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Relationships

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This is monumentally shit, right?

260 replies

yukitree · 06/06/2021 23:00

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months, things have been going really well and it's at the stage where things are starting to get a bit more serious. We had plans for this evening for us to get a take out at his. He went to the pub with his friends this afternoon, then I text him when I was leaving and he invited me to the pub too. This is probably a bit naive on my part, but I expected to stay for a drink and then do the original plan of going back to his. When I showed up he was drunk, and I sat there for an hour and a half feeling awkward with 4 blokes I hadn't met before. During which he was jokingly asking things like 'who would you bang out of my friends'. To be honest I felt really uncomfortable the whole time, and maybe I should've preempted it, but had I known I'd be sitting there for over an hour with men I didn't know (whilst really hungry as I hadn't had any dinner!) I wouldn't have bothered. I could've forgiven the sitting in the pub awkwardly for an hour and a half but then to make matters worse, he decides to drive home, he'd had at least 6 pints so he was well over the limit.

Up to this point I had really liked him, there were no red flags and things were going great. I feel really upset (maybe I'm being sensitive), but this is monumentally shit isn't it and I shouldn't see him again. Oh and to add - we are both in our late 30s with children.

OP posts:
Cleverpolly3 · 07/06/2021 15:51

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Cleverpolly3 · 07/06/2021 16:05

Sorry @yukitree
I am not convinced

In the time taken to try and persuade him not to drive , getting his friend involved, going off to get in your own car , trying to give him a lift etc I think I could have got his number plate. Then I would have called the police straightaway. That if nobody could actually get his keys off him……

It seems to me you were more caught up in how his behaviour made you feel. That’s why you started this thread the drunk driving was just a side issue in a way buried amongst the which of my mates would you bang etc

Given that you yourself were driving it’s not like you weren’t sober ……
I know you didn’t start the thread to discuss drink driving but I am just gob smacked that any responsible functioning adult would not have done more to prevent this.

Anyway thankfully nobody was hurt
I wouldn’t even dignify that individual with W reply

Addicted2LuvIsland · 07/06/2021 17:30

Have you spoken to him OP?? I would love to know what he has said.

pictish · 07/06/2021 18:05

@Cleverpolly3

Sorry *@yukitree* I am not convinced

In the time taken to try and persuade him not to drive , getting his friend involved, going off to get in your own car , trying to give him a lift etc I think I could have got his number plate. Then I would have called the police straightaway. That if nobody could actually get his keys off him……

It seems to me you were more caught up in how his behaviour made you feel. That’s why you started this thread the drunk driving was just a side issue in a way buried amongst the which of my mates would you bang etc

Given that you yourself were driving it’s not like you weren’t sober ……
I know you didn’t start the thread to discuss drink driving but I am just gob smacked that any responsible functioning adult would not have done more to prevent this.

Anyway thankfully nobody was hurt
I wouldn’t even dignify that individual with W reply

In case you didn’t feel quite enough personal responsibility and shame over this incident OP, have some more.

None of it was your fault.

skodadoda · 07/06/2021 18:12

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Cleverpolly3 · 07/06/2021 18:16

@pictish
And if he’d killed or maimed someone you loved or knew and there were people present that actually saw him drive off and did nothing?

Still it’s all about assuaging people isn’t it Hmm
In terms of have some more it seems to me that the OP is trying to justify why she and another person literally stood by and watched him drive off in a car after at least six pints

Still the fact he was keen to know if she fancied any of his mates is a massive issue to explore. Not.

Cleverpolly3 · 07/06/2021 18:20

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HerkyBaby · 07/06/2021 18:24

What is monumentally shit is that nobody stepped in to prevent him from driving home in a very drunken state . If in doubt grab the keys and put them down a drain, throw them in a river, hide them in a toilet cistern. There will be victims of drunk driving on Mumsnet and each everyone of them will be wishing that someone had done that to prevent the death of a loved one. I do hope you didn’t get in the car with him in that state because that is another matter altogether.....

pictish · 07/06/2021 18:45

I think that we can all recall a situation when we might have done something differently with hindsight.

One thing I am sure of, is that Mumsnet can be a difficult place to offload.

LizB62A · 07/06/2021 18:46

Surely you'd have dumped him even without the drunk driving?
He sounds like a real boor....

baileys6904 · 07/06/2021 19:01

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baileys6904 · 07/06/2021 19:01

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CassandraTrotter · 07/06/2021 19:15

This from a pp was my favourite response...

  • Hi. Thanks for the text. I won't be seeing you again so am calling it quits. You made an absolute twat out of yourself swore at your friends made vulgar shitty comments and put me in a really awkward position last night,not to mention you ditched our meal plans for getting pissed. The worst part is drink driving. To do that you have no morals whatsoever and I hope you’re bloody ashamed of yourself. Not the sort of role model/male I want to introduce to my children eventually so seeing as it's not going to go anywhere with us im bowing out now. Sort your shit out*
Cleverpolly3 · 07/06/2021 19:20

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SofiaMichelle · 07/06/2021 19:26

@HerkyBaby

What is monumentally shit is that nobody stepped in to prevent him from driving home in a very drunken state . If in doubt grab the keys and put them down a drain, throw them in a river, hide them in a toilet cistern. There will be victims of drunk driving on Mumsnet and each everyone of them will be wishing that someone had done that to prevent the death of a loved one. I do hope you didn’t get in the car with him in that state because that is another matter altogether.....
If you RTFT instead of judging anyone who didn't potentially get themselves assaulted by tackling a drunk, potentially violent man, you'd know that the OP didn't get in the car.
Cleverpolly3 · 07/06/2021 19:31

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pictish · 07/06/2021 19:34

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Cleverpolly3 · 07/06/2021 19:35

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Cleverpolly3 · 07/06/2021 19:44

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Unreasonabubble · 07/06/2021 19:48

At the end of the day, do you really want to be the girlfriend of someone like this?

From what you have written, it does not seem like he is treating you very nicely, especially in front of his friends. If you progress with this relationship, whereabouts on his pecking order will you end up?

Time to pull up those big girl pants and give him the heave-ho.

skodadoda · 07/06/2021 21:30

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skodadoda · 07/06/2021 21:31

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Onthedunes · 08/06/2021 02:19

He's a fucking idiot, my nephew died a day after his eighteeth birthday by a drink driver.

Would you have reported him if he was waving a loaded gun arround?

His car was a weapon.

Onthedunes · 08/06/2021 02:34

Oh sorry he was hit the day after his eighteeth birthday, he actually died three days later when they turned the life support off.

Peoples attitudes still have not changed enough.

daisychain01 · 08/06/2021 05:10

Peoples attitudes still have not changed enough.

This is a gross generalisation!

If you ask the general public what is the most stigmatised act in society, I bet you almost 100% will say "drink driving". People's attitudes have changed, when you consider that in our lifetimes it used to be seen as a trivial matter to grab your car keys on the way down the pub. Not any more.

Perhaps the fault on this thread is the lack of knowledge about actions people can and should take if they are aware of someone drink driving, most probably because D-D has fortunately become a diminishing occurrence. There should be zero deaths from D-D but in 1979 recorded deaths were 1,640 and in 2015 deaths were 220, on a continually downward trend over those years, which does show the campaign in U.K. has worked.

The most important tool is peer pressure and stigmatisation in social groups and given that most D-D offences are men, they stand to become an outcast by their friends and called "a loser". Hopefully this idiot will be rejected by those 6 mates down the pub the other night and the OP will tell him never to darken her door again, because she never wants to be associated with a drink driver. That shoukd be the powerful message that he'll never forget for the rest of his life.

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