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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Oh god, night away.

386 replies

Dinosaurrescueteam · 01/07/2021 08:08

I have posted about my DH before and his reluctance to allow me to have a night away ever (once in 13 years, since I had dc1).
DH is away with his friends this weekend. My parents have grudgingly agreed to have my dc for the night so I can go away for a night with a friend. We have some outdoor theatre and a meal the one night and then the hotel is a spa so we plan to have a relaxing day afterwards before travelling back.
DH won’t have the dc overnight on his own so it has to be a time when my parents can have them instead.
I’ve just told Dh. I had to really garner quite a lot of courage.
You’re doing what? Where are you staying? Show me the booking, is it twin beds? Why are you doing that? What about the dc, they’ll be upset. It’s not like you to have a night away. My spidey senses are tingling. What are you doing in the evening? Why don’t you go home afterwards? You know if I catch him what’ll happen? I’ll be going to prison.

It could have been worse, although I suspect it isn’t over. He’s up close and wagging his finger at me when he’s saying it. He’s saying it in a way to be jokey but he’s not joking. He said what’s good for the gander isn’t good for the goose.
I’m pretty close to not going.

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 01/07/2021 08:10

Close to not going? WHy the hell aren't you close to leaving your controlling tit of a husband?

Bluntness100 · 01/07/2021 08:12

Wtf why are you close to not going? Why are you not determined to put a stop to this controlling shit?

Aposterhasnoname · 01/07/2021 08:13

Dont you dare not go. And while you’re there plan to leave.

Oh, and you know he’s projecting right? He knows fine well what he gets up to on nights away so assumes everyone does the same.

Bananalanacake · 01/07/2021 08:13

Why let a fucking controlling man tell you what to do? You have someone to look after the DC you do what you want.

PostmanPatandhiscat · 01/07/2021 08:14

Jesus Christ I would be packing a suitcase for your trip and packing the rest of it whilst you’re at it and not go home !
Don’t let him wear you down . Go and have a nice night away .

Hopelessandlost · 01/07/2021 08:15

You're close to not going? OP you should definitely go and enjoy yourself! He sounds so controlling. It seems like he has trust issues. He can't do this to you for the rest of your life, there will be times you will want to go and have fun with your friends and it's not fair that he makes you feel like this every time.
How does he get to go out but won't let you? I really think you should go, don't stay home just because of what he's saying x

PartridgeFeather · 01/07/2021 08:15

Act like a doormat and a controlling dick will walk all over you.

LTB if at all possible. If not, just tell him to STFU and enjoy your weekend.

Oh, and find a friend or other reliable person to babysit if your parents are so reluctant to see their DGC.

Twilow · 01/07/2021 08:16

This is pretty disgusting. Why are you with him?

gurglebelly · 01/07/2021 08:17

Bloody hell, he sounds like a right controlling knob. I'd be worried about why he's so convinced that staying away overnight automatically means an affair - after all it sounds like he stays away no problem......

Pinchoftums · 01/07/2021 08:17

This is your chance to leave the cunt. What a nasty woman hating shit.

Why stay? Why let your children learn to be treated like this? Start planning your escape. Then you can always be free of this.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 01/07/2021 08:18

I read your other thread. I’m glad your parents are having the DC and you’re able to get away for the night but think about if you really want to live like this!

idontlikealdi · 01/07/2021 08:19

Fuck that shit. Pack your bags and don't go back.

PyjamaFan · 01/07/2021 08:19

Go for your night away.

And then plan how you're going to leave him.

Windmillwhirl · 01/07/2021 08:20

Oh my God. This is so bizarre. You do know this is not normal. You are effectively a night prisoner, forbidden from going out without him.

He is totally warped. What do your family/friends think?

Warmduscher · 01/07/2021 08:21

Please don’t cancel, OP.

You need to start getting your life back, with or without the end goal being to leave him.

poppy2021 · 01/07/2021 08:22

@PyjamaFan

Go for your night away.

And then plan how you're going to leave him.

This!!!
30degreesandmeltinghere · 01/07/2021 08:25

Ime it will get worse..
TMI alert.
My exh used to 'check' me to feel of i had been out having sex when I went out with my friend..
Same friend picked me up from the Airport when I went as a carer to a retreat with my disabled aunt.. Exh tipped out my case to check my underwear.. I was mortified..

ineedaholidaynow · 01/07/2021 08:27

You need to plan how you are going to leave forever not just one night

peanutttttt · 01/07/2021 08:28

Go! You deserve it.

DinosaurDiana · 01/07/2021 08:29

@ineedaholidaynow

You need to plan how you are going to leave forever not just one night
I agree.
Sexnotgender · 01/07/2021 08:29

So he can go away (and I assume isn’t subject to the Spanish Inquisition) but you can’t?

Nope. Get out. He’s a controlling arsehole.

Ostryga · 01/07/2021 08:29

God. Go out this weekend and enjoy yourself.

Then make a plan on how you are going to divorce this disgusting man and live the rest of your life how YOU want to.

MistyFrequencies · 01/07/2021 08:30

Leave him. This is not a relationship model you want your children to see. @30degreesandmeltinghere sorry you went through that, glad you say exh.

litterbird · 01/07/2021 08:30

.....and you stay with him because?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 01/07/2021 08:31

You have to go! Do not give in and do enjoy yourself.

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