Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Very awkward and sensitive situation - WWYD?

189 replies

YouJustFoldItIn · 03/07/2021 15:26

Going to be a bit sketchy on detail here as I don't want to out anyone involved. Sorry if it's hard to follow. It's super awkard.

Two couples have been fairly good friends for a number of years. Both couples have been together for a very long time and have children. They met through work and have other mutual friends in the same industry.

They don't get together often as both couples have moved to different areas a long way apart but they do try to meet up when they can.

However, one half of each couple often still see one another through work. They frequently work away from home and are sometimes on the same contracts/projects, at the same conferences etc. When that happens they socialise, not on their own but with other mutual friends in the same business. This is the case at the moment.

So last night, after a long, boozy night out that went from dinner and then onto a bar, the two people in question found themselves alone at the table while the others had gone off the loo/for a smoke/whatever. Out of the blue, one of them kissed the other. They leaned over, put their hands either side of this person's face and went in for a full on-the-lips snog.

The Kissee was shocked and pushed the Kisser away, but tried to make light of it due to the Kisser being very drunk. The Kissee is adamant that at no point did they give off any signals to indicate they might want to be kissed.

The others then came back to the table and they all put the very drunk Kisser into a cab home before going home themselves. The Kissee thinks that the others didn't see anything, but doesn't know for sure. The Kissee hopes they didn't see because they all know one another's partners and children, and it's just really awkward.

The Kissee thought that would be the end of it. Tried to rationalise the whole thing by telling themselves the Kisser was so drunk they didn't know what they were doing, or that they'd meant to kiss them on the cheek and missed or something, (although deep down they don't really believe that) and that the Kisser wouldn't even remember it in the morning.

This morning at 7am the Kissee gets a text from the Kisser with this message:

God I am so hungover. I don't remember much about last night and I don't know how I got home. You will have to fill me in on the detail.'

WTF are you supposed to say to that? They clearly do remember, and have put the ball back in the Kissee's court to decide whether to mention it or not.

What would you say/do if you were the Kissee? And what would you think if you were the Kissee's partner?

OP posts:

SirGawain · 03/07/2021 16:03

I think your making a bigger drama than need be.

MoiraNotRuby · 03/07/2021 16:03

It is not the Kissee's problem to fix. The kissee doesn't even have to reply to the message. Equally if the kissee wants to reply 'last night was dreadful, you were very drunk and tried to kiss me, don't do it again' that is also fine.

This is ALL on the Kisser and any repercussions are as a result of their behaviour, not what the Kissee did after that.

Quirrelsotherface · 03/07/2021 16:04

Kissee is a complete drama llama. Forget it.

FreeBritnee · 03/07/2021 16:05

I feel like the obvious answer is to not mention it, but perhaps it would be the ideal time to mention it and say whilst you appreciate they were drunk you’d like to make them aware it was inappropriate and unreciprocal. At least then the cat is firmly out the bag and you’re not going to feel incredibly awkward rhe next time you see them.

Original poster

YouJustFoldItIn · 03/07/2021 16:08

Yes Free that's my feeling too. It will always be the elephant in the room otherwise.

OP posts:

ThunderBitch · 03/07/2021 16:08

He either doesn't remember or is trying to pretend it never happened. Either way, it was obviously a stupid drunken kiss and not anything to worry about. Just laugh it off.

MouldyPotato · 03/07/2021 16:08

I'd say something like "you got so drunk you tried to kiss me, it might be best to reign in the drinking or you'll get yourself in trouble that way" maybe with #metoo

MouldyPotato · 03/07/2021 16:09

You can't just go up to people and give them unwanted kisses

2021DNA · 03/07/2021 16:10

WTF are you supposed to say to that? They clearly do remember, and have put the ball back in the Kissee's court to decide whether to mention it or not.

Do they clearly remember? I’d just be direct and ask them why they kissed me.

ThunderBitch · 03/07/2021 16:12

@MouldyPotato

I'd say something like "you got so drunk you tried to kiss me, it might be best to reign in the drinking or you'll get yourself in trouble that way" maybe with #metoo

Hahaha love the #metoo!

wjg65ka · 03/07/2021 16:14

I've genuinely been so drunk in my pre-married/children life that I have blacked out and wouldn't remember.

