Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

This is monumentally shit, right?

260 replies

yukitree · 06/06/2021 23:00

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months, things have been going really well and it's at the stage where things are starting to get a bit more serious. We had plans for this evening for us to get a take out at his. He went to the pub with his friends this afternoon, then I text him when I was leaving and he invited me to the pub too. This is probably a bit naive on my part, but I expected to stay for a drink and then do the original plan of going back to his. When I showed up he was drunk, and I sat there for an hour and a half feeling awkward with 4 blokes I hadn't met before. During which he was jokingly asking things like 'who would you bang out of my friends'. To be honest I felt really uncomfortable the whole time, and maybe I should've preempted it, but had I known I'd be sitting there for over an hour with men I didn't know (whilst really hungry as I hadn't had any dinner!) I wouldn't have bothered. I could've forgiven the sitting in the pub awkwardly for an hour and a half but then to make matters worse, he decides to drive home, he'd had at least 6 pints so he was well over the limit.

Up to this point I had really liked him, there were no red flags and things were going great. I feel really upset (maybe I'm being sensitive), but this is monumentally shit isn't it and I shouldn't see him again. Oh and to add - we are both in our late 30s with children.

OP posts:
GreenTeaPingPong · 06/06/2021 23:03

On the one hand, it could be a good sign that he wants you to meet his friends. On the other, the crass comments and being drunk are off-putting.

But drink driving at any age, let alone as a parent, is really bad, and would make me re-think this relationship.

Bigbus · 06/06/2021 23:04

It’s hard to comment about the drunkenness - people do get past their limit by accident. But the driving after 6 pints is really awful. What did you do? I’m asking because I’ve been in similar situations but with work colleagues not my partner. Should you call the police?

Mammyloveswine · 06/06/2021 23:05

The meeting his friends and getting accidentally day drunk id forgive but not driving home.. did you get in the in car? Dry to stop him?

GNCQ · 06/06/2021 23:06

He's a loser.

yukitree · 06/06/2021 23:06

I tried to persuade him not to drive and I would drive us both home but he insisted on driving. He was slurring and clearly had too much.

OP posts:
Thatnameistaken · 06/06/2021 23:06

That is shit! Be relieved you've found out who he is now, you don't need to waste any more time.

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/06/2021 23:06

This is awful.

Drink driving kills - for that alone, never speak to the prick again Angry - and to ask you who you’d have sex with is boundary pushing and a huge red flag, I actually think that’s quite scary. Toxic masculinity.

Mammyloveswine · 06/06/2021 23:07

Not blaming you op just wondering what his reaction was!

Feellikeimsinking · 06/06/2021 23:07

Asking who you would bang out of his friends is incredibly disrespectful, it will only get worse from here.

I don’t think I could forgive him for getting behind the wheel of car so incredibly intoxicated. I’d walk away before I became any more attached if it was me.

thepinkstuff · 06/06/2021 23:08

He may take your kids in the car one day.....

gelatodipistacchio · 06/06/2021 23:08

Sorry, both the sexual comments and the drink driving would have put me well off. At least you know now?

Horehound · 06/06/2021 23:08

I would t have minded staying in the pub and meeting mates...who cares if you don't know them? That's the point. You chat to get to know people. And I'd have ordered food rather than sit there getting hungry.

The shit things are his stupid comments about who you'd Shah out of his mates and the drink driving...did you get in his car?!

I'd ditch him for that alone.

MarchionessDeCamden · 06/06/2021 23:08

Sorry lovely but this one needs to go in the bin...

Next!

Fyredraca · 06/06/2021 23:09

I'm afraid I would probably have called the police on him.

GroggyLegs · 06/06/2021 23:09

The horrible 'who would you bang' humiliating questions.
Drink driving.
Changing the plan without actually telling you.

In that order - it's a no from me.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 06/06/2021 23:10

I also would have called the police. Total deal breaker too obviously.

Next!

SnarkyBag · 06/06/2021 23:10

Yup I’d binning him off. Sounds like he turns into a bit of a tosser after a drink and drink driving is just an absolute no

GroggyLegs · 06/06/2021 23:10

He was on best behaviour before.
The drink has bought out another side & its properly unattractive.

nimbuscloud · 06/06/2021 23:10

Did you get in the car with him??

MrMeeseekslookatme · 06/06/2021 23:12

@Fyredraca

I'm afraid I would probably have called the police on him.
I would have too. I still would. Generally drink driving tends to be a regular occurrence.

This is shit OP. Really shit. Block him and move on.

HelpMeh · 06/06/2021 23:12

Hoping you didn't get in the car with him!? I would've called the police on him.

This is one for the bin - he was already bin-ready when he made his awful joke about you shagging his mates Confused

RealisticSketch · 06/06/2021 23:14

Drink lowers your inhibitions so I think you get to see a true insight into someone's hidden self when they're drink. My usually reticent DH is more chatty and affectionate when drink. He's never asked me about banging his mates that's more than crass that's revolting purile and disrespectful. EnvyAngry

yukitree · 06/06/2021 23:14

I didn't get in the car with him and absolutely wouldn't have.

I had my own car so it wouldn't have been an issue taking us both home.

I don't mind meeting friends and chatting, but it was being put unexpectedly into a situation with 5 drunk men, who I hadn't met before. I wasn't told we'd be staying there for a hour - or not eating anymore / doing the original plan - I was just invited to the pub. I should've known better to be honest, but up until this point everything had been great so I assumed we'd stay for a drink and then go home. I felt really awkward and embarrassed, and I feel like the friends also thought it was awkward me being there.

I tried to persuade him not to drive - one of his friends also tried to persuade him and told him he was making an idiot of himself, but he wouldn't listen, swore at his friend and decided to drive home anyway.

OP posts:
PurpleMustang · 06/06/2021 23:14

It was all really bad but the drink driving is unforgivable. I would be reporting him to the police. I couldn't have the potential of him killing someone on my conscious and he thought it was ok to do, so would again.

ZenNudist · 06/06/2021 23:15

Yes it's shit but he's saved you a lot of time and potentially some heartache. Get out now.