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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

996 replies

Shayelle2009 · 13/05/2021 06:36

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Eesha · 13/05/2021 06:42

Thanks for the new thread!

Original poster
Shayelle2009 · 13/05/2021 06:44

Morning @Eesha 👋

OP posts:
Eesha · 13/05/2021 06:47

@LongtimelurkerL great news about your iron, so you are meeting the kids this weekend? Hope it all goes well!

Mayzee · 13/05/2021 06:59

Morning thanks for the new thread Shayelle Smile

Original poster
Shayelle2009 · 13/05/2021 07:03

Nice to see a success story @LongtimeLurkerL!

Hey @Mayzee hope you feel a bit brighter today x

OP posts:
LongtimelurkerL · 13/05/2021 07:21

Morning all and thanks for the thread. Yes @Eesha

BelladiMamma · 13/05/2021 07:34

@LongtimelurkerL

Morning all and thanks for the thread. Yes *@Eesha*
Would be really interested to know more - how many DC, ages, situation & childcare arrangements? Have been reading some old threads & articles about when & how to meet the children but it's great to get views & news if that's ok with you?!

My news is that things are still going really well with MrBear. We are seeing each other twice a week, sometimes with sleepovers and some times just after work etc to say hi.

As I'd feared, his job is likely to take him abroad again next year, plus he'll be away for a long time over the summer to spend time with family. Tbf I am exactly the same re family although these days I don't travel so much for work. His 3 kids will still be here so he'll be back every weekend.

Feeling a bit deflated but at least he's been upfront with me and says he is committed to trying to make things work with me

Onesmallstep67 · 13/05/2021 07:37

Checking in. Thanks for the new thread Shayelle 😎

BelladiMamma · 13/05/2021 07:42

@Shayelle2009 apologies! Thanks for the new thread 🧵

And the rest of the thread is moving so fast but @@VanGoghsDog best of luck to you for the appointment and the outcome.

And ❤️ to everyone else with ongoing irons & situations.

Original poster
Shayelle2009 · 13/05/2021 07:43

👋☕️ @Onesmallstep67 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Shayelle2009 · 13/05/2021 07:45

It does sounds like it’s going really well for you @BelladiMamma? 💗 Try and think positive about it all and just enjoy it, there’s only so much worrying you can do, I would just try and trust him

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 13/05/2021 07:47

Morning all...checking in, thanks for the new thread Shayelle

SortingItOut · 13/05/2021 07:53

Checking in✅
Thanks for the thread @Shayelle2009

VanGoghsDog · 13/05/2021 08:42

Thank you for the thread, checking in!

LongtimelurkerL · 13/05/2021 08:42

@BelladiMamma I have a DS (6) with me 99.9% of the time - do you have children or just MrBear?

LongtimelurkerL · 13/05/2021 08:43

How long with MrBear @BelladiMamma?

Heartbeats0708 · 13/05/2021 08:44

Thanks for the new thread @Shayelle2009 and lovely to read happy updates from @LongtimelurkerL and @BelladiMamma ❤️
I'm hopefully seeing Mr Polo this weekend, after which I'll make a decision about whether or not I'm happy with where things are.
I need to have a proper conversation about calling things off with Mr O. Having read the thread about the husband "cheating" in an open relationship it's confirmed things in my mind sadly.

GaraMedouar · 13/05/2021 09:28

Hello all - just checking in. Really good to hear positive news (BelladiMamma and LongtimelurkerL)

I have two current irons MrClose and MrSmoker - I’ll call them. MrClose is the nearest to me and being rural that’s around 20min drive. I’ve chatted to him and he was very talkative. He’s an anti masker and anti-Vaxxer - but I’m not sure how anti stuff he is . I’ve had my first jab but I was in two minds as to whether to due to allergies , so I researched and came down on the side of having it. But personally I don’t mind if people have it or not. I’m not sure if we’ll have much in common. He’s my age and told me how he generally goes for women 5 or 10 years younger , but I just think ‘meh whatever’. Probably will meet at some point once the pubs open. He has a young child too so that’s good he has childcare responsibilities and understands all that.

MrSmoker - I matched with him, he’s around 50 min drive. He seems to find my pics attractive , we’ve only messaged . But he did confess last night he smoked in the evenings (fags not anything else). But his profile didn’t say he didn’t anyway. I wouldn’t normally swipe on a smoker, but I thought well if it’s just a couple on an evening , could be worse things. I would still meet up with him.

