Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@BelladiMamma - that sounds like the right way to approach it with teens. There's no reason to tell your ex is there? I told mine and just said DS was meeting my boyfriend this weekend and that's it. I think 6 months is about right if i'm honest - i've had a few 3/4 month things that seemed to be going really well and then ended abruptly (didn't introduce them). I've only been able to see Mr LW in my childfree time so this should mean we can see each other a bit more (not staying over etc straight away but evenings etc)

I haven’t mentioned to my teens that I am dating or seeing someone, mainly because I never expect it to last! But I wouldn’t lie if they asked. I really have no plans to have a boyfriend involved with my kids for a very long time as I think my middle child (13) would struggle hugely, not to mention my ex causing drama.
But I think if I was more or less parenting a younger child alone and found someone I wanted to get really serious with I would definitely introduce them.
I’m doing a ‘parenting when separated’ course at the moment and we are going to cover this soon. I’ll share any amazing nuggets of information I learn it’s common sense really though.

[quote GaraMedouar]@BelladiMamma - nope - I have been wfh since lockdown (so Mar 2020) and I will probably now wfh full time forever - which I love but not ideal for meeting people as I am right on the SE coast, corner of the UK.

I have no big cities near me at all! Brighton is too far for me - around 2 hours drive and likewise going up to London. I probably go up to London once every 2 years !!! I can get the train up but have to change , not easy.[/quote]
Dang! I'm near Brighton and London so that upped the quality massively!!

[quote LongtimelurkerL]@BelladiMamma - that sounds like the right way to approach it with teens. There's no reason to tell your ex is there? I