This is monumentally shit, right?

[yukitree]

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months, things have been going really well and it's at the stage where things are starting to get a bit more serious. We had plans for this evening for us to get a take out at his. He went to the pub with his friends this afternoon, then I text him when I was leaving and he invited me to the pub too. This is probably a bit naive on my part, but I expected to stay for a drink and then do the original plan of going back to his. When I showed up he was drunk, and I sat there for an hour and a half feeling awkward with 4 blokes I hadn't met before. During which he was jokingly asking things like 'who would you bang out of my friends'. To be honest I felt really uncomfortable the whole time, and maybe I should've preempted it, but had I known I'd be sitting there for over an hour with men I didn't know (whilst really hungry as I hadn't had any dinner!) I wouldn't have bothered. I could've forgiven the sitting in the pub awkwardly for an hour and a half but then to make matters worse, he decides to drive home, he'd had at least 6 pints so he was well over the limit.

Up to this point I had really liked him, there were no red flags and things were going great. I feel really upset (maybe I'm being sensitive), but this is monumentally shit isn't it and I shouldn't see him again. Oh and to add - we are both in our late 30s with children.

@Onthedunes I'm deeply sorry for your loss, it doesn't diminish what you've been through, but posters on here have been shocked and disgusted by his behaviour,

@daisychain01

Of course I understand what you are saying, figures for deaths have substancially lowered, but that doesn't take into account all the seriously injured and maimed people who are affected by drink driving.

Until you have lived through that auguish of seeing his mother unable to even stand unaided at his funeral or his father's life changed beyond recognition by wishing he could turn back time and wish he had never been stood inocently at a bus stop and ploughed down, it changes your views about bystander apathy. (if thats the right term)

The young man who did it went to prison, for 1 death and 3 seriously injured.

Wrong place wrong time.

I understand op did not know this man and was put in a possition where it would have been uncomfortable or even dangerous to prevent him from driving but people must try. Bullshit your way through to them, tell them one of your family died in simular circumstances , tell them you work for the police, anything, do your utmost and use your wit to prevent them driving.

I myself prevented a couple who came to a large barbecue we had, they came in the car and I was shocked to see them preparing to drive off with 2 children in the back, they were both very drunk. No, I did not know them that well, but I refused to see them do that, kicked off, ruined the whole atmosphere of the night, ordered them a taxi and they were none too pleased.
I didn't and still don't care, I did the right thing.

I have zero tolerance for drink driving.

@Onthedunes I am completely with you, zero tolerance because it has to be the most selfish act and worst of all people who D-D ironically rate themselves as being capable of getting behind the wheel, because they lose all inhibition. Totally get where you're coming from, re not having ever experienced the loss of a loved one, I do totally empathise because the loss is bad enough but having to live with the fact it was avoidable is even more painful

I haven't had a drink for years because I have seen far too many lives wrecked through excessive drinking. Hopefully this thread at least highlights that people should take it upon themselves to report a drink driver and do everything to get the person identified and dealt with through official channels.

Can't believe the blame the OP is getting, how ridiculous. He's a man responsible for his own actions & all his friends were there too, to try to stop him. Clearly it wasn't possible to note down his number and God knows what else.

OP thank God he showed his true colours so clearly!-hes obviously a total idiot but could've his that from you for a long time! It's good you saw it in the early days. Definitely dump!

I can’t believe you spent so long in your op describing him being a drunk idiot with friends and dropped in at the end that he’d drunk driven that’s a (new) relationship ended right there!

@Polkadots2021

I do not blame the op, this accident I wrote about was over 25 years ago, this subject is clearly highly emotive for me and triggers both anger and sadness.
Many years have passed and I,ve seen his sibling grow up and have children, his father has passed away and his mother has never moved on, never been the same, still grieving. I have never lost a child and until you do I don't think anyone can understand the pain that is endured.

I wrote about this only in the hope that it may serve as a memory for anyone reading to remember how easily life can be snuffed out, lives forever changed for nothing.

It still happens today, most people reading will have had a time in their lives when they knew someone was over the limit, don't be that person in a group that doesn't say anything, please remember what could happen.

Society has changed its views, but because of this I think it makes it even harder to stand up to someone, because it is viewed upon so badly we think a person who takes absolutely no notice of the law is someone who should not be approached.

Do whatever you can, within your capabilities at the time.
Please.

@onthedunes The young man who did it went to prison, for 1 death and 3 seriously injured. Wrong place wrong time.

The drunk driver was the one in the wrong place at the wrong time, not your relative and the other three. I'm really sorry this happened to your family.

Hi all. We've removed some posts from this thread for breaking our guidelines on personal attacks (and trollhunting). Please do bear in mind our guideline on civil debate. Hopefully things will get back on track now - but please report if it continues and we'll take another look.

[quote Onthedunes]@daisychain01

Of course I understand what you are saying, figures for deaths have substancially lowered, but that doesn't take into account all the seriously injured and maimed people who are affected by drink driving.

Until you have lived through that auguish of seeing his mother unable to even stand unaided at his funeral or his father's life changed beyond recognition by wishing he could turn back time and wish he had never been stood inocently at a bus stop and ploughed down, it changes your views about bystander apathy. (if thats the right term)

The young man who did it went to prison, for 1 death and 3 seriously injured.

Wrong place wrong time.

I understand op did not know this man and was put in a possition where it would have been uncomfortable or even dangerous to prevent him from driving but people must try. Bullshit your way through to them, tell them one of your family died in simular circumstances , tell them you work for the police, anything, do your utmost and use your wit to prevent them driving.

I myself prevented a couple who came to a large barbecue we had, they came in the car and I was shocked to see them preparing to drive off with 2 children in the back, they were both very drunk. No, I did not know them that well, but I refused to see them do that, kicked off, ruined the whole atmosphere of the night, ordered them a taxi and they were none too pleased.
I didn't and still don't care, I did the right thing.

I have zero tolerance for drink driving.[/quote]
I completely agree

The really tragic thing is that many drink drivers do it until it’s too late and they either kills or injure someone or get caught. They get cocky or apathetic. They think they know the roads, know their limits. They tell themselves it will be absolutely fine.

Until it happens.
You can’t bring someone’s life back or repair the ones ruined that they leave behind.