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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

This is monumentally shit, right?

260 replies

yukitree · 06/06/2021 23:00

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months, things have been going really well and it's at the stage where things are starting to get a bit more serious. We had plans for this evening for us to get a take out at his. He went to the pub with his friends this afternoon, then I text him when I was leaving and he invited me to the pub too. This is probably a bit naive on my part, but I expected to stay for a drink and then do the original plan of going back to his. When I showed up he was drunk, and I sat there for an hour and a half feeling awkward with 4 blokes I hadn't met before. During which he was jokingly asking things like 'who would you bang out of my friends'. To be honest I felt really uncomfortable the whole time, and maybe I should've preempted it, but had I known I'd be sitting there for over an hour with men I didn't know (whilst really hungry as I hadn't had any dinner!) I wouldn't have bothered. I could've forgiven the sitting in the pub awkwardly for an hour and a half but then to make matters worse, he decides to drive home, he'd had at least 6 pints so he was well over the limit.

Up to this point I had really liked him, there were no red flags and things were going great. I feel really upset (maybe I'm being sensitive), but this is monumentally shit isn't it and I shouldn't see him again. Oh and to add - we are both in our late 30s with children.

OP posts:
Zzelda · 06/06/2021 23:58

@MadameQuaver

All those that are saying to call the police, do you honestly think the police would do anything? They probably wouldn't do anything even if the drunk driving was reported at the very time he did it let alone hours after the event, sadly.
They obviously wouldn't do anything now, but there's a very good chance they would have done something if called at the time. People seem to imagine that the police can never enforce traffic law because they're too busy sorting out burglaries etc, but that is precisely what we have traffic police for.
MarshmallowAra · 07/06/2021 00:00

Wow, he managed to hit three strikes and you're out within one "date" .... Not that it was a date, it was "I prioritised drinking with the lads over honouring our plans so I thought I'd just tell you to join us (and be lewd, vulgar and inappropriate while I was at it)).

Disrespectful.

Inconsiderate.

Drink.driver (a thirty something with kids).

Can't control his alcohol intake.

Flakes on plans.

There's some weird, sleazy, inappropriate thing hoin on there with him and his mates too

AlmostSummer21 · 07/06/2021 00:00

Are you ok?

What a horrible evening & a horrible way to end a relationship you thought was going somewhere.

Onward & upward, go check out some other fish!!

MarshmallowAra · 07/06/2021 00:00

*going

mrscoxaools · 07/06/2021 00:04

Agree with pp that he really fucked it up all in one evening.

I would be really sad for you if you thought this was the best guy you could get

Honeyroar · 07/06/2021 00:06

I’m really sorry. That must’ve been a really upsetting night.

EverythingRuined · 07/06/2021 00:15

At least it’s obvious what you need to do.

PickAChew · 07/06/2021 00:17

Such a catch.

WhenPushComesToShove · 07/06/2021 00:21

Apart from anything else, the drink/driving would be a complete deal breaker for me

Forstarters · 07/06/2021 00:23

You shouldn’t have got in the car. Of course someone who drinks 6 pints and drives is a cunt. Respect yourself

Forstarters · 07/06/2021 00:24

Sorry saw you didn’t get in the car. Ignore him and move on, as above…..

HelpMeh · 07/06/2021 00:24

@Forstarters

You shouldn’t have got in the car. Of course someone who drinks 6 pints and drives is a cunt. Respect yourself
She didn't get in the car Confused
IdblowJonSnow · 07/06/2021 00:27

I would report him to the police anyway. Terrifying to know there are people out there who drink and drive.
What an arsehole.
It's shit op but better you know what he's like now than months down the line.

Cleverpolly3 · 07/06/2021 00:33

This reply has been deleted

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HaveringWavering · 07/06/2021 00:35

What an arsehole. You owe it to yourself to walk away from this one. Good luck x

HaveringWavering · 07/06/2021 00:35

@Cleverpolly3 why the attack on OP?

Cushionsnotpillows · 07/06/2021 00:35

@Cleverpolly3 how rude are you?! OP was in her OWN car, so how is she an idiot exactly? HmmConfused

Cushionsnotpillows · 07/06/2021 00:37

And yes OP drink driving is an absolute no no and he needs binned.

Cleverpolly3 · 07/06/2021 00:44

[quote Cushionsnotpillows]@Cleverpolly3 how rude are you?! OP was in her OWN car, so how is she an idiot exactly? HmmConfused[/quote]
For not reporting him or removing his keys
He could have killed someone

Does it need spelling out
Have a Hmm back

OldWomanSaysThis · 07/06/2021 00:46

Yes, this is monumentality shit.

Onward and upward....next!

Cleverpolly3 · 07/06/2021 00:47

[quote HaveringWavering]@Cleverpolly3 why the attack on OP?[/quote]
So you let someone drink six pints and drive off in their car?

No I didn’t think so
She should have called the police if unable to withhold his keys

Why I am having to explain how stupid it is is beyond me but if you need me to I will.

ozymandiusking · 07/06/2021 01:06

My husband has just said "dtb" Dump the bastard.! He means ltb of course.

Sandra15 · 07/06/2021 01:22

@gelatodipistacchio

Sorry, both the sexual comments and the drink driving would have put me well off. At least you know now?
I'd have got up and walked at that point and never seen him again.
PurpleMustang · 07/06/2021 01:32

@MadameQuaver

All those that are saying to call the police, do you honestly think the police would do anything? They probably wouldn't do anything even if the drunk driving was reported at the very time he did it let alone hours after the event, sadly.
If they can't attend then they put a marker on the reg and will ping on their system when they do come across it again. See it on police shows all the time. They mention that a registration has shown on their system as someone has reported them. And then obviously depending on thing like time or day and how they are driving they will stop them. Even seen where they have staked a route out for a known suspended drunk driver, someone in pub has called saying the person is there and they wait for them to drive on to the main road and stop them
BlueButtercups · 07/06/2021 01:39

Im sorry @yukitree

that was a horrible situation you found yourself in ..

the drink driving .. No coming back from that..

asking which of his mates you'd fancy.. No coming back from that either..

I agree with everyone, this is the end of the road for you and him. 🌸