Very awkward and sensitive situation - WWYD?

[YouJustFoldItIn]

Going to be a bit sketchy on detail here as I don't want to out anyone involved. Sorry if it's hard to follow. It's super awkard.

Two couples have been fairly good friends for a number of years. Both couples have been together for a very long time and have children. They met through work and have other mutual friends in the same industry.

They don't get together often as both couples have moved to different areas a long way apart but they do try to meet up when they can.

However, one half of each couple often still see one another through work. They frequently work away from home and are sometimes on the same contracts/projects, at the same conferences etc. When that happens they socialise, not on their own but with other mutual friends in the same business. This is the case at the moment.

So last night, after a long, boozy night out that went from dinner and then onto a bar, the two people in question found themselves alone at the table while the others had gone off the loo/for a smoke/whatever. Out of the blue, one of them kissed the other. They leaned over, put their hands either side of this person's face and went in for a full on-the-lips snog.

The Kissee was shocked and pushed the Kisser away, but tried to make light of it due to the Kisser being very drunk. The Kissee is adamant that at no point did they give off any signals to indicate they might want to be kissed.

The others then came back to the table and they all put the very drunk Kisser into a cab home before going home themselves. The Kissee thinks that the others didn't see anything, but doesn't know for sure. The Kissee hopes they didn't see because they all know one another's partners and children, and it's just really awkward.

The Kissee thought that would be the end of it. Tried to rationalise the whole thing by telling themselves the Kisser was so drunk they didn't know what they were doing, or that they'd meant to kiss them on the cheek and missed or something, (although deep down they don't really believe that) and that the Kisser wouldn't even remember it in the morning.

This morning at 7am the Kissee gets a text from the Kisser with this message:

God I am so hungover. I don't remember much about last night and I don't know how I got home. You will have to fill me in on the detail.'

WTF are you supposed to say to that? They clearly do remember, and have put the ball back in the Kissee's court to decide whether to mention it or not.

What would you say/do if you were the Kissee? And what would you think if you were the Kissee's partner?

On the other hand...it was an uninvited sexual advance or harrassment and the Kissee would be within their rights to go to the police over it

Really that is OTT.

OP - I would send a text saying 'you were very drunk, messy and you should not drink that much again'.

I was in a similar situation once when a friend's husband sent me emails declaring feelings for me. It was completely out of the blue. I was shocked and emailed him that his wife would be very upset if she saw the messages he was sending. They separated some time later.

You are right that the kisser remembers it and may or may not be embarrassed. Your objective is to ensure he knows that you are not interested in him in that way and he cannot put you in that position again.

and is the kisser's partner also male?

No. Hence why this is a massive fucking shock. And very awkward indeed.

I’ve surmised that the OP is female and her partner is the kissee.

Similar happened to me once but I was in the room (but had nodded off, as had her husband). Best friend was sat facing my husband and leant over and kissed him. He didn’t reciprocate - I sat bolt upright and left the room.

Friend was mortified when I told her next day. I said I needed to know if she had designs on my husband. Maybe you should tell her you know OP? That way she knows your husband told you so it definitely wasn’t welcome. I wouldn’t be keen on them having a heart to heart about it myself.

I would say something like:

You behaved really inappropriately towards me, suggest you never get that drunk again. Took X of us to get you in a cab.

Cancel my last post lol

I was thinking this was complete unnecessary drama until your update. Still best to brush it off though imo.

The kisser is a man. He's my friend's husband. The kissee is my husband

Well that’s an epic drip feed.

Unless you think your DH may have enjoyed it.

Wow that’s a bit of a drip feed there OP.

I think the reality is that men don’t drunkenly kiss other men unless they are gay or bi. So I would hope his wife knows, and if not I would tell him that he’d kissed another man and perhaps it’s time he thought about his own feelings of sexuality, but just for the record, that I don’t have those feelings.

But I don’t think this is a “just ignore it” kind of situation, I think his wife has a right to know.

This actually happened to me. I discussed it with my friends (who didn't know him so it wouldn't get back to him) as i was mortified. We are still friends almost 20 years later it has never been mentioned. I'm pretty sure he doesn't remember it and i'm not going to remind him! I put it down to missing his partner as she was away at the time. I wouldn't say, you were so drunk i poured you into a taxi and leave out the snogging part. He might remember but is embarrassed, or he genuinely doesn't remember. You have to ask yourself if it's worth ruining a friendship?

