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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do you make of a man who ....

208 replies

EstherTW · 02/07/2021 18:42

I'd value opinions of a relationship with a man I have been apart from a lot during the lockdowns, and am seeing now with fresher eyes.

We went away for a night. It was my first night away since Oct 2019, I was so pleased! Whenever we have stayed in a hotel, he insists we change rooms. There's always something wrong with the one we are given. He always waits until I have unpacked, and I find it mortifying watching him try to press the staff into giving us a 'better' room, when the one we had is perfectly nice, and having to listen to him trying to barter with the manager.

When we 're having dinner, at some point he decides the view is better from my seat, and wants to change chairs, or move his chair around to sit next to me. He will make the staff move everything on the table. I hate it.

In our room, thinking I will enjoy the hotel bathroom and have a lovely bath, I knew he wouldn't leave me alone. He would come into the bathroom, try to take photos of me. He knows I won't want that, pretends he thinks its a joke.

He will criticise, and then pretend he isn't. Example, we arrived and I mentioned wanting to have some tea. He said, 'of course you do', in a cold, dismissive way, as annoyed. If I respond, he says, 'what, I just, said of course you do', and denies it being critical.

I hope you can understand what I mean. We've been together for years, but we don't live together, and so were apart during the lockdown. We've spent time together in the past few months, but I don't feel very happy. This night away just seemed to display something.

I would really like to know what anyone thought.

OP posts:
ArthurApples · 02/07/2021 21:46

You are wasting your short life with a man who is ruining it.

AnyFucker · 02/07/2021 21:53

Small penis syndrome

What a boring wanker he sounds. Believe me, everyone pities you when he starts with the knob bush behaviour.

Get rid

AnyFucker · 02/07/2021 21:53

*knobbish

seensome · 02/07/2021 21:53

Everything about him is just awful

Notmoresugar · 02/07/2021 22:16

What a complete twat - everyone must just laugh at the sad little man.

MrsPerfect12 · 02/07/2021 22:18

Ditch!

Tossblanket · 02/07/2021 22:18

Sounds like a weary bawbag

GreyhoundG1rl · 02/07/2021 22:20

@Notmoresugar

What a complete twat - everyone must just laugh at the sad little man.
And feel sorry for whoever is voluntarily accompanying him. Sorry, op, but he's actually making you look a fool by association.
QueenBee52 · 02/07/2021 22:54

it's 100% ALL about him ..

DITCH and BLOCK 🌸

AfterSchoolWorry · 02/07/2021 23:05

Why have you put up with this!?

Unreasonabubble · 02/07/2021 23:09

Really? No.

He is doing it to impress but all he is doing is embarrassing you.

He is controlling you (or at least trying to) with the photographs.

I would ditch him in a heartbeat.

GoodSister · 02/07/2021 23:17

He’s a controlling narcissist knob

Kanaloa · 02/07/2021 23:17

How can you be bothered? Why do you even have to ask what other people would make of him? I’d think what an unpleasant little creep. Honestly dump him and raise your standards massively.

Nannyamc · 02/07/2021 23:19

Nah..could not be doing this
Life is for living

Funatlast · 02/07/2021 23:23

Yes I’ve seen men like this in hotels and restaurants. I went on holiday once and the bloke on the next table sent back almost every meal on a two week holiday and I’ve never forgotten his poor wife looking mortified.

OliviaNewtAndJohn · 02/07/2021 23:30

Oh God, I’ve been the wife in this situation. It is mortifying. And one tiny incident will make the staff really nervous and prone to errors. I remember the fuss my ex made at a friend’s wedding when our room wasn’t super clean when we arrived. (He could have complained at reception and it would have been rectified but no, he had to tell everyone at our wedding table, and the bride ... Blush)

youvegottenminuteslynn · 02/07/2021 23:44

Ugh god private arseholery and performative arseholery to other people too.

How have you wasted years of your life on this man? No more, I hope?!

Don't even get me started on how disgusting this is too...

In our room, thinking I will enjoy the hotel bathroom and have a lovely bath, I knew he wouldn't leave me alone. He would come into the bathroom, try to take photos of me. He knows I won't want that, pretends he thinks its a joke.

He doesn't think it's a joke.

Life to him is one big dick swinging power play to make up for the fact that deep down he's just an insecure little prick with a point to prove.

Drop the rope. Disengage. Don't waste another day on this absolute prick.

When you break up, you'll be surprised how many people tell you they always disliked him.

Peach01 · 02/07/2021 23:59

He's hard work and high maintenance.

lockef · 03/07/2021 09:41

I could never relax being around someone like this.
It's great your eyes have been opened to his controlling behaviour - everything is about him as a pp said.

I think your life will be so much more enjoyable if you finish with him.

Lampzade · 03/07/2021 09:43

He lacks class

updownroundandround · 03/07/2021 10:35

@EstherTW

Seriously?? Shock

You need us to tell you ''He's an UTTER KNOBHEAD*??''

He insults you...........
He sexually abuses you..............
He upsets everyone, everywhere for KICKS............
He deliberately waits until you've unpacked/ food is served so that the embarrassment and 'inconvenience' is maximized...........
He treats hotel/serving staff like fucking servants............

And you need us to tell you to leave the prick ???? Shock

CandidaAlbicans2 · 03/07/2021 12:53

I don't feel very happy

I'm not surprised @EstherTW, he sounds tiresome and unpleasant. If he were my partner he'd be an ex as life's too short to put up with shit like this.

WantingToWonder · 03/07/2021 13:25

He sounds deeply unpleasant. I couldn't stay with someone who does this in hotels etc let alone someone who takes pictures of me against my will.

FinallyHere · 03/07/2021 14:12

He always waits until I have unpacked

How many times has he done this? Is he apologetic for the disruption or does he just expect you to go along with what he wants snd not complain ?

Honestly, what benefit do you get from having him in your life?

What you have told us about him sounds tedious in the extreme.

The fact that you are asking on an anonymous forum suggests that it is beginning to dawn on you what a pain he is.

You have the power to stop this in its tracks. Just don't put up with it.

And once you have dumped him, ask yourself why you put up with it for so long. I might have given him the benefit of the doubt once, so long as he acknowledged how inconvenient it was for me.

After he tried it the second time, I wouldn't give him a third chance. Why do you?

MondayYogurt · 03/07/2021 14:15

What happens if you refuse to move rooms or chairs?