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Original poster

Partner lied about where he stayed on a business trip

122 replies

Brie35 · 01/07/2021 23:26

I’d like some advice. My partner has started travelling for work again. We’re not married but have lived together for 4 years (been together for 5), we’ve spoken about having children this is something he really wants, and I do too.

I’ve found out he stayed in a 5* hotel while he was away, for 3 weeks. He told me he stayed in their business apartment and a different hotel. His trip was extended while he was away, and for 4 days of the trip once he’d extended we didn’t speak, he kept making excuses saying he had a long day (which he does have long days).

But something doesn’t feel right…I’m not sure if I should confront him, I didn’t snoop down his phone I saw the hotel on documents he travelled with. But I did call the hotel he said he stayed at and they have no record of him there, he stayed at the one on the documents I saw they confirmed the dates on the phone.

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 02/07/2021 10:14

Most PAs have standing orders to tell the wife /husband anything relevant they ask. I frequently hear PAs on friendly first name terms with wives as they talk regularly. It shouldn’t even be ‘putting them in that position’ if he weren’t hiding things.

userrnamemn · 02/07/2021 10:15

I would be careful to not let too many of the responses here get into your head at this stage. You’ve said he’s too busy when not travelling to have an affair, so who could he be having an affair with and when he is having the affair (aside from when he was away for this 3 weeks). I’m confused

caringcarer · 02/07/2021 10:16

Whatever you do don't get pregnant. I would not want to have sex with him unless I was sure he did not have a STD. It sounds like he found someone to sleep with on his work trip now he is not having sex with you until he gets checked out and given the all clear. You will have to decide if you would still want him if he has cheated on you. It is so much easier to split up with someone when there are no children involved.

Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 10:18

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Wait a minute. I was, totally "yeah he's had or is having it away with someone else, probably a colleague" but - he's drafted his resignation? And he's a high flyer? Surely that would be a time when a guy would naturally not act like their usual self.

I'm a cynical old cow and believe that monogamy is impossible for most people. But in this particular instance I'd keep an open mind.

He's a real high flyer. He build the company from scratch. The company has been on the rocks for a while a shareholder is trying to to break the company apart - we stopped having sex during Covid tbh, Christmas it was fine as we both had time off and was more relaxed.

Is it stupid there a small part of me that hopes you're right? The decision will be made by today or next week and then I'll decide to confront him about the hotel...thank you for comment :)

OP posts:
MondayYogurt · 02/07/2021 10:19

The resignation issue/shareholder issue would not require him to lie about the hotel.

Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 10:20

@caringcarer

Whatever you do don't get pregnant. I would not want to have sex with him unless I was sure he did not have a STD. It sounds like he found someone to sleep with on his work trip now he is not having sex with you until he gets checked out and given the all clear. You will have to decide if you would still want him if he has cheated on you. It is so much easier to split up with someone when there are no children involved.
I won't have children NO WAY! Thanks for your honesty...I'm going to let everyone know the outcome. Just want to get this shit over with whatever it is.
OP posts:
Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 10:20

@MondayYogurt

The resignation issue/shareholder issue would not require him to lie about the hotel.
I agree
OP posts:
Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 10:23

@userrnamemn

I would be careful to not let too many of the responses here get into your head at this stage. You’ve said he’s too busy when not travelling to have an affair, so who could he be having an affair with and when he is having the affair (aside from when he was away for this 3 weeks). I’m confused
You're right thank you very wise advise
OP posts:
Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 10:28

@userrnamemn

I would be careful to not let too many of the responses here get into your head at this stage. You’ve said he’s too busy when not travelling to have an affair, so who could he be having an affair with and when he is having the affair (aside from when he was away for this 3 weeks). I’m confused
I meant advice* I agree I also know my own insecurities...so I'm trying to differentiate between the two. It's just things don't add up you know? Mainly the days we didn't speak got me thinking weird shit...
OP posts:
MotherofTerriers · 02/07/2021 10:31

I'd keep quiet and collect more evidence. If you confront him he'll lie and cover his tracks more carefully

