Goodness, thank you to everyone who replied. It's my first time posting, and I'm really grateful that so many of you ladies have responded.
I've read through the thread, and it is interesting! I thought people would say I was being too fussy.
Some people have asked why and how we are together. I have been ill, and had to give up my career, my flat and return to live with my mum at her home. Illness is isolating and lonely, and losing work and income is not something many people want to get too close to. Most of my friends have drifted away. I could never have asked any of my university friends to come to a benefits tribunal with me! Consequently, I have now become quite alone.
My partner and I met shortly before this happened to me. He lives in a city, and my home is with my mum, in the surrounding countryside. We've kept our lives like this for a few years, me going to stay with him. My financial situation makes this easiest, while there is no compelling reason to change.
He is now the only person I see, the only friend I still have. I wouldn't have chosen to live where I do, and it doesn't have too much to offer me, in my thirties, but I try to make the best of it. I had been borrowing a bit of city life with him, and then retreating back to my home, to recover!
He hasn't always been making me unhappy, although he has always had certain traits that gave me pause. The hotel room-changing being one, which encapsulates something. I've always hated it!
Lockdowns have been hard for me, having no friends locally. My mum is elderly now, and while originally I came home as I needed help, with time I have ended up taking care of her more. We were both shielding, and C19 has been difficult and lonely. I was so looking forward to a night away, to food not cooked by me, and to dress up and enjoy it!
My partner has become less kind about my illness. He isn't always as accommodating as he used to be. The sarcastic, 'of course you do' about my wanting a cup of tea after the journey before we did anything else is the type of comment he makes a lot.
He tells me that if I didn't come to see him, I wouldn't go anywhere, and will be looking after my mum on my own. He is starting to make me feel very down about my life. I don't have any other friends left, and don't know who else would want to get involved with me.
I do just wish I had some nice people in my life, to spend time with, and enjoy it, when I'm well enough. If you're very ill for a long time, people don't want to be involved, and they leave you behind.
So, that is why I put up with it. I hadn't been around it for a while (not travelling to see him during lockdowns, for my health protection, and my mum's), and it suddenly seemed so much worse!
Thank you for your replies. It is so interesting how instant your reactions were! You really all think, gaslighting and a bully, really that bad? I had just been thinking that his actions in public places were embarrassing, not sinister. I hadn't thought that he was consciously trying to embarrass me, to upset me. I thought he was socially awkward, occasionally a bit of an idiot, and got things wrong. Do you really all see it as more than that?