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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To be disgusted with dp checking out someone else

312 replies

Lavenderfields2 · 04/07/2021 13:23

Me and dp have only recently reconciled from nearly breaking up. I've recently had our first born and he knows me confident levels have been rock bottom. I look a mess and feel just as worse. I'm not asking for sympathy for it, but he is aware. Dp is a natural stare. He is always side eyeing people when we are out and when i ask him why he is staring at someone he just says his eyes trail off. Well me and dp and baby are all in the car. We were sitting in a car park when this lady comes out pushing her pram. She is wearing a nice tight dress and even I could see she had a nice figure. I caught him staring out of the corner of my eye and when I went to face him his eyes darted away. He then did it again when he thought I wasnt looking. She turned around and she was heavily pregnant. Aibu to be disgusted by this? I know people look, and it may of not been a sexual thing in his mind he may of just generally been staring. But given the fact we were only just on verge of a break up, and our baby was also in the back of our car, and she was very much pregnant, I think it's enough to warrant some silent treatment?

OP posts:
LittleNibbler · 05/07/2021 15:19

As my message has been removed for some reason, I’ll repeat: @Lavenderfields2 if you are around still then please consider starting a new thread in relationships. We are here to support and listen to you, whatever you need. X

Maggiesfarm · 05/07/2021 16:06

@LittleNibbler

As my message has been removed for some reason, I’ll repeat: *@Lavenderfields2* if you are around still then please consider starting a new thread in relationships. We are here to support and listen to you, whatever you need. X
I echo that. I hope she is all right at the moment
toocold54 · 05/07/2021 17:47

Have those posters asking ‘why are you with someone who is abusing you?’ Stopped a second to think that if leaving were that easy then no women would be living with abuse?

I agree it’s not easy to break the cycle of abuse. But that is why people are asking. Their not asking to try and hurt her or for entertainment they’re asking what she gets out of this relationship to make her think and hopefully see how he really is.
What should people do? Just ignore the abuse or act like it’s ok?
She has said he has physically abused her so I get why people are telling her to leave him.

Chailatteplease · 05/07/2021 18:21

Don’t listen to the majority of posters on here OP, it is disrespectful to check out another person in front of your partner, unless you’ve agreed to an open relationship. I don’t know anyone in real life who would appreciate it either, seems there’s some sort of weird ‘cool wives club’ on mumsnet who call you controlling for expecting the minimal amount of respect from your partner Hmm

sfeirical · 05/07/2021 18:34

Why have you gotten back together if he's abusive? You deserve better than being with an abusive man.

EleanorOlephantisjustfine · 05/07/2021 19:05

This reply has been deleted

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BigButtons · 05/07/2021 19:42

I wish this thread would be taken down . The op is obviously and understandably not joining in.

JC2021 · 05/07/2021 19:56

Tbh,

my DH done exactly the same and I was so pissed off with it - such a terrible time for eyes to scanning anywhere.. it's not controlling at all, he is being disrespectful to you. You should bring it up if you feel uncomfortable, the silent treatment won't work as he won't get it.. communicate and bring it up, say you feel it's disrespectful especially given the fact you've just had his baby...

HappyCamperT5 · 05/07/2021 19:57

@BigButtons

I wish this thread would be taken down . The op is obviously and understandably not joining in.
Me too.. I did report the thread today but MN deleted a few comments and that was it.
toocold54 · 05/07/2021 20:02

I wish this thread would be taken down . The op is obviously and understandably not joining in.

Why do you think it should be taken down?
OP is in an abusive relationship and can’t see any issue in it so I think she needs to stay to hear other people’s opinions other than her partners.

HappyCamperT5 · 05/07/2021 20:09

@toocold54 I think it's because people were turning on the OP calling her the abuser and that Shes controlling etc..

wingingit987 · 05/07/2021 20:10

I'm heavily or pregnant with H boobs everyone states at them no matter gender. Women state and men stare tbh I feel sorry for them they literally don't know where to look.

I feel like I can appreciate when a women has a nice figure so as long as his tongue wasn't hanging out his mouth probably wouldn't mind.

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