Thewookiemustgo · 02/07/2021 10:52

I would trust your spidey senses. When things don’t add up it’s because they don’t.
I thought my high flying husband was totally trustworthy, far too into his career and far too busy to have an affair.
I have absolutely no idea why my spidey senses started twitching, then as I looked at things and allowed myself to think the (what was for me) totally unthinkable and impossible, I started seeing that things were not quite right. Tiny things which actually on closer inspection could be taken two ways but in my blind trust in him I only saw in one.
He was far too stressed and busy because some of his alleged working hours were taken up in five star hotels twice a week with someone else.
‘Long lunches’ ‘late meetings’ ‘making up my hours this evening because we went out at lunchtime for X’s leaving do’ etc etc. All happening a long commute away and no overnighters so nothing at all that looked dodgy or not ‘normal’. It all happened ‘at work’.
Sorry to put a gloomy slant on this, but please don’t be me. Of course you want the opposite to be true. So did I. 37 years together and nothing before this to suggest he’d ever, ever let me down in this way. I trusted him totally and my brain kept pulling me away from even daring to think the worst, I actually felt guilty even suspecting him. 🙄
Just please trust yourself at the moment, not him. If you know he lied you need to know why.

userrnamemn · 02/07/2021 10:58

I would hold and let him get through his work stuff first, especially as the resignation is imminent. Don’t underestimate stress and how it could be affecting him - it sounds like he has been under an incredible amount of pressure.

Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 11:00

@userrnamemn

I would hold and let him get through his work stuff first, especially as the resignation is imminent. Don’t underestimate stress and how it could be affecting him - it sounds like he has been under an incredible amount of pressure.
I will do - it's taking it's toll I can see it which is why I haven't said anything yet.
OP posts:
Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 11:03

@Thewookiemustgo

I would trust your spidey senses. When things don’t add up it’s because they don’t. I thought my high flying husband was totally trustworthy, far too into his career and far too busy to have an affair. I have absolutely no idea why my spidey senses started twitching, then as I looked at things and allowed myself to think the (what was for me) totally unthinkable and impossible, I started seeing that things were not quite right. Tiny things which actually on closer inspection could be taken two ways but in my blind trust in him I only saw in one. He was far too stressed and busy because some of his alleged working hours were taken up in five star hotels twice a week with someone else. ‘Long lunches’ ‘late meetings’ ‘making up my hours this evening because we went out at lunchtime for X’s leaving do’ etc etc. All happening a long commute away and no overnighters so nothing at all that looked dodgy or not ‘normal’. It all happened ‘at work’. Sorry to put a gloomy slant on this, but please don’t be me. Of course you want the opposite to be true. So did I. 37 years together and nothing before this to suggest he’d ever, ever let me down in this way. I trusted him totally and my brain kept pulling me away from even daring to think the worst, I actually felt guilty even suspecting him. 🙄 Just please trust yourself at the moment, not him. If you know he lied you need to know why.
Thank you for sharing I'm very grateful for your openness, I'm very open too it's why I came on here. I'll send you a message once I've spoken to him, I'm also really sorry about your situation. Well done for being brave and getting out. It's amazing what we want to see when when we love someone - sending you a huge hug (hope that's not weird) x
OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 02/07/2021 13:49

I do know that incredible high level , high stakes stress can often trigger totally irrational behaviour ,

Crikeyalmighty · 02/07/2021 13:52

Be it affairs, drugs, hookers, nights away from home — there may be a logical reason for all this OP— but not necessarily an affair

Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 14:38

Hi everyone thank you so much for sharing your POV and experiences. I'm going to sign off from this as I need to focus on what's going on in my life rather than stare at my screen. I'm going to confront him, but I'll wait a few more days and get my head straight...

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 02/07/2021 14:51

Yeah doesn't sound great OP, I'm sorry

PhillipPhillop · 02/07/2021 14:54

Hope you can sort it out op. As a first class cynic I would look back on all the late nights, weekend working, nights away and hope that he was doing what he said he was doing. The recent stress might be because of all the lying.

5475878237NC · 02/07/2021 15:00

I would guess he has met someone whilst away and had an affair. That has now triggered a major crisis internally because he probably saw himself as a good bloke and now thinks he's an asshole. This is behind the resignation. Either that or he needs to get away from someone at work who knows what he did whilst away.

He'll be slowly internally trying to find ways to justify why he did it to make himself feel better (even if it's over). He'll be increasingly distant and snappy if it isn't.

HappyCamperT5 · 02/07/2021 15:02

Good luck 💐

Original poster
Brie35 · 03/07/2021 17:10

Just to let you all know he was with someone else, I found strong evidence last night and confronted him. Feel like I've gone through hell and back I'm glad that part is over. Thank you all for your encouragement and taking the time to read my post.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 03/07/2021 17:11
Thanks
Mayaspecialist · 03/07/2021 17:15

I am so sorry Flowers

lborolass · 03/07/2021 17:16

First time I've seen your thread and reading though your posts it strongly sounded like he was on the trips with someone else

Sorry it'd turned out like that, I hope you can get a resolution you can live with.