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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do you make of a man who ....

208 replies

EstherTW · 02/07/2021 18:42

I'd value opinions of a relationship with a man I have been apart from a lot during the lockdowns, and am seeing now with fresher eyes.

We went away for a night. It was my first night away since Oct 2019, I was so pleased! Whenever we have stayed in a hotel, he insists we change rooms. There's always something wrong with the one we are given. He always waits until I have unpacked, and I find it mortifying watching him try to press the staff into giving us a 'better' room, when the one we had is perfectly nice, and having to listen to him trying to barter with the manager.

When we 're having dinner, at some point he decides the view is better from my seat, and wants to change chairs, or move his chair around to sit next to me. He will make the staff move everything on the table. I hate it.

In our room, thinking I will enjoy the hotel bathroom and have a lovely bath, I knew he wouldn't leave me alone. He would come into the bathroom, try to take photos of me. He knows I won't want that, pretends he thinks its a joke.

He will criticise, and then pretend he isn't. Example, we arrived and I mentioned wanting to have some tea. He said, 'of course you do', in a cold, dismissive way, as annoyed. If I respond, he says, 'what, I just, said of course you do', and denies it being critical.

I hope you can understand what I mean. We've been together for years, but we don't live together, and so were apart during the lockdown. We've spent time together in the past few months, but I don't feel very happy. This night away just seemed to display something.

I would really like to know what anyone thought.

OP posts:
wizzywig · 02/07/2021 18:43

What do you get from this?

imaginethemdragons · 02/07/2021 18:45

Oh fuck no.
Just NO.
He’d be gone.
I couldn’t be doing with that shite.

Years you say?
Get rid.

dudsville · 02/07/2021 18:46

He is in his own little world. I wouldn't like it either.

RAOK · 02/07/2021 18:46

He sounds awful!

AdaFuckingShelby · 02/07/2021 18:46

He sounds like hard work. It's all about him isn't it?

Blackjeans88 · 02/07/2021 18:47

Sounds very controlling, gets a kick out of being able to control the situation.

Annasgirl · 02/07/2021 18:49

Oh, OP, this one is so easy - block and move on. You really get nothing from this. the one benefit of Covid to us all is it has made us reassess what is good and what is not in our lives (and to realise how short our lives actually are!!!!). Take it as a Covid blessing and move on with your life ALONE.

AllTrolledOut · 02/07/2021 18:49

I think he likes clicking his fingers & seeing women people come running.

His way or no way?

vampirethriller · 02/07/2021 18:50

Sounds like a knob.

Holothane · 02/07/2021 18:50

Get rid this won’t change he’ll get worse much worse.

PieceOfString · 02/07/2021 18:51

@imaginethemdragons

Oh fuck no. Just NO. He’d be gone. I couldn’t be doing with that shite.

Years you say?
Get rid.

Perfect reply. I can add nothing. Grin Sorry to hear he's a douchebag op, but at least your domestic arrangements are separate so parting company will be simpler than most.
TheFoundations · 02/07/2021 18:52

Why do you want to know what other people think? What do YOU think? What do YOU feel?

Do you know why you need validation from other people?

Blackbird2020 · 02/07/2021 18:53

I wouldn’t even bother trying to analyse him. Who cares why. You’re unhappy with him as a person (not with some specific incident, iykwim). I’m guessing no kids or other ties... just call it a day.

And yes, he sounds awful to be around. And that’s for everyone who has to come into contact with him, not just you!

WTFisNext · 02/07/2021 18:54

If your lives were intertwined with children/property then I might suggest some counselling to see if there's anything worth salvaging from the relationship.

But honestly he sounds like someone who it would be nice to close on the door on and never see again.

There's not a fraction of positivity in your post about him. I think you know what you need to do, you just need support that it's the right thing...and it really is Flowers

Arbadacarba · 02/07/2021 18:54

He sounds, at best, a total pain in the arse.

This behaviour reeks of being on a permanent power-trip - throwing his weight about in hotels, making you move seats, not respecting your privacy in the bathroom.

I'd be giving him the elbow.

GreyhoundG1rl · 02/07/2021 18:54

I can't think what you see in this little prick.

Iamacatslave · 02/07/2021 18:57

Why are you with him?

SixesAndEights · 02/07/2021 18:58

Why the fuck are you with this arsehole?

You need to dump him and sort out your self esteem.

Flowers
IsThePopeCatholic · 02/07/2021 18:58

He sounds horrible. Get rid.

Unanananana · 02/07/2021 18:59

The scales have fallen from.your eyes which is a great thing.

Take control and bin the twat.

randomkey123 · 02/07/2021 18:59

I wouldn't put up with any of that, OP.

He sounds exhausting.

Purplecatshopaholic · 02/07/2021 19:02

Jeezo. Why, just why, are you putting up with this shit? Get rid. Be happy.

porkincider · 02/07/2021 19:03

I’d be absolutely mortified if a DP did that. It’s just an absolute power thing to get staff running around and apologising to him for absolutely nothing. It suggests he’s deeply insecure and tries to boost his ego by making people he sees as inferior do his bidding. It sounds like he does it to you too which must feel humiliating for you. Get out. He’s not going to change.

Garden7CAT7 · 02/07/2021 19:05

Surely the point of going away for a short break after the lockdown, is to enjoy yourself. To have quality time together, some romance & some laughter & fun !

I don't see you saying any of these things ?

Does he appreciate you ?

You don't have to stay together

sunnyzweibrucken · 02/07/2021 19:05

He sounds a bonafide narc - get rid of him.