Has anyone experienced such an intense chemistry with a new partner before?

[OrlandointheWilderness]

I've just started seeing someone. From the second I saw him it has been overwhelming, there is an incredible pull towards him but a familiarity at the same time. Sexually it is like nothing I've ever experienced before. He is feeling the same - he brought it up the other day and said about it. It's like a craving, but instead of craving on a purely sexual level I'm craving him. We connect on an intellectual and emotional level too, it's effortless and feels as easy as breathing.

It's terrifying me quite frankly! We started seeing each other three weeks ago and I'm not a lovesick teenager, I'm a grown woman and he is a grown man. As back ground we've never met before but have mutual friends and he is pretty universally thought of as a decent, good man.
Does anyone have experience of this?!

[mangojango]

Yes . Still together 15 years later - and 2 kids

[secular39]

Yes but later on discovered that he was an abuser. I vowed to never let myself fall head over heels for a guy. They usually take advantage and when they leave it hurts.

[CandyLeBonBon]

@Iamuhtredsonofuhtred

Yes. He turned out to be a wanker but at first it was incredible

Same. Turned to be an abusive arsehole but yes intense connection and sexual chemistry for sure.

[Lovelydiscusfish]

Yeah, been together a year now. The physical connection is still as intense and overwhelming as ever - literally cannot keep our hands off each other - and it’s a good relationship - but I no longer think he’s as absolutely perfect in every regard as I at first did. Nobody is….

[Fistful]

@category12

Just to be clear it isn't a sexual thing - yes there is an element of it there, and the sex is utterly incredible, but it does go far past that.
And I'm pretty well versed on love bombing - there has been no warning signs that I've seen from him.
I am also completely aware of everything that can go wrong here. That why I posted really - this is scary! Wonderful, but terrifying.

It's only been 3 weeks

This.

For everyone whose relationship like this worked out, there's someone for whom it turned out shit. I had the thunderbolt experience and amazing chemistry with my ex.

Chemistry is just that. It's incredible, and it's fun, and it's mind-blowing. But whether the relationship has legs or not is not rooted in chemistry.

At three weeks, you really are fooling yourself to say there's no signs of this or that. It's three weeks!

Exactly. In my case, the chemistry was astonishing, but after the bones of a year and when the first absolutely crazily intense flush of hormones had worn off, I realised he was in fact a rather passive, inert individual, and wasn’t for me.

[LivingLaVidaCovid]

Yes.
It was way more intense than limerence. The only thing I can at a stretch imagine it was similar to was being addicted to crack.
It was all consuming and overwhelming I could barely think about anything else.

He was an absolute psycho, narc, abuser.
The weirdest bit was not long in I KNEW this and he knew it too!
I have fairly good boundaries but couldn't stop myself going down that path. He in a (moment of decency?) Gave me the excuse I needed to plug the plug. He then proceeded to stalk me whilst sending me vile abuse. I ended up emailing him at his work email & said he needed to stop (he was under multiple investigations due to behaviour and this gave him enough fear to pack it in)
but I'd have easily thrown my 30s away on him.

Nice some people found and married their soulmates but I'd be on alert.

[fairydust11]

Yes! We got married years ago 😊
It sounds like you have met your soul mate. I believe that feeling and intensity is a connection on a soul level. Enjoy!

[QuimKardashian]

I had this and then after a year he became a complete arsehole because he had the same thing with someone else!
Awful for me tbh

[QuimKardashian]

@LivingLaVidaCovid

Yes.
It was way more intense than limerence. The only thing I can at a stretch imagine it was similar to was being addicted to crack.
It was all consuming and overwhelming I could barely think about anything else.

He was an absolute psycho, narc, abuser.
The weirdest bit was not long in I KNEW this and he knew it too!
I have fairly good boundaries but couldn't stop myself going down that path. He in a (moment of decency?) Gave me the excuse I needed to plug the plug. He then proceeded to stalk me whilst sending me vile abuse. I ended up emailing him at his work email & said he needed to stop (he was under multiple investigations due to behaviour and this gave him enough fear to pack it in)
but I'd have easily thrown my 30s away on him.

Nice some people found and married their soulmates but I'd be on alert.

Yes. This

[OrlandointheWilderness]

Oh don't worry - I think I have made it abundantly clear that I AM on my guard, I'm not an idiot and I am certainly no lovesick teenager. I just posted for peoples different experiences because I personally have never had this happen before and it is a new thing to me.

[PeridotPenelope]

Yes this (sort of) happened to me when online dating. First meeting took my breath away. However neither of us were great at communicating how we were feeling and after six months of dating he ended it feeling we were different people. Had we communicated more openly it might have been different.

