Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To be disgusted with dp checking out someone else

312 replies

Lavenderfields2 · 04/07/2021 13:23

Me and dp have only recently reconciled from nearly breaking up. I've recently had our first born and he knows me confident levels have been rock bottom. I look a mess and feel just as worse. I'm not asking for sympathy for it, but he is aware. Dp is a natural stare. He is always side eyeing people when we are out and when i ask him why he is staring at someone he just says his eyes trail off. Well me and dp and baby are all in the car. We were sitting in a car park when this lady comes out pushing her pram. She is wearing a nice tight dress and even I could see she had a nice figure. I caught him staring out of the corner of my eye and when I went to face him his eyes darted away. He then did it again when he thought I wasnt looking. She turned around and she was heavily pregnant. Aibu to be disgusted by this? I know people look, and it may of not been a sexual thing in his mind he may of just generally been staring. But given the fact we were only just on verge of a break up, and our baby was also in the back of our car, and she was very much pregnant, I think it's enough to warrant some silent treatment?

OP posts:
toocold54 · 04/07/2021 13:47

Do you think you would be better off separating?
You say you almost separated recently and now this - it really doesn’t sound healthy for either of you.
What do you both get out of this relationship?

Lavenderfields2 · 04/07/2021 13:47

I'm not literally going to give him the silent treatment! I asked if I'm aibu to gauge this. Clearly it's an over reaction (however I still do not think partners should eye up people infront of each other) and I know silent treatment isnt a mature way to go about things and communicating is. However I've been so hurt recently when I said silent treatment what I meant was becoming reserved because that's what I naturally do when I'm upset. I'm already dealing with so much and my dp is meant to be proving to me he has changed.

OP posts:
Justgettingbye · 04/07/2021 13:48

It's annoying op I know. We've had it out over this kid a thing many a time but I equally check other guys out in front to make it 'even' he doesn't care though Grin

BarbarianMum · 04/07/2021 13:48

OP has this man previously been abusive to you?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 04/07/2021 13:48

Op abuse often escalates in pregnancy and just after the birth of a child.

Please contact women's aid, if not for your sake do it for your baby's sake.

There's more to life than this.

Seesawmummadaw · 04/07/2021 13:48

He’s abusive to you but you got back together after splitting up and had a baby. Your self esteem is low as is your confidence. You BOTH checked out a woman with a nice figure but you are angry at him.

What are you doing op? Wake up!

Lavenderfields2 · 04/07/2021 13:48

@owlbethere I appreciate your story but it really isnt like that. I dont always tell him off like your ex did to you or call.him out on it. Usually I wouldnt give a damn but as I put in my op and that's why I put it into context that we have only recently got back together so I think it was abit out of order for him to do

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 04/07/2021 13:49

I don't think you're unreasonable for being upset about him staring at another woman. You're clearly going through a lot and you've just had a baby so your self-esteem wouldn't be great anyway, let alone just after being on the verge of breaking up etc.

He knows he's a starer and he should make a conscious effort to be more respectful.

I don't think that the silent treatment is the right approach here. Talk to him sensibly about how his actions make you feel.

Lavenderfields2 · 04/07/2021 13:49

@Seesawmummadaw as I said I looked at her because I wanted to know what he kept side eyeing at. I have no interest checking out pregnant women right now. Nice figure or not

OP posts:
TotorosCatBus · 04/07/2021 13:49

Were you talked into reconciling? Did you agree because you thought it was best for the baby?
If you reconciled then surely that means you were willing to overlook his past behaviour and he is willing to change his abusive behaviour (assuming that he acknowledges that his behaviour is abusive of course)?
It sounds like you shouldn't be in a relationship tbh.

Whoarethewho · 04/07/2021 13:50

Well yabu but you don't seem to want to be told it. If he is abusive leave and to be honest given how you have reacted I would leave anyway.

Sloaneslone · 04/07/2021 13:50

So has he abused you AND cheated on you?

ThinWomansBrain · 04/07/2021 13:51

If your partner is/was abusive, maybe you should have considered leaving before bringing a child into the relationship - but you are where you are, and it doesn't sound a great place for either of you, or your child.
In your place, I'd be making concrete plans to leave, rather than contemplating "the silent treatment"

Rubyrecka · 04/07/2021 13:51

The fact she's pregnant is irrelevant. Your using that as a mother thing to be 'disgusted' at but in reality your insecure and need to work on yourself. All becos you've told dp you feel like shit - what are u expecting him to do? It's your issue to resolve.

Men look with other women, women look at other men. Its not a big deal unless u make it one. Stop looking to him and take some actions to make yourself feel better and increase your self esteem. X

LittleNibbler · 04/07/2021 13:51

Looking at other people is fine. Let it go, it sounds like you have bigger issues, what else is going on here? How was he abusive? Why are you back with him? Are you and baby safe?

MartyHart · 04/07/2021 13:51

If he's abusive you need to end the relationship.
It's fairly creepy of him to check other women out in front of you but par for the course with someone like him I imagine.
Maybe this will spur you on to get yourself out of there.

moynomore · 04/07/2021 13:51

Why are you reconciling with a man who's abused you? Get out.

Lavenderfields2 · 04/07/2021 13:52

@Whoarethewho why would my dp leave me? Because I'm upset that he checked out a woman infront of me? I haven't done anything about it. I posted on this to gauge my reaction. I haven't given him a silent treatment and I havent acted controlling towards it. I havent done anything about it other than be upset

OP posts:
MartyHart · 04/07/2021 13:52

I don't really understand what the woman being pregnant has to do with it.

Lavenderfields2 · 04/07/2021 13:54

@Rubyrecka I dont care if he does it as long as it's not so obvious infront of me and especially when I have OUR child with us! Yes people are attractive but surely when you are out as family you can control yourself no?!

OP posts:
Lavenderfields2 · 04/07/2021 13:54

I know because I've had it when dads are out with their partners and children and give me that sleazy stare. It makes me sick. Focus on your family.

OP posts:
DismantledKing · 04/07/2021 13:55

Why are you ignoring all the posters asking about abuse?

Sloaneslone · 04/07/2021 13:55

Your child would haven't even have noticed.

Lavenderfields2 · 04/07/2021 13:55

@MartyHart it doesnt I guess. But me and my partner only getting back together has everything to do with it hence why I put it in my op

OP posts:
Lavenderfields2 · 04/07/2021 13:55

@Sloaneslone oh well that's alright then isnt it.

OP posts: