You caught them kissing in your and your children’s home? What a terrible shock! Now in the aftermath of his cheating, he is showing no remorse or empathy, and is taking no real responsibility. In fact, he is blaming the alcohol for his infidelity and you for not being over it in a week. News Flash: He doesn’t get to control your recovery timeline. It can actually take years.
OP, he’s been having a sexual and emotional affair with this OW. He’s been investing his emotional energy, time and attention in her while creating distance between you two. They’ve been sexting, which he deleted. I guarantee that they have also found a way to have other RL sexual encounters.
Your H is a bad bet for reconciliation because of his contemptuous attitude and his unwillingness to make the effort to help you heal. He inflicted this pain and devastation and needs to accept your distress whenever it comes. He needs to be honest about all of his infidelity and transparent with his devices. He needs to examine his sense of entitlement to lie and cheat, and he must cut all contact with OW.
Remember that none of this is your fault. He chose to be unfaithful.
You need to have an STD test and so does the OW’s Partner, so please inform him about their cheating. He has the same right as you to know what is happening in his life. Like you, he should be able to make informed choices.
Please tell trusted family and friends, and keep posting here for support. 