We both ended up marrying other people although I did get divorced.

We still stay in touch for Christmas and birthdays though. Funnily enough I think we are now much more similar than we were and have very similar interests!

[Bryonyshcmyony]

Mine wasn't just sexual chemistry. I really really liked him, for want of a better word. I loved his personality. Still do. I'm a difficult old bird and he's just the most easy going, funny person.

[bathsh3ba]

Yes, but we are taking it super slowly and I'm very aware it may go nowhere in the end. We both feel a pull we haven't felt before but we have also both been hurt before and are cautious. I have a good feeling about it though and lots of 'coincidental' signs keep popping up which make me smile.

[category12]

It sounds like you have met your soul mate. I believe that feeling and intensity is a connection on a soul level. Enjoy!

It's really not that. Sure, enjoy, and yes, it may turn out to be a good and long relationship - but it could also just be amazing chemistry with someone who turns out to be a bit crap or toxic. These feelings don't make the guy magically the right person.

[Lovelydiscusfish]

I think much of it for me was finally meeting somebody who is in many ways a lot like me (I’m a bit weird so this is highly unusual!). I don’t mean shared interests particularly (tho we do have those) - I’ve had that before, for example with my narc ex - he claimed it made us soul mates - actually we just liked a lot of the same stuff, but on the inside we couldn’t have been more different.

With this one it’s more that we’re similar on the inside (if anyone knows Wuthering Heights, it’s like that bit where Cathy says “Nelly, I AM Heathcliff”) But that’s not uncomplicatedly a good thing (it wasn’t for Cathy!). It does mean there is understanding and sympathy, and you are never left bewildered wondering what they are up to. But at the same time, the mood-matching can be exhausting, and it’s not always the best thing to be able to see what somebody else is thinking…..

For me, this similarity caused me to fall in love when I had absolutely vowed never to fall in love again - it quite overcame my common sense…..

No relationship is perfect tho I wouldn’t suppose….. Just enjoy it for what it is and see how it develops!

[Tanfastic]

@Iamuhtredsonofuhtred

Yes. He turned out to be a wanker but at first it was incredible

Haha, yep, you took the words right out of my mouth.

[Sailingthroughtheweek]

Yes! He was a personality disordered Narcissist. The love bombing phase was overwhelmingly amazing.. it soon deteriorated.

[Sunshineandflipflops]

Yes, I have felt this kind of connection twice. The first time I was 16 and we are about to divorce 26 years later because apparently I am not the only woman he was able to have these feelings for and the other was a 5 month fling post separation which for various reasons was never going to be long term but wow, the chemistry was awesome!

I feel I have got a happy medium with my bf of 2 years now. I fancy him a lot and we get on really well but past experiences have made me a little less hot headed.

[Wonderbraaaas]

@OrlandointheWilderness this is so lovely! I have a thread going at the moment with my newish DP who has an unusual communication style. It’s sometimes not been massively easy from that perspective. But, from the day we met he has made me happy in a way I didn’t realise was possible. That’s never stopped. In the first few weeks I felt exactly like you and it is the best feeling, I felt like I was a walking on air (and still do a lot of the time). Those saying to calm down etc, why should you!! Enjoy it! Yes it will likely feel differently in a few months but with a start like this it has the potential to be something pretty wonderful.

[PeridotPenelope]

@Sunshineandflipflops

The first time I was 16 and we are about to divorce 26 years later because apparently I am not the only woman he was able to have these feelings for

These are wise words. I read a book once which advised caution about partners who seem to experience intense, overwhelming feelings. The book said ‘Be careful because it is likely you won’t be the only one they fall for’.

How true…

[lothermand]

I'm currently practising mindfulness with my new beau. I'm enjoying the moment, but mindful he could turn out a right twat

[PurpleFlower1983]

Yes with my gorgeous husband.

[motogogo]

Yes, been together over 18 months including right through lock down of course, it's amazing when it happens

[whichwayisup]

Yes, it's called falling in love and it's amazing. Of course it's not the answer to everything and maybe you've been unlucky enough to fall in love with a psychopathic covert narcissistic freak. But chances are it is just another fairly normal human being with all sorts of insecurities and weaknesses. Enjoy the love dust...it's just the best thing in the world.

[layladomino]

Relationships start in differnt ways, and I don't think there's a 'better' or 'worse' way. Passionate and deep from the start - great. Slow burner, friends first - great. I don't think either one is a predictor of what's to come necessarily. Both can equally end in a longterm happy relationship / a painful split.

In my own experience, the best, most passionate and deppest relationship was the one that started VERY slowly. Painfully slowly at times.