Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

This is monumentally shit, right?

260 replies

yukitree · 06/06/2021 23:00

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months, things have been going really well and it's at the stage where things are starting to get a bit more serious. We had plans for this evening for us to get a take out at his. He went to the pub with his friends this afternoon, then I text him when I was leaving and he invited me to the pub too. This is probably a bit naive on my part, but I expected to stay for a drink and then do the original plan of going back to his. When I showed up he was drunk, and I sat there for an hour and a half feeling awkward with 4 blokes I hadn't met before. During which he was jokingly asking things like 'who would you bang out of my friends'. To be honest I felt really uncomfortable the whole time, and maybe I should've preempted it, but had I known I'd be sitting there for over an hour with men I didn't know (whilst really hungry as I hadn't had any dinner!) I wouldn't have bothered. I could've forgiven the sitting in the pub awkwardly for an hour and a half but then to make matters worse, he decides to drive home, he'd had at least 6 pints so he was well over the limit.

Up to this point I had really liked him, there were no red flags and things were going great. I feel really upset (maybe I'm being sensitive), but this is monumentally shit isn't it and I shouldn't see him again. Oh and to add - we are both in our late 30s with children.

OP posts:
PerveenMistry · 07/06/2021 01:43

Gross.

Bin.

Covercharge · 07/06/2021 01:45

It’s seems tricky for you as you obviously like him enough not to write him off. As most comments are about ditching him I’ll play devils advocate - he was drunk and so was a knob and could’ve asked about which of his mates you’d bang because he is insecure that you may find one of them attractive as he may have been in that situation before. It happens. The drink driving - a lot of people do it, it’s unforgivable when you consider the risks, but drink increases risk taking behaviour and once you’ve been fine once...it’s easier to do it again. On that note there’s only one thing that’s ever worked with me to change a mans behaviour, a that is to tell him that you find the lack of self control and poor judgement while not even having the excuse of being black out drunk, very unattractive. Say it dispassionately, like you’re mildly put off, and that if he did it again you wouldn’t find him attractive. Vanity and fear of rejection are great motivators

FortunesFave · 07/06/2021 01:58

Sounds like he wanted his mates to see his latest shag....and then to get a vicarious thrill out of thinking about you having sex with them.

That's it.

Dump the loser.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/06/2021 02:38

You'd have to be a fool to ever see him again. Consider yourself lucky you discovered who he really is early in the game.

Dontletitbeyou · 07/06/2021 02:40

Thought it was just going to be me who saw the drink driving thing and immediately thought Nah, that would be me done .
I have a massive issue with that . Selfish and irresponsible are never attractive traits

LunaAndHer3Stars · 07/06/2021 02:48

Drink driving is a deal breaker for me.

BlueButtercups · 07/06/2021 02:57

@LunaAndHer3Stars

Drink driving is a deal breaker for me.

me too tbh

Fabiofatshaft1 · 07/06/2021 03:03

I think you’ve had a little glimpse of why he’s divorced / separated

eatitgood · 07/06/2021 03:25

Ffs don't blame op for his shit choices.

I would have left the pub and not hung around for ten minutes when it became apparent he was 1) drunk and 2) a disrespectful cock.

Drink driving is a deal breaker as well.

BritInAus · 07/06/2021 03:36

Sounds like a real catch! I agree with the PP who said 'one day he could be drink driving with your kids.'

Honestly, driving home after 6 pints? He sounds like a selfish arse. Get rid and find someone more worthy of you.

groovergirl · 07/06/2021 03:37

He's a parent, yet thinks nothing of drink-driving.

At 0.05%, a driver is five times more likely to be involved in a road accident.

At 0.08%, 13 times more likely.

Sorry OP. I can see you like him, but if you let this continue he will become a millstone. And it's not your job to rescue him from his insecurities and bad habits.

Ilady · 07/06/2021 04:21

I feel he has been showing you his best side up to now. The conversation in front of his friends about which of them you have sex with was horrible.
Then getting into drive a car after drinking 6 pints despite you offering to give him a life home. One of his friends even tried to stop him doing this. This man is his 30s with children and thinks this acceptable.
What would happen if he caused an accident or killed some one? He could have been stopped and lost his license. After getting his license back his insurance would rocket.
I would just have a chat with him and tell you decided to end things because of his behaviour.

AMCoffeePMWine · 07/06/2021 04:27

This is exactly why it’s good to date someone for a bit, before getting too involved. You’ve done the right thing, and are now seeing this side of him. Dating usually gives you a chance to see all sides of a person. Consider this “date” as the one that gave you valuable information. You’re well shut of him.

The inappropriate questions were revolting. And the drink driving would be the final nail in the coffin. I’d have reported him to the police.

But I’m menopausal, hot, angry and have no time for men like this.

NumberTheory · 07/06/2021 05:08

All of this points to him having a group of friends who he is too concerned with impressing. The sort of thing you should grow out of in your mid-20s.

Getting drunk when you know you have another engagement later is a huge red flag, IMO. Again, sort of forgivable when you're youngish and haven't learnt yet, but not at 30+.

I wouldn't date a drink driver. I'd never be confident going anywhere in their car for fear I wouldn't be able to get back and thats just too much stress in a relationship.

Osrie · 07/06/2021 05:23

You know it is. Do not doubt yourself.

MrsBongiovi · 07/06/2021 05:24

I’d have called the police for the drink driving.

I wouldn’t even contact him to dump him. At least you found out now. His poor kids having such a loser as a father.

Crowsaregreat · 07/06/2021 05:35

On the bright side, at least he didn't waste a year or two of your time before revealing himself to be a gross twat with no self control.

postcardfromme · 07/06/2021 05:41

No. Just NO.

BananasAreEvil · 07/06/2021 05:50

I would have called the police when he got in the car and no way I would have got in the car with him.
You had a lucky escape OP, well, assuming you're not going to see him again...

Nomorepies · 07/06/2021 05:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

Classicbrunette · 07/06/2021 06:01

You know you have to dump him right ? One day he could be drunk driving your kids around !

Get rid ASAP.

BonesJones · 07/06/2021 06:05

Chuck him in the bin. He blew it big style, especially with the drunk driving. I didn't like the swearing at his friend's bit and those weird questions either!

wishawish91 · 07/06/2021 06:13

Driving after 6 pints?! Absolutely not, that would be a deal breaker for me let alone asking what one of his friends I'd shag.

rainbowstardrops · 07/06/2021 06:13

I'd have called the police for the drink driving - he could have killed someone!
You've dodged a bullet there.

Billybagpuss · 07/06/2021 06:25

Get rid. I hope you didn’t go back with him?

Swipe left for the next trending thread