP posts:
Cheeseandlobster · 04/07/2021 13:30

Disgusted is a bit strong. We are not suddenly immune to finding others attractive when we are in a relationship. If you are honest with yourself I bet you do too. Obviously blatantly checking someone out isn't ideal but it doesn't sound like he was doing this. And pregnant women can look very sexy. Sorry op but I think you are being a bit unreasonable though I can see why you might feel sensitive at the moment

HappyCamperT5 · 04/07/2021 13:30

Was he just people watching as your just sitting in a car park?
Sorry your feeling so insecure after having your baby, it is really hard when you don't feel like yourself 💐
Your should talk to him about it though so he knows how you are feeling, the silent treatment doesn't solve anything. X

Frogsandsheep · 04/07/2021 13:33

It’s a bit of a over dramaticjump to accuse the OP of being an abusive partner!

nimbuscloud · 04/07/2021 13:33

It sounds like your relationship has run its course really.

Frogsandsheep · 04/07/2021 13:33

over dramatic

HappyCamperT5 · 04/07/2021 13:34

@Lavenderfields2 was he still looking at her ass when she turned around and he realised she was pregnant?

Bluntness100 · 04/07/2021 13:34

Gosh, without a back story op it’s hard to find your behaviour acceptable. I’m sure there’s more to it, or maybe it’s just hormones?

emilyfrost · 04/07/2021 13:35

YABVU and controlling. What exactly is the issue here?

He is going to find other people attractive. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as he doesn’t act upon it.

DismantledKing · 04/07/2021 13:35

Nah, YABU.

Lavenderfields2 · 04/07/2021 13:36

Aa I said I recognise people find other people attractive. I'm not daft nor a child. However given the nature that we have only just got back together and he is meant to be making alot up to me, I find it rich of him to do that so bodly infront of me.

OP posts:
DinaofCloud9 · 04/07/2021 13:37

Oh come on we all look at other people. It's human nature.

Lavenderfields2 · 04/07/2021 13:37

Do it when your alone fine by me. But can you really not control your eyes for two seconds when I'm right next to you

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 04/07/2021 13:37

Op is it your dp that was abusive?

RandomMess · 04/07/2021 13:38

Glancing/noticing is "normal".

Checking out/starring is sleazy.

If he's being sleazy why do you want to stay and try and make it work?

DismantledKing · 04/07/2021 13:38

I never understand why people post in AIBU, and then get arsey when some people decide YABU.

Seesawmummadaw · 04/07/2021 13:38

But you looked too!