Maybe they genuinely don't remember. I'd just tell the kisser they were so drunk and had to be put in a taxi and leave it at that but be cautious of drinking around them in the future if that's how drunk they can get

Beautiful3 · 03/07/2021 16:14

I would tell the truth, "you were very drunk and tried to kiss me. But don't worry i know you didn't mean it, and we put you in a taxi home straightaway! 😂 " He absolutely does know he kissed you, but wants to know if they've upset you.

saraclara · 03/07/2021 16:14

I'd need to mention it. Or it would never go away.

"Honestly? You made an idiot of yourself and tried to kiss me. I wasn't impressed and I hope to God that no-one saw. I'd like to forget about it, but I suggest you rein your drinking in, in future"

AlbusSeverusMalfoy · 03/07/2021 16:16

Are the kissee and kisser both female, male or one of each?

Tistheseason17 · 03/07/2021 16:18

ooh, this is a tough one because it does change everything whether they say anything or not.

If that had happened to me I would die of embarrassment and I would not want it to come up in the future that I had not told my friend that their DH had tried to kiss me. I certainly would not want to hang out with them as a couple either which would be an obvious issue.

Personally, I'd text and say, "you were such a drunk prat last night - you even tried to snog me totally out of the blue - how much had you had!!"

Then the ball is in their court to tell partner or not. What you have to think about is that this could be their default drunk behaviour and they do it all the time. I would not want to be their partner at home when they do this.

I'd like to say nothing but I think it will bite them on the arse - he could tell their partner and make your friend the guilty party in all this - especially as he gets drunk and doesn't remember or know how to control himself. What a great excuse!

TooWicked · 03/07/2021 16:20

"You were very drunk, you tried to kiss me. It was completely inappropriate and I didn't appreciate it, don't ever try it again".

Vikingintraining · 03/07/2021 16:22

If you plan to still meet up with the other couple I would feel that I had to bring it up, otherwise it becomes an elephant in the room. I'd mention the kiss in a passing way. "We put you in a cab home, you were in such a state, you even tried to kiss me, idiot! Don't drink so much next time, it's so bad for you."

AlternativePerspective · 03/07/2021 16:22

Honestly? I think you’re surprised not because of what happened, but because you realised that actually you’re not sorry that it did.

if you had absolutely no feelings for this person you would have pushed them away and would happily tell them what an idiot they’ve been.

But it seems you’re making this into an elephant in the room situation because you want there to be more. You want the other person to bring it up. You have absolutely no proof that they remember what they did and yet you’ve convinced yourself that they do remember.

I think you need to take a look at your own thoughts on this, and at your current relationship, and admit to yourself that there are feelings you didn’t realise there were.

OldChinaJug · 03/07/2021 16:23

I have read threads on here where a woman has kissed someone amd when asked what they should do and have been advised to say what this man has said to you.

Yes, you both remember what happened but he is indicating to you that it won't happen again.

If I were in your shoes, I'd tell him he was really drunk and that was that. I wouldn't mention the kiss.

paniniswapx3 · 03/07/2021 16:24

@TooWicked

"You were very drunk, you tried to kiss me. It was completely inappropriate and I didn't appreciate it, don't ever try it again".

I think this response is perfect.

Original poster

YouJustFoldItIn · 03/07/2021 16:26

That's exactly what I thought, having seen the text. The Kisser is testing the waters to see if the Kissee is upset or not.

I said that was the best way to handle it, by trying to make a bit of a joke about it, brush it off in a way that makes it clear it's forgiven and forgotten, let's not talk about it again etc.

Thing is, it's not as straightforward as it first sounds and needs sensitive handling.

The kisser is a man. He's my friend's husband. The kissee is my husband.

OP posts:

FatCatThinCat · 03/07/2021 16:26

I survived a relationship with and abusive drinker so may well be biased, but I have no patience with claims of not remembering and feel like it's a cop out to avoid responsibility for shitty behaviour and to paint themselves as some woe-is-me victim. I'd ignore the text and deal with them in a purely professional capacity going forward. The friendship would be over. But I admit I'm very unforgiving of self induced twattishness these days.

Tistheseason17 · 03/07/2021 16:28

and is the kisser's partner also male?

Micemakingclothes · 03/07/2021 16:29

I wouldn’t mention the kiss explicitly in the reply text because that text may be seen by the spouse. This could all blow up very large and it was just one moment.

I would go with something like…

You got very drunk and started behaving inappropriately. We put you in a cab and sent you home.

BlueSurfer · 03/07/2021 16:29

They might not remember it. Lots of people do things when drunk with no recollection afterwards.

Just message back “you were drunk, it was embarrassing.”

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8