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Original poster

Partner lied about where he stayed on a business trip

122 replies

Brie35 · 01/07/2021 23:26

I’d like some advice. My partner has started travelling for work again. We’re not married but have lived together for 4 years (been together for 5), we’ve spoken about having children this is something he really wants, and I do too.

I’ve found out he stayed in a 5* hotel while he was away, for 3 weeks. He told me he stayed in their business apartment and a different hotel. His trip was extended while he was away, and for 4 days of the trip once he’d extended we didn’t speak, he kept making excuses saying he had a long day (which he does have long days).

But something doesn’t feel right…I’m not sure if I should confront him, I didn’t snoop down his phone I saw the hotel on documents he travelled with. But I did call the hotel he said he stayed at and they have no record of him there, he stayed at the one on the documents I saw they confirmed the dates on the phone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 08:22

@paimio

NC, but my DP did this to cheat on his ex with me. It doesn’t mean your DP is cheating obviously but I’d be very suspicious.

Alternatively, perhaps he was concerned if you knew it was a five star hotel you’d want to come and it would distract him from his work, or he was worried you’d disapprove of such luxury on what was supposed to be a work trip?

I’d be a bit miffed if my DP was staying at a five star hotel for several weeks and I wasn’t invited!

I've heard it's very easy to cheat whilst travelling because you can detach yourself easily so that makes sense.

I think considering the long hours he works and how heavy this year has been I wouldn't blame him for staying in a nice hotel, it's weird he half told the truth. I couldn't travel anyway we have a dog and I'm working. It's pretty difficult at the moment to leave anywhere unless you have to. Like many have said lying means you have something to hide...

OP posts:
Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 08:23

@Skyline24

Hi, I really hope you are ok, nothing worse than feeling lied to. 😢 I really would confront him when you are able to as it all does sound quite sneaky and you are owed an explanation. Let us know how you get on , hope you manage to sort it zzz
I really appreciate your empathy I'm ok I just need to get things out in the open so I don't go insane and I can sleep! Thank you so much I'll let you know the outcome...😥
OP posts:
Srae · 02/07/2021 09:17

I’m sorry you are going through this, hopefully he has just treated himself to a luxury hotel to relax and unwind after long, stressful days. If he tries to deny even with prof then you have problems.

I hope you get the answers you need to put your mind at rest.

HotPenguin · 02/07/2021 09:23

It's seems highly likely he is having an affair. Sorry. If he wanted to extend his trip to do a bit of sight seeing he would have just told you.

Do you own the house you live in and do you have a joint bank account? You might want to figure out how you will deal with all this before confronting him.

Peace43 · 02/07/2021 09:24

I travel for work lots. There’s no reason to lie to a partner about where you stay and / or flight changes etc.. I am careful to give my family and partner accurate information in case of emergencies (flight crashes, hotel fires, etc..). I would hate for them not to be completely clear about where I was if shit went down (which it has done in countries I’ve been away working in).

I’d be incredibly angry with your partner for lying and very suspicious about why he would do so.

Strikethrough · 02/07/2021 09:29

What did he lie about before? Have you confronted him now? I hope you're OK this morning.

bigbaggyeyes · 02/07/2021 09:34

I think you need to decide if his lying is a deal breaker.

For me it would be, even if he'd decided to treat himself and there is no ow, it would still be an issue to me.

People get hung up on an ow, and that is there dealbreaker, but I simply couldn't be with someone who chose not to tell me the truth

libertybonds · 02/07/2021 09:40

Don't expect him to come out with the truth. Liars still lie when confronted.

FawnFrenchieMum · 02/07/2021 09:45

With regards to hotels giving out the information, I’m a PA and often call hotels to get a copy of invoices and receipts and ask them to send me a copy, no one has questioned it to date. Obviously my company email address matches that of the employee I’m requesting it for but most confirm what I’m looking for before they ask my email address.

FawnFrenchieMum · 02/07/2021 09:45

OP, as a CEO does he not have a PA that might slip up with some details of his travel?

Jonnywishbone · 02/07/2021 09:50

Possibly he had a few days on the lash and paid for some company whilst he was out there. He isn't touching you because he is guilty or potentially even because he needs an STD test. Unless he has time for an affair in the UK its unlikely that it was someone who flew out with him.

EleanorOlephantisjustfine · 02/07/2021 09:54

It sounds like classic having an affair behaviour. I would never doubt your instincts. They are there for a reason. I personally wouldn’t say anything yet. I would let it run on and do some more investigation myself. I wouldn’t confront him until I had more evidence.

Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 09:56

@Jonnywishbone

Possibly he had a few days on the lash and paid for some company whilst he was out there. He isn't touching you because he is guilty or potentially even because he needs an STD test. Unless he has time for an affair in the UK its unlikely that it was someone who flew out with him.
He doesn't have time for an affair here at all! I think you're right that would make sense why he hasn't been near me, he's been intimate and kissed me and stroked me but nothing else. He also apologised that he's been distracted with work and we haven't had sex. To be honest we haven't been during Covid. Thanks for you comment I appreciate the honestly.
OP posts:
silkypillow · 02/07/2021 09:56

Isnt it more usual for the secretary to book travel? This would be a red flag for me if he's a CEO.
Tbh it's a good thing you're on mumsnet. There is so much advice around not staying with someone that it's almost definitely not going to be a happy relationship years down the line so it's better to deal with the pain of breaking up sooner rather than later.

I know it's not necessarily what you want to hear but it's 1000x easier to dump a guy without dc. Do that OP. You don't need to be sitting on the edge of your seat wondering if what why. If you feel that way somethings got you feeling like it. Don't ignore those feelings. And as pp have said whatever you do don't chain yourself in with a baby as well.

Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 09:56

@FawnFrenchieMum

OP, as a CEO does he not have a PA that might slip up with some details of his travel?
He does but I don't know her I wouldn't want to put her in that position...
OP posts:
Wormholes · 02/07/2021 09:57

I did call the hotel he said he stayed at and they have no record of him there

You don't trust him.

You need to split.

Youcanhavehim · 02/07/2021 09:59

Trust your senses x

YeokensYegg · 02/07/2021 10:03

What country is he going to and has it been the same one?
You'd think travel would still be limited with covid in so many countries.

Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 10:03

@EleanorOlephantisjustfine

It sounds like classic having an affair behaviour. I would never doubt your instincts. They are there for a reason. I personally wouldn’t say anything yet. I would let it run on and do some more investigation myself. I wouldn’t confront him until I had more evidence.
It does doesn't he. I should add he's also going through a process at work where he might be resigning so I'm guessing he'll use this as an excuse...he showed me the email yesterday and asked me to read it. I feel like I haven't confronted him because I'm protecting him! It's ridiculous.
OP posts:
singlehun · 02/07/2021 10:03

Is there a chance he felt guilty about staying in luxury while you were home and lied to make it seem less glamorous?

I can't see why having an affair would mean he'd lie about where he stayed...

MondayYogurt · 02/07/2021 10:05

The resigning issue is a nice cover up for him. Any confrontation without evidence he can point to that and accuse you of not supporting him.

Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 10:06

@silkypillow

Isnt it more usual for the secretary to book travel? This would be a red flag for me if he's a CEO. Tbh it's a good thing you're on mumsnet. There is so much advice around not staying with someone that it's almost definitely not going to be a happy relationship years down the line so it's better to deal with the pain of breaking up sooner rather than later.

I know it's not necessarily what you want to hear but it's 1000x easier to dump a guy without dc. Do that OP. You don't need to be sitting on the edge of your seat wondering if what why. If you feel that way somethings got you feeling like it. Don't ignore those feelings. And as pp have said whatever you do don't chain yourself in with a baby as well.

His PA is very new it's a small company he's been booking his flights by himself since we've been together...

I know what you mean. I think I'm waiting to calm down so I can decided what to say and what to do...thank you for your input. This feeling I have is really strong.

OP posts:
Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 10:06

@MondayYogurt

The resigning issue is a nice cover up for him. Any confrontation without evidence he can point to that and accuse you of not supporting him.
Yep! Exactly what I thought...
OP posts:
Original poster
Brie35 · 02/07/2021 10:07

@libertybonds

Don't expect him to come out with the truth. Liars still lie when confronted.
I won't I agree
OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 02/07/2021 10:13

Wait a minute. I was, totally "yeah he's had or is having it away with someone else, probably a colleague" but - he's drafted his resignation? And he's a high flyer? Surely that would be a time when a guy would naturally not act like their usual self.

I'm a cynical old cow and believe that monogamy is impossible for most people. But in this particular instance I'd keep an open mind.