It’s funny I don’t particularly like either of their photos but I don’t hate them ! I sort of feel that I’ve been out of the dating game for so long that I don’t even know how to fancy anyone again. I really don’t know if I’ve just reached an age for me where ‘why bother’. I think I’d like a partner but I want to bypass this dating stage, having to get to know someone etc - and just get to the being comfy with someone and wearing slippers and having a takeaway curry to be the highlight of our weekend. Grin

Bbub · 13/05/2021 09:37

Thanks for the new thread!

Can anyone explain rule 10 - what does dating the thread look like?

LongtimelurkerL · 13/05/2021 10:02

@Bbub as in don't date anyone from this mumsnet thread

BelladiMamma · 13/05/2021 10:11

@LongtimelurkerL

How long with MrBear *@BelladiMamma*?
We have 5 between us ranging ages from 10 to 19. It's waaay too early for a meet but both of us have had age appropriate chats with them about the fact that we are dating. MrBear has said he's found someone special, I'm waiting for the A levels to be over before I spill that it's not random dating, it's someone special. What I want to do with my teens is just say, this is the someone special, he's not going to become your stepdad or move in, just want you to clap eyes on him and say hi and then you don't need to build up anything in your minds about him. My ex h is very difficult so they're nervous of the impact on him plus my first dating experience after separation was with a nightmare person who then stalked me after a 6 week situationship, so they're scarred by that too. Ex h is a difficult nasty bastard but moved his girlie in very quickly. She's apparently quite neutral and passive, there don't seem to be at issues - as the kids say 'not at the moment because he's on best behaviour'. Anyway, that's the baggage not the current situation for me, but we all know that he's likely to react quite badly when he knows I'm seeing someone and we're all quite drained by his recent blow ups
BelladiMamma · 13/05/2021 10:12

@Shayelle2009

It does sounds like it’s going really well for you *@BelladiMamma*? 💗 Try and think positive about it all and just enjoy it, there’s only so much worrying you can do, I would just try and trust him
Thank you 😊
BelladiMamma · 13/05/2021 10:13

@GaraMedouar

Hello all - just checking in. Really good to hear positive news (BelladiMamma and LongtimelurkerL)

I have two current irons MrClose and MrSmoker - I’ll call them. MrClose is the nearest to me and being rural that’s around 20min drive. I’ve chatted to him and he was very talkative. He’s an anti masker and anti-Vaxxer - but I’m not sure how anti stuff he is . I’ve had my first jab but I was in two minds as to whether to due to allergies , so I researched and came down on the side of having it. But personally I don’t mind if people have it or not. I’m not sure if we’ll have much in common. He’s my age and told me how he generally goes for women 5 or 10 years younger , but I just think ‘meh whatever’. Probably will meet at some point once the pubs open. He has a young child too so that’s good he has childcare responsibilities and understands all that.

MrSmoker - I matched with him, he’s around 50 min drive. He seems to find my pics attractive , we’ve only messaged . But he did confess last night he smoked in the evenings (fags not anything else). But his profile didn’t say he didn’t anyway. I wouldn’t normally swipe on a smoker, but I thought well if it’s just a couple on an evening , could be worse things. I would still meet up with him.

It’s funny I don’t particularly like either of their photos but I don’t hate them ! I sort of feel that I’ve been out of the dating game for so long that I don’t even know how to fancy anyone again. I really don’t know if I’ve just reached an age for me where ‘why bother’. I think I’d like a partner but I want to bypass this dating stage, having to get to know someone etc - and just get to the being comfy with someone and wearing slippers and having a takeaway curry to be the highlight of our weekend. Grin

Do you ever travel for work or live near a big city? I've found that widening my radius to include my workplace and the two nearest big cities gave me some great new matches
PyjamasOClock · 13/05/2021 10:18

Thanks for the new thread... after a friendly date a few weeks back am mid-Sea-of-Twits here! Lovely to hear of the happy news of others though Smile

GaraMedouar · 13/05/2021 10:29

@BelladiMamma - nope - I have been wfh since lockdown (so Mar 2020) and I will probably now wfh full time forever - which I love Smile but not ideal for meeting people as I am right on the SE coast, corner of the UK.

I have no big cities near me at all! Brighton is too far for me - around 2 hours drive and likewise going up to London. I probably go up to London once every 2 years !!! I can get the train up but have to change , not easy.