My response would be:

‘You daft sod, you were wankered and tried to snog me. But fear not, we just put you in a cab and sent you on your way. Bet the hangover is horrific!’

And that would be the last time I ever referred to it. Acknowledge it, down play it. Move on. Drama over.

Oh dear. I remember a friend of mine getting drunk at a work do and behaving like the kisser. She did remember it and was very embarrassed, apologised to the guy who was a decent chap and they both put it behind them.

Lesson to be learned: do not drink so much you lose every inhibition.

All the kissee has to say is it was a pleasant evening, nothing of note happened that he/she can remember. End of.

Ffs OP. Details are important!!

Oh dear. Just read the update. I'm in two minds over this. The larger part thinks you should let it slide entirely. Maybe just state 'You were biligerant and doing things entirely out of character. Don't worry, we stuffed you into a taxi. Drink water and sleep it off. "

I don’t understand why you would drip feed that 3 pages in. It obviously makes a huge difference to any advice given!

My response would be

You were very drunk and behaved inappropriately
I hope that will never happen

Then I would be cooling off if your partner feels uncomfortable in his company

To me ... the friendship is over
I'm also surprised your partner didn't physically react to that ( or did I miss that bit) most men I know would have gone ballistic

Did your partner enjoy it?

I think there’s a difference between a bloke who kisses a woman or vice versa at a party, and a bloke who kisses another bloke.

The difference being that they’re in heterosexual relationships, and for all we know his wife doesn’t know that he has sexual feelings towards other men.

She may know, and she may be comfortable with that fact, but if she doesn’t know, and her DH is making advances towards men while out, then that is incredibly unfair on her.

@Bluntness100

The kisser is a man. He's my friend's husband. The kissee is my husband

Well that’s an epic drip feed.

Gotta love a plot twist 😂

Hi Kisser, truthfully you made a bit of a tit of yourself and we ended up putting you blind drunk in a cab. Enjoy the hangover!!

Text: You got very drunk, made an unwanted pass at me/got me confused with [insert friend's wife's name] so we put you in a cab. Thankfully folditin saw the funny side. [smile emoji]

If he wants to hammer it home then...

I'm not bothered if the whole office thought I was gay, I am bothered if they thought I was in the closet and would cheat on my wife.

Has to be the drip feed of the year, that.

Just to add to what I said, I don't necessarily think he drunk kissing you means he is bi or gay. Alcohol can hit people in many ways. Nonetheless it was a very crass move and one that undoubtedly has made your DH uncomfortable. I'd really knock this to a crazy mistake someone made drunk and sweep it under the table.

On the very insane chance there are some hidden desires there, I am sure his wife must have a whiff of it. Doubt it'd be the first or last time he was drunk in public.

Personally, I echo @yellowandgreentobeseen and I'd leave it at all. You will be opening a can of worms otherwise.

@AnyFucker

You are kisse, right ?

If it is squared with your partner I don’t know what else you want to achieve. Never refer to it again and stay out of the Kissers way in future.

Anything else is just prolonging the drama

This

@TooWicked

"You were very drunk, you tried to kiss me. It was completely inappropriate and I didn't appreciate it, don't ever try it again".

This.

If he asks did you tell your husband say a big fat YES.

He knows bloody well what he did and is obviously interested in a bit on the side while ye work away.

He is slime and was trying his luck.

Well that’s an epic drip feed.

Yes I know. I was conflicted about whether to just say who it was fromt he beginning but I am aware that people can go to default responses and reactions in these situations depending on the sex of those involved. Really it shouldn't matter - a married person was kissed by a married friend, regardless of whether it was a man/woman/same sex thing. I wanted comments on how the Kisser should respond to the text. I do actually think that by the tone of most of the suggested responses, along the lines of 'You were very drunk and you behaved inappropriately, don't do it again, it was embarrassing' would actually have been worded rather differently if I'd said from the beginning that this was a male, married, supposedly straight friend of ours coming on to my husband. It shouldn't be different, but somehow it is.

Do you think a straight guy could do that when very drunk and genuinely not have any awareness of what he's doing, or any feelings of attraction there? Just literally drunken nonsense?