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Original poster

Has anyone experienced such an intense chemistry with a new partner before?

249 replies

OrlandointheWilderness · 30/06/2021 21:03

I've just started seeing someone. From the second I saw him it has been overwhelming, there is an incredible pull towards him but a familiarity at the same time. Sexually it is like nothing I've ever experienced before. He is feeling the same - he brought it up the other day and said about it. It's like a craving, but instead of craving on a purely sexual level I'm craving him. We connect on an intellectual and emotional level too, it's effortless and feels as easy as breathing.

It's terrifying me quite frankly! We started seeing each other three weeks ago and I'm not a lovesick teenager, I'm a grown woman and he is a grown man. As back ground we've never met before but have mutual friends and he is pretty universally thought of as a decent, good man.
Does anyone have experience of this?!

OP posts:
layladomino · 01/07/2021 09:57

Pressed send too soon! I meant to say also - just be aware of your 'terrified' feelings. Might be just a turn of phrase, but if there is a part of your that feels nervous or concerned, it could be your gut reminding you to slow down a bit.

Otherwise - enjoy!

Fistful · 01/07/2021 10:09

@whichwayisup

Yes, it's called falling in love and it's amazing. Of course it's not the answer to everything and maybe you've been unlucky enough to fall in love with a psychopathic covert narcissistic freak. But chances are it is just another fairly normal human being with all sorts of insecurities and weaknesses. Enjoy the love dust...it's just the best thing in the world.
That’s not what I’m saying, only that sometimes the intensity of the initial connection can — as in my case — camouflage a more humdrum reality, because it can create a sense of being well-matched soulmates when in fact it’s a rush of hormones and sexual attraction designed to make people think entirely that and bond and reproduce.

In my case, that rush made him (temporarily) a much more vivid and interesting person. We’re still in touch — this was ages ago — and he’s been married and divorced and is now in a new relationship. In both cases I can see the same pattern as with me — an initial rush makes him a lively, interested-in-the-world person, after which he reverts to his default mode of sitting on the sofa.

DeadButDelicious · 01/07/2021 10:24

Yup. We will have been together for 17 years next month.

The attraction was instant, the connection impossible to deny. We'd also ran in similar circles for years and never met but when we did it was like we were making up for lost time. We moved in together after a month, engaged after 6 and married at 2 years.

As soppy as it sounds he is my best friend.

whichwayisup · 01/07/2021 10:34

So fistful... You had the bad luck to fall in love with an arse.. Such is life. Mine can be an arse too but mostly he's alright. I suppose choosing a partner in life always has risks attached. I like the falling in love method. When things are tough it's nice to remember the love dust. And I also know that the love dust isn't enough to keep us together forever, life is long and people can be shit to one another.

BreakingJulep · 01/07/2021 10:41

@YeokensYegg

Yes, at an airport. I was just sitting there by the gates being bored and I happened to look up and locked eyes with him. The most intense wave of energy engulfed me head to toe. I felt like a couldn't breathe. He walks to where I was sitting. and asked me my name. We exchanged names and chit chat and I said so you felt that too. I was going to Madrid and he was going to Hong Kong but now he's going to Madrid. We went to the counter, he bought a seat and changed my ticket to sit together. We spent an amazing 3 weeks there. 😁
Hmm Is this real, or something you saw on TV?

A stranger changed his ticket from Hong Kong to Madrid because you had an intense eye contact moment?? Really?!

MrsBungle · 01/07/2021 10:56

I’ve felt this way with most of the guys I ended up in a long term relationship with. Initial passion and intense feelings. I’ve just always thought it’s the honeymoon period! The intensity wears off. The day I met my dh I told my best friend id met my future husband. We got engaged within 3 months, married within the year and still together 17 years later.

Fistful · 01/07/2021 11:03

No, not really, @whichwayisup. He’s a nice man, as well as attractive and intelligent — I’d still consider him a friend all these years on, despite now living in different countries — it’s just that the temporary chemical rush both (1) made me see us as more suited than we were and (2) made him a more active and engaged person than he was once that initial rush has subsided, hence contributing to me seeing us as more suited than we were.

He’s not an arse at all, just a rather passive, routine-bound individual when not in the excitement of a new relationship. And the deeply jarring thing for me was realising after a year that the person I’d fallen for didn’t really exist. In the first rush he was the kind of person who’d organise a weekend in NY at no notice to see a play we both wanted to see. Later on, I realised he was fundamentally someone who adopted the enthusiasms of his partners, and their social circles, and that left to himself, his idea of bliss was a weekend of solo channel surfing in his slanket. Grin

whichwayisup · 01/07/2021 11:53

In that case fistful I'd say that it just didn't work out with the guy... Still sounds like a brilliant year to have experienced. I remember thinking every time I left my dh in those first few months, that if I didn't see him again I didn't care because it had been such an amazing time and was just grateful to have experienced it. It really was just an amazing time actually, certain smells and songs just take me right back to it and mmmmm...... just pure bliss. I've not had it again because I married him, but I could have split with him too - we are not without our many issues...I think if we'd split I would still remember the falling in love with misty delight.

notmethenwho · 01/07/2021 11:59

@Chunkymenrock

Yes I have. Unfortunately I was married when it happened. It's probably limerance.
Same :(
Original poster
OrlandointheWilderness · 01/07/2021 13:15

This has turned into a really interesting thread - thank you to everyone that has contributed!

