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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do you make of a man who ....

208 replies

EstherTW · 02/07/2021 18:42

I'd value opinions of a relationship with a man I have been apart from a lot during the lockdowns, and am seeing now with fresher eyes.

We went away for a night. It was my first night away since Oct 2019, I was so pleased! Whenever we have stayed in a hotel, he insists we change rooms. There's always something wrong with the one we are given. He always waits until I have unpacked, and I find it mortifying watching him try to press the staff into giving us a 'better' room, when the one we had is perfectly nice, and having to listen to him trying to barter with the manager.

When we 're having dinner, at some point he decides the view is better from my seat, and wants to change chairs, or move his chair around to sit next to me. He will make the staff move everything on the table. I hate it.

In our room, thinking I will enjoy the hotel bathroom and have a lovely bath, I knew he wouldn't leave me alone. He would come into the bathroom, try to take photos of me. He knows I won't want that, pretends he thinks its a joke.

He will criticise, and then pretend he isn't. Example, we arrived and I mentioned wanting to have some tea. He said, 'of course you do', in a cold, dismissive way, as annoyed. If I respond, he says, 'what, I just, said of course you do', and denies it being critical.

I hope you can understand what I mean. We've been together for years, but we don't live together, and so were apart during the lockdown. We've spent time together in the past few months, but I don't feel very happy. This night away just seemed to display something.

I would really like to know what anyone thought.

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 30/07/2021 10:37

Sometimes in life we don’t need to label a person as controlling or narcisist etc— utter knob covers all bases and he OP is an utter knob. As you are so awful you are doing him a favour by ending it

Wishes2020 · 30/07/2021 11:10

He sounds like a dick. Don’t put up with it.

Penhaligon · 30/07/2021 11:23

"I completely disagree with everything you have said. Do not contact me again"

or

"You are wrong. Fuck off"

Wineat5isfine · 30/07/2021 12:56

@Penhaligon

"I completely disagree with everything you have said. Do not contact me again"

or

"You are wrong. Fuck off"

I like this suggestion! Be strong OP…you just don’t need him 💐
me4real · 30/07/2021 14:01

Some of you ladies here seemed to have experience of trying to break away from people, and I just wondered what advice you might have.

Reply to him if you like, saying whatever you feel you want to reply to get it out of your system. Or just block without replying

Block on everything. That is all. It might feel hard in theory, but think of it as a movement of yor fingers for a minute, and it's done.

sleepyhoglet · 30/07/2021 14:41

What happens if you call his bluff eg arrive and ask "Is this room ok?" "I won't unpack till later- shall we go out". Or at a table- why don't you test each chair to see which you prefer?

Dixiechickonhols · 30/07/2021 14:48

He doesn’t sound like a nice person, someone you want to be with. It’s probably amplified as you’ve not been around him as much or in a hotel. One incident could be just nerves and wanting you to have a nice time but fact it’s multiple occasions it’s definitely him.

WhoIsPepeSilva · 31/07/2021 00:00

@Dappledsunlight

He's sounding like he may have some traits of autism perhaps? The fact you are questioning his behaviour shows that you have your own gut feelings that it's making you feel uncomfortable.
Take it from an autistic person, he may have autism too but he's mainly an arsehole who treats this woman and others badly. She is unhappy with him and happier on her own. So who cares if he's autistic? It doesn't excuse bad behaviour.
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