To be disgusted with dp checking out someone else

[Lavenderfields2]

Me and dp have only recently reconciled from nearly breaking up. I've recently had our first born and he knows me confident levels have been rock bottom. I look a mess and feel just as worse. I'm not asking for sympathy for it, but he is aware. Dp is a natural stare. He is always side eyeing people when we are out and when i ask him why he is staring at someone he just says his eyes trail off. Well me and dp and baby are all in the car. We were sitting in a car park when this lady comes out pushing her pram. She is wearing a nice tight dress and even I could see she had a nice figure. I caught him staring out of the corner of my eye and when I went to face him his eyes darted away. He then did it again when he thought I wasnt looking. She turned around and she was heavily pregnant. Aibu to be disgusted by this? I know people look, and it may of not been a sexual thing in his mind he may of just generally been staring. But given the fact we were only just on verge of a break up, and our baby was also in the back of our car, and she was very much pregnant, I think it's enough to warrant some silent treatment?

Maybe I'm overly sensitive because of the abuse I've suffered and I dont look my best since I've given birth my body has changed and I cant afford new clothes. But I think it's a respect thing not to check people out so blatantly infront of your partner.

No it’s sleazy, disrespectful and gross. YANBU.

Silent treatment will get you nowhere. How about the loud treatment, where you say clearly and assertively how it makes you feel and that if it doesn’t stop he’s out?

@Seesawmummadaw yes because I wanted to see what my partner was looking at so intensely.

Nah you crazy.

Did the abuse come from him?

@mn2022 we obviously just have different boundaries and standards in a partner

@Seesawmummadaw yes

Why are you with him?

If your dp is abusive, this is the very least of your problems.

Why is it an issue that's she is pregnant? Would it have made you feel better if was staring and she wasn't pregnant?

Did he even know she was pregnant?

If its not your dp, who is abusive I really think you need some outside support.

Because what you are doing is abusive. Silent treatment because he looked somewhere you didn't want him to. Or because you assume you know what he is thinking isn't ok.

If you expect him to look down at the gorud everytime a woman gets anywhere near, that is abusive

YABVU you said you looked at her too and noticed she had a nice figure. So why can you look and he not?
Honestly if the roles were reversed and this was a male saying it about a female would you say you’re behaviour is ok?

You need to sort out your own self esteem issues asap because they are all in your head and you’re are driving away your partner because of your own insecurities.

[quote Lavenderfields2]@mn2022 we obviously just have different boundaries and standards in a partner[/quote]
Quite possibly.

The difference though is that my boundaries don't require therapy and equate to me being in a happy relationship, quite the opposite of yours

Yabu and silent treatment is abuse even if you have also suffered abuse. Abused people can still abuse others.

If he is abusive, don't reconcile.

You need to leave. You are obviously very unhappy and turning into someone you don't like.

You deserve more than this.

It sounds like the relationship is over. Can you talk to him about how you feel so you can both move on?

[quote Lavenderfields2]@warmfluffytowels please dont start about abuse when you have not the slightest clue the amount of abuse I've suffered.[/quote]
If your DP has been abusive then you should end the relationship, not focus on him glancing at other people.

@mn2022 I'm so happy for you that you havent experienced an abusive partner and you dont require therapy

I think men starting at women is disrespectful. Regardless of their relationship status.
I would be more concerned with how my man made other women feel uncomfortable.
I hate men starting at me so if my Fiance obviously stared then I would be pretty upset.

This relationship sounds toxic as anything. You would both be better off without each other.

[quote Lavenderfields2]@mn2022 I'm so happy for you that you havent experienced an abusive partner and you dont require therapy[/quote]
I have previously been in a hugely abusive relationship.
I had therapy twice a week for 4 years.

So yes, I have been there.

It doesn’t sound like there’s good communication. You’re always watching him to ensure he isn’t looking at anyone else, then if you think it’s warranted you give him the silent treatment. This isn’t a good model for a relationship, you should be able to speak openly.

@toocold54 I looked because I wanted to see what he kept staring at. I know I have self esteem issues as I said I havent even been close to myself physically wise since I've given birth and then ontop of that I've been having bad relationship problems that have only knocked me further down

Is it him that is abusive? When it was so extreme why habe you got back with him?

Look at all the Fwoah! comments on here about attractive men. Doesn’t mean we’d jump their bones or be unfaithful.

If he has been abusive, then I don’t know why you’re fixating on this. The bigger issue is that 1) he’s abusive and 2) you’ve reconciled with him.

My ex used to accuse me of this, I was never looking at anyone in any kind of way, but the more he accused me, the more it bothered me, the more conscious I was of what I was doing and then I would forget and just casually look around and he’d give me the look and I’d stop looking in whatever direction it was out of fear of upsetting him even though I wasn’t doing anything!
It ruined our relationship among other issues with his controlling behaviour and by the end I was too scared to look up from the floor.