Oh god, night away.

[Dinosaurrescueteam]

I have posted about my DH before and his reluctance to allow me to have a night away ever (once in 13 years, since I had dc1).
DH is away with his friends this weekend. My parents have grudgingly agreed to have my dc for the night so I can go away for a night with a friend. We have some outdoor theatre and a meal the one night and then the hotel is a spa so we plan to have a relaxing day afterwards before travelling back.
DH won’t have the dc overnight on his own so it has to be a time when my parents can have them instead.
I’ve just told Dh. I had to really garner quite a lot of courage.
You’re doing what? Where are you staying? Show me the booking, is it twin beds? Why are you doing that? What about the dc, they’ll be upset. It’s not like you to have a night away. My spidey senses are tingling. What are you doing in the evening? Why don’t you go home afterwards? You know if I catch him what’ll happen? I’ll be going to prison.

It could have been worse, although I suspect it isn’t over. He’s up close and wagging his finger at me when he’s saying it. He’s saying it in a way to be jokey but he’s not joking. He said what’s good for the gander isn’t good for the goose.
I’m pretty close to not going.

Oh, and he is up to no good when he is away. He hasn’t the intelligence to not apply his own standards to your behaviour.

I’m pretty close to not going leaving him

Fixed your typo for you OP.

That is shocking!

So he can just go away whenever but you can’t, he won’t look after his own children and accuses you of having an affair when going out with a friend FOR ONCE IN 13 YEARS!!

This is not normal, don’t you dare cancel!

Your husband is abusing you. Don't being your children up in a home like this, please.

I don't say this to upset you but I'd bet my house that he's cheating on you. No one would be THAT paranoid and controlling unless they were A) up to no good themselves, or B) mentally ill. If its the latter then I'd be expecting him to acknowledge his condition and seek immediate counselling or you have to split.

Also, and I'm sorry if this comes across harsh (but I've had no sleep and am irritable), but are you actually going to heed this advice and leave him?
I find it really trying when posters talk about what abusers their partners are but then make a total 180 and defend and stay with them.
Enough people have replied to tell you this is abuse, emotional / coercive control. Please do something and leave.
Do it this weekend whilst he's away

I want to leave him.

What is stopping you ? How can we help ?

I can’t believe you pressured your parents into having your D.C. overnight but accept that their own father shouldn’t have to ever take full responsibility for them.

Why are you married to this Prick?

Do you want your DC to grow up thinking this is ok?

Good, so start making plans to leave. Are you financially dependent on him? What’s your housing situation? Do you work? How many DC and how old?

Apologies, I didn’t see your latest post.

Start making plans to leave and ask your friends for support.

@Dinosaurrescueteam

I want to leave him.

I would say cancel the night away with your friend and leave this weekend whilst he's away. You can then have loads of nights away once you're free of this prick... What's your financial situation? Do your parents know about all of this?

Did you post about this recently? Sounds familiar. Do you plan on staying with him? This is no way to live.

Get out and get away from this man.
You and your children deserve better.

He sounds like a right bastard. Smile and tell him that you'll visit when he's in prison! Do not change your plans.

You know what, I wouldn't go. I'd spend the weekend packing his bag and getting copies of all the financial documents and a locksmith to change the locks.

He’s a rotten shit and you deserve better. You’re allowed to be happy.

Ok - so two dc, one aged 5 and one aged 12 (one night away since I feel pregnant with him, 13 years ago), I earn approx £1,600 a month and work 28 hours.
I’m pretty poor compared to him.

He said he’d need two body bags. If he caught him. He’d need two body bags.

But you could be rich enough to support yourself and the children.
He’d (supposedly) have to support the children.
He seriously sounds dangerous.
Get away!

Can you leave this weekend? Do your parents know what's going on? Can you stay with them for the time being?

Can you call women’s aid when he’s away this weekend for their advice?

You need to leave him ASAP.

My ex would really ramp up the control if I dared hint I might want to visit family overnight. He once said, "If you go, how do I know you will come back?"
He knew his actions were so grim that I should leave and not go back.
I wonder if this is what your H is thinking.
Sending you love and courage xx

Oh god, that's awful and I think you know it too. Yes, you really do need to leave him.