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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner lied about where he stayed on a business trip

122 replies

Brie35 · 01/07/2021 23:26

I’d like some advice. My partner has started travelling for work again. We’re not married but have lived together for 4 years (been together for 5), we’ve spoken about having children this is something he really wants, and I do too.

I’ve found out he stayed in a 5* hotel while he was away, for 3 weeks. He told me he stayed in their business apartment and a different hotel. His trip was extended while he was away, and for 4 days of the trip once he’d extended we didn’t speak, he kept making excuses saying he had a long day (which he does have long days).

But something doesn’t feel right…I’m not sure if I should confront him, I didn’t snoop down his phone I saw the hotel on documents he travelled with. But I did call the hotel he said he stayed at and they have no record of him there, he stayed at the one on the documents I saw they confirmed the dates on the phone.

OP posts:
JackieQueen · 03/07/2021 17:20

So sorry op, hope you have someone to support you Flowers

Delphigirl · 03/07/2021 17:26
Flowers I’m sorry to hear that OP.
WantingToWonder · 03/07/2021 17:27

I'm so sorry OP. It's so fucking shit (been there).

Hand hold for you Flowers

KatherineJaneway · 03/07/2021 17:36
Flowers
SinkGirl · 03/07/2021 17:37

I’m so sorry OP, it’s just soul crushing to go through this. So glad you don’t have children but devastating to feel you’ve wasted your time on someone who could do this.

I hope you have the strength to walk away from him - you know now that he’s a cheat and deceitful and going to great lengths to conceal his behaviours. I don’t know how you could ever trust him again.

Sending Flowers

HollowTalk · 03/07/2021 17:49

I hadn't seen this thread so I've just been reading your posts and had a horrible feeling you'd find out he was with someone. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

FWIW there are very, very few people who don't have the time to have an affair. A married man having an affair with a married woman can often keep quite regular hours as it's in both their interests to pretend all is well at home. It's only when one affair partner is married or living with someone and the other isn't that there are unexplained absences.

FunMcCool · 03/07/2021 18:01

So sorry

blisstwins · 03/07/2021 18:12

Very sorry. You sound strong, lovely, and brave. Don’t let him blame you, lack of sex, or whatever. Just follow your instincts. They have served you well.

crimsonlake · 03/07/2021 18:44

I read your thread yesterday and was hoping it would turn out okay for you. Really sorry to read this, hope you have some support going forward from family and friends.

toocold54 · 03/07/2021 19:12

I’m so sorry to hear that OP. Your instincts were correct and I hope posting on here has helped you in some way Flowers

Pissoi · 03/07/2021 19:27

I'm so sorry to see the update OP. Sadly many men are absolute shits, far too many of us have been where you are.

Take some time to think about what you want to do next, don't make any big decisions whilst your emotions are still so fresh and raw. Keep talking here if it helps Flowers

DancesWithTortoises · 03/07/2021 19:34

So sorry, OP

Skyline24 · 03/07/2021 19:38

How awful 😢.. have have things been left then? Relationships really are such hard work! Sending lots of love xxx

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 03/07/2021 19:48

Sorry OP that's really shit

Come back if you need support - you'll get loads here x

MsDogLady · 03/07/2021 20:06

Brie, I am so sorry. You’ve been a loving, empathetic partner. He, however, has proven to be a sneaky, lying cheat with no integrity.

Have you ended things?

Cazzwazz · 03/07/2021 20:11

You have got to ask him, give him an opportunity to tell you the truth. Don’t always assume the worst! Wish you all the best

MrsPerfect12 · 03/07/2021 20:15

I'm so sorry to see your update. Hope you're doing okay.

QueenBee52 · 03/07/2021 20:19

Im so sorry OP 🌸

OrangeBlossomMacaron · 03/07/2021 20:24

I’m so sorry Brie, you sound absolutely lovely, you will get through this. I hope you have some good friends to lean on but keep posting on here, you will get loads of support and incredibly wise objective advice from women who have been through exactly what you are going through.

Bloody cheating tossers, why can’t people be honest and behave with integrity. I bet you’ve been a really good partner to him as well 😤

EmmaGrundyForPM · 03/07/2021 20:26

I'm so sorry . You deserve better. I know it doesn't seem so at the moment, but I promise you that in the long run it's good that you have found out at this stage

Amandasummers · 03/07/2021 20:27

Sorry to hear this op. I will never understand why people do the things they do 😔

Lifeispassingby · 03/07/2021 20:30

I’m so sad to hear this, how are you doing today? Although not what you wanted, you are far better knowing the truth xx

DinosaurDiana · 03/07/2021 20:34

@Brie35

Just to let you all know he was with someone else, I found strong evidence last night and confronted him. Feel like I've gone through hell and back I'm glad that part is over. Thank you all for your encouragement and taking the time to read my post.
I’m so sorry to hear this 💐
Mollylikestodance · 03/07/2021 20:36

So sorry OP ThanksThanks

KCN2020 · 03/07/2021 20:41

😢 sorry to hear that OP. Always listen to your gut. Hope you are okay x