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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Very awkward and sensitive situation - WWYD?

189 replies

YouJustFoldItIn · 03/07/2021 15:26

Going to be a bit sketchy on detail here as I don't want to out anyone involved. Sorry if it's hard to follow. It's super awkard.

Two couples have been fairly good friends for a number of years. Both couples have been together for a very long time and have children. They met through work and have other mutual friends in the same industry.

They don't get together often as both couples have moved to different areas a long way apart but they do try to meet up when they can.

However, one half of each couple often still see one another through work. They frequently work away from home and are sometimes on the same contracts/projects, at the same conferences etc. When that happens they socialise, not on their own but with other mutual friends in the same business. This is the case at the moment.

So last night, after a long, boozy night out that went from dinner and then onto a bar, the two people in question found themselves alone at the table while the others had gone off the loo/for a smoke/whatever. Out of the blue, one of them kissed the other. They leaned over, put their hands either side of this person's face and went in for a full on-the-lips snog.

The Kissee was shocked and pushed the Kisser away, but tried to make light of it due to the Kisser being very drunk. The Kissee is adamant that at no point did they give off any signals to indicate they might want to be kissed.

The others then came back to the table and they all put the very drunk Kisser into a cab home before going home themselves. The Kissee thinks that the others didn't see anything, but doesn't know for sure. The Kissee hopes they didn't see because they all know one another's partners and children, and it's just really awkward.

The Kissee thought that would be the end of it. Tried to rationalise the whole thing by telling themselves the Kisser was so drunk they didn't know what they were doing, or that they'd meant to kiss them on the cheek and missed or something, (although deep down they don't really believe that) and that the Kisser wouldn't even remember it in the morning.

This morning at 7am the Kissee gets a text from the Kisser with this message:

God I am so hungover. I don't remember much about last night and I don't know how I got home. You will have to fill me in on the detail.'

WTF are you supposed to say to that? They clearly do remember, and have put the ball back in the Kissee's court to decide whether to mention it or not.

What would you say/do if you were the Kissee? And what would you think if you were the Kissee's partner?

OP posts:

user432543424532 · 03/07/2021 15:33

Are you worried your partner won't believe you?

reader12 · 03/07/2021 15:36

Just say “you were in a right state and we put you in a cab.”

Don’t refer to the kiss, don’t give them an opportunity to raise the subject. And make sure not to be alone with them again. Yuk!

Original poster

YouJustFoldItIn · 03/07/2021 15:37

The partner of the Kissee has been told immediately and does completely believe them. That's not the issue. The issue is how to approach it with the kisser, who clearly does remember what happened even though they are pretending they don't. It's all sorts of weird.

OP posts:

noonetoblamebutmyselfandpizza · 03/07/2021 15:39

How are you certain they remember?
When I used to get really drunk I would kiss someone and not remember! My friends would have to tell me the next day. But that was in my 20's I'm more sensible with alcohol now!

But it is possible the the Kisser doesn't remember...

chickenyhead · 03/07/2021 15:40

@reader12

Just say “you were in a right state and we put you in a cab.”

Don’t refer to the kiss, don’t give them an opportunity to raise the subject. And make sure not to be alone with them again. Yuk!

This

PragmaticWench · 03/07/2021 15:40

I might message back something like 'last night wasn't great, probably best not to drink that much in future'.

Maxiedog123 · 03/07/2021 15:43

They might have some hazy memory but not be quite sure what happened.

AnyFucker · 03/07/2021 15:43

You are kisse, right ?

If it is squared with your partner I don’t know what else you want to achieve. Never refer to it again and stay out of the Kissers way in future.

Anything else is just prolonging the drama

Shakirasma · 03/07/2021 15:44

I'd be straight with them but not go into detail

Something like "I should think you are hungover, you were wrecked. It doesn't suit you, I'd rather not see you like that again."

worktrip · 03/07/2021 15:44

They are showing clearly they don't want to remember or let others think they don't. Play along and say you were very drunk so we put you in a cab. Don't mention the kiss as it's embarrassing all round

AnyFucker · 03/07/2021 15:44

*kissee

Original poster

YouJustFoldItIn · 03/07/2021 15:44

Just say “you were in a right state and we put you in a cab.”

Don’t refer to the kiss, don’t give them an opportunity to raise the subject. And make sure not to be alone with them again. Yuk!

That's the conclusion the Kissee and their partner came to after discussing it, but Kissee wasn't sure whether to say 'You tried to snog me, you silly sod' or something. They want to make it clear that whatever the reason for it, it wasn't welcome and it mustn't happen again, but at the same time they don't want it to turn into a thing that makes the friendship really awkward.

Kissee's partner does not feel angry or threatened by it - just bewildered. To say it was unexpected and out of character is an understatement.

OP posts:

CheddarGorge · 03/07/2021 15:45

I think ops partner is the kissee

Sakurami · 03/07/2021 15:45

I've not remembered hours when I've been drunk. And I have seen pictures and videos that i have taken and couldn't remember anything. Plus also been pretty stupid and out of character.

I would tell the kisser that they got so drunk that they tried to kiss you and that it is better if they don't get as drunk again that they don't know what they're doing.

sadie9 · 03/07/2021 15:46

I'd probably say nothing about the kiss...BUT
On the other hand...it was an uninvited sexual advance or harrassment and the Kissee would be within their rights to go to the police over it.

chickenyhead · 03/07/2021 15:47

I wouldn't explicitly bring it up. That validates it. Yuck.

I believe kisser either knows what he did and is ashamed and wants to forget it; or doesn't remember and this is out of character.

Either way, no good comes of making it a "thing". Just don't be alone with them. Ever.

dogmandu · 03/07/2021 15:48

Personally I would cool the friendship as far as possible. The kisser clearly has some feelings for the kissee and this would make all future get togethers uncomfortable.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 03/07/2021 15:51

another saying, advise Kisser they were obviously wrecked, too much drinking is a bad thing and they made a fool of themselves and never be alone with them when they are drunk again!

Anyone seeing the exchange will have seen the Kissee's reaction and presumably would also know how drunk the Kisser was so there would be confusion about there being anything illicit between the two of you.

So draw a line and move on.

chickenyhead · 03/07/2021 15:52

I disagree kisser has feelings because of this kiss. Some people are erm handsy when blind drunk. Doesn't automatically mean "feelings".

FlowerArranger · 03/07/2021 15:52

What @reader12 said. Keep it simple.

Original poster

YouJustFoldItIn · 03/07/2021 15:56

Yes true but the Kissee would feel much happier for the Kisser's sake if they had not seen. Just easier all round.

OP posts:

Hawkins001 · 03/07/2021 15:57

All the best op

Amandasummers · 03/07/2021 15:59

Is the kissers partner aware? Because not saying anything and then it being brought up by someone else who saw.....THAT is likely to make the friendship awkward.

RAOK · 03/07/2021 16:02

They might genuinely not remember kissing someone if they were drunk. I think they’re genuinely thinking shit I feel rough and I can’t remember getting home, my friend can fill in the gaps if I text them.

Original poster

YouJustFoldItIn · 03/07/2021 16:02

Exactly Amanda that is the worry. The kissee and their partner have vowed to never mention it to any mutual friends but the worry is that someone else might. The kisser's partner most definitely doesn't know - I'd be amazed if they'd been told by the Kisser.

OP posts:

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