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 01/07/2021 13:18

@Naaaaah

no, never. no one before you has ever experienced a deep sexual/emotional connection with someone. you are the first.
Grin

awww though, I'm happy for you. I'm still quite fond of my own fella after 20 odd years :p

Flyg · 01/07/2021 13:28

Never. But the hope of it is why I wont settle for any less, I would rather be alone than settle. Congratulations x

logincard · 01/07/2021 13:33

@inmyslippers

Yes he turned out to be a narcissist and was love bombing me
me too. it has destroyed my faith in men. well, mainly in my own judgement of men ....
Mylifestartstoday · 01/07/2021 13:50

Oh god yes.....I felt a connection immediately, thought he did too. He was mirroring me though (I think), when he had me hooked, he became less available, more emotionally abusive. The things he said he wanted, he changed his mind. If I saw him we would be naked within 2 minutes, but I know he just keeps me on messages to keep me hanging. I’m not strong enough to let him go.
He’s a narcissist, and I know that, but it was amazing at the time

SingingInTheShithouse · 01/07/2021 13:53

Oh gawd the party poopers are out in force Confused

My experience of Narcs wasn't anything like this at all, my gut feeling was always uneasy, but put that down to me as I'd had a few shit prior relationships & he was acting like a dream guy, so I over rid my instincts thinking maybe it was better settling for a decent guy over my usual bad boy ... BIG mistake

Nothing like that at all with DH so I'm surprised by the number thinking this is purely love bombing & infatuation with that idea. Don't any of you have any instincts over people Confused

Bryonyshcmyony · 01/07/2021 14:49

My dh wasn't a narcissist. He was just a nice, normal bloke, still is. We had an instant, intense connection literally the first time we laid eyes on each other. I'd had plenty of boyfriends and often fancied the pants off people but this was completely different.

Fistful · 01/07/2021 14:59

@SingingInTheShithouse

Oh gawd the party poopers are out in force Confused

My experience of Narcs wasn't anything like this at all, my gut feeling was always uneasy, but put that down to me as I'd had a few shit prior relationships & he was acting like a dream guy, so I over rid my instincts thinking maybe it was better settling for a decent guy over my usual bad boy ... BIG mistake

Nothing like that at all with DH so I'm surprised by the number thinking this is purely love bombing & infatuation with that idea. Don't any of you have any instincts over people Confused

I don't think it's necessarily love bombing or an indication of narcissism, because the object of my affections was an enormously nice man, but the intense initial hit of dopamine, oxytocin, norepinephrine and whatever the hell else is in that heady 'falling in love' cocktail stopped me realising that, when we weren't both buoyed up by that, he was completely unsuited to me. He behaved in a way that was completely out of character when he was newly in love.

But that's the whole point of the chemistry of falling in love -- it's designed to make us pairbond and reproduce, so the whole point of it is that it shuts down parts of the brain that involve critical thinking and rational behaviour.

Skatastic · 01/07/2021 20:26

Yes and we've been together 15 years now. I still feel like it most of the time. He introduced me to his mates as the woman he was going to marry after about a fortnite?

timetochangeagainforever · 09/07/2021 09:53

Yes, I'm 50 and in the exact same situation! Very excited to see him in a few hours.
Just go with it.
I felt the same with my ex husband very early on and we had 22 happy years together and are still friends with two lovely (now adult) children.
Good luck and enjoy

timetochangeagainforever · 09/07/2021 10:01

I also have the issue around 'boyfriend' 🤣
Have fun and I hope it all works out fir you

timetochangeagainforever · 09/07/2021 10:02

Lovely, reassuring posts here.

JustAnotherOldMan · 09/07/2021 10:18

No, never felt like that about anyone including ex Wife and ex Partner, (maybe why both are ex’s), maybe will happen someday

absolutecarnage · 09/07/2021 14:55

Yep, three years later we are saving for a house made plans for the future and have blended our families. That first year was the best year of my life to date and it still continues to be great even in times of hardship.

It was so intense in the early days I thought I was literally going to end up in psychiatric care it was that confusing and emotional and I was frightened that I was going to get hurt or mess things up.

Enjoy it whilst it lasts, embrace every second of it.

absolutecarnage · 09/07/2021 14:57

Just to add on top of the negative experiences on here - even if it does turn out to be a huge flop of a heartbreak - embrace it still. It’s an experience in itself!

BillyShears · 09/07/2021 15:04

Yes. Twice. First one was a mentalist but the second one I married and am happily still married to.