Husband cheated with neighbour

[Zmnjg]

I caught my husband kissing my neighbour!

My husband's been getting close to our neighbour lately. We both have kids and go to each others houses alot.
We've been together 16 Years.
I started noticing he was getting more distance and habits changing. Walking to school more, laughing and joking on with her. Never putting down his phone. She use to come round and have drinks alot at ours but without her husband.
I had a feeling something was going on but felt paronid as I trusted him.
One night we were having drinks and they both were in the bathroom, I followed them and caught them kissing. They said it was a drunken mistake and nothings going on but I feel absolutely devastated that they both could betray me.
Our kids are still friends and it's just so awkward seeing her now..
I'm trying to get over it but I don't know if anything else went on
How do I get over it.

Glad to hear that you're starting to get through this @Zmnjg and get irl support.

Stay strong!

That’s awful! Sorry op

Zmnjg this is fantastic! You sound so much more focused and that’s brilliant. I’m so glad you reached out and your friend is there for you!

I will just caution that couples counselling often focuses on the marriage, as the cause of the problem. I can tell you from hard experience that this is often not the case. Be careful not to allow that narrative to overshadow the work your husband needs to do to become safer for you (if that’s the road you choose to go down).

Also, please don’t be surprised if he goes through a range of strange behaviours now you’ve put your foot down. Very few cheaters are instantly remorseful, they try and get away with all sorts of stuff first. But they can reach it. And they can become safer partners if they truly want to do the work!

Keep us updated on that dreadful woman’s husband to be. Give him the facts without any drama then you have passed it over to him and given him his personal agency back.

Good luck!

Well done OP. Whatever outcome you want ( and that's totally up to you , there are no right or wrongs ) you are creating strong boundaries on your terms, based on honesty and openness. Relationships can survive things like this but to thrive you need honesty , openness and change from him.

Wishing you good luck.

@Zmnjg
Good luck with the counselling. Your H may resist your suggestion at first but I hope you stand strong.
I’d also say - don’t think of it as a way of ‘getting answers’ or ‘getting to the bottom of it’. Counselling is not meant to be an enhanced interrogation.
It seems very important to you now but those ‘answers’ on their own won’t help you get through this.
And of course counselling will be focused on the relationship - on how you and he feel as part of your marriage. It isn’t meant to blame the relationship for his actions - but it is part of the story and needs to be talked about.
Counselling is not a place where he gets his punishment - it needs to be a place where the two of you can examine your relationship and open up about what works and what’s missing. It needs to be a place where he feels safe to tell you things that you might not want to hear or that might hurt you.
But this is the only way to get through this if you want to be able to trust him again.
Good luck.

I would have to add that counselling generally works better if you are both having individual counselling too. I ended up finding out individually counselling did me more good,

Hope your okay @Zmnjg

Blimey, the bloody cheek of the pair of them!
The kiss is bad enough but the attitude of your husband is disgraceful. How dare he refuse to not talk about it and to expect you to just move on! What a prick!
I hope having some time apart from him has helped you to see things more clearly.

They’re both disgusting. The first time they did something just happened to be the one time you caught them? Yeah right. they did in your house. urgh