he said he has "Alot going on"

[SamTaylor20]

Hey! So for context, I am a female dating a guy, we are both in our 20s and have been dating for around 4 months.

We arent official at the moment but things are going really great, we get on very, very well, we speak daily throughout the day, just general chit chat and we see each other very regularly too. Usually instigated by him! he is very hands-on and affectionate, always makes effort, etc. My family had a barbeque on Saturday and he and his friend were invited and they came, he spent time with my mother as it was her birthday, was a nice night. He spent the night and left at around 11 am as he goes to the gym regularly, he said he might come back after gym but he ended up going home as he felt too shattered. Which I was absolutely fine with. So yes, leading up to this point, all seems to be going well with not one red flag!

Now tell me if I'm being too much here and it will only be because I am rather desperate for this to work out (I am VERY into him).

This week I've noticed a change in his effort to keep up a conversation, he is taking ALOT longer to respond via text, so it's not actually a conversation that flows, it's half-hearted responses, etc.
When he does respond he will apologize and say he's just been so busy at work, but when he goes home I don't hear from him in the evening either. I then will get a message in the morning saying he apologizes and that he has been feeling so tired lately, fell asleep super early, and just wasn't on his phone.

Anyway, the same thing happened yesterday and I received a text this morning saying "I'm so sorry, I've just had so much going on at the moment, I'm feeling quite stressed out x", I felt bad for him as I know he does work super hard. So I just replied "that's fine, I hope you are genuinely okay? I'm here if you need me but you've got this, don't doubt yourself x" he didn't read it nor reply, that was at 9 am this morning. I just went to message him and can see he is online, which means he has seen my message and just not opened it.

My gut has gone into meltdown and is saying he just doesn't want to talk to me and has lost interest? but I also do know it's only been a few days, should I just let it flow and see? or should I confront him about it?

I must add I am very insecure, so I don't want that to cloud my thoughts of him.

Thank you, everyone, I am sorry if I sound ridiculous, I am super into him, which I think he knows, and as much as I'm playing it cool, inside I am super panicked.

Sam
xx

Or you know have sex if you want sex, or don’t if you don’t. Utilising sex as leverage in any relationship is unwise in the extreme for the long term health of that relationship.

@Dervel , that's really not what I meant , but I think you know this.

A person has every right to only want sex as part of a relationship that is seen as committed. And if one is really keen on another person it is wise to know that they are on the same page as you before getting too involved. Reading between the lines , the OP isn't interested in a fwb situation , I obviously can't say the same for the guy though , as he wasn't the one that started this thread.

Even Matt Hancock wasnt too busy at work to spend time with and plan a life with his mistress. He even had a wife and three kids. Busy is code for not that into you. Sorry! However, dont fret. All of my dating adventures looked exactly like this until I met the one at 35. He asked me to be his girlfriend on the first date and we discussed marriage on date 4. I basically saw him every day after the first date. That's what it looks like when it's the one. So stop wasting your time on Mr non committed , busy guy and free yourself up for Mr Right. The universe is waiting......

Why is he so drained after a first aid course that he can’t even send you a text that evening? I agree with pp that he sounds very dramatic.

That's an interesting development @SamTaylor20. I think you should continue, if you choose to, with your eyes well open. Trust is so important, takes a long time to build and is easily lost when someone behaves thoughtlessly. I hope you keep your options open personally.

@lockdownbreakdown where did you meet him, out of interest?

My mum always told me 'don't be so available' I think it's good advice.... don't keep time free in case he's about, go about your life and if you're free and want to see him great if not you're not.

I'm impressed OP, you're handling this really well.

Talks cheap, and he hasn't even offered you much of that recently. He may be realising that he's underestimated you, and perhaps he's overplayed his hand a bit. If he really doesn't want to lose you, he needs to make things 'official' surely.

What @earminted said!

Plus, as someone else suggested, he may just be at a loose end this weekend and is looking for a booty call.

No need to rush this. If he's keen, he'll step up his efforts and wait till you're ready.

What's he so busy doing? Running a country? Or, is he an MP? I mean MPs have a whole wife & family and still have time to run a mistress...

Is he a Very Important Man With Top Secret Work To Do?

Sorry I fail to understand why women give men like this the time of day, much less wasting time stepping back and "playing it cool" to see if that reels him in.

There are far better things to do, and better men out there to give your time to. If a man is worth your time you won't need to play games.

Especially for a man who has essentially already told and demonstrated to you he has no time for you aka you're not a priority for him.

Hi OP.

Well that's a turn up for the books, like you say funny how he now doesn't seem as busy. Seems like a weird game play from him? Proceed with caution is all I would advise.

However on a different note - you come across as so open and lovely and I have been bristling at the language you've been using about yourself. Calling yourself an idiot etc for liking or trusting someone. That does not make you an idiot. People play games in relationships, change their minds and behave badly. That's on that person alone and not the other half of the relationship.

You want to meet someone and have a committed relationship - I promise you there are men out there who want the same, make sure that if you do carry on this relationship you ask yourself how he makes you feel? Please try to work on your internal dialogue and self worth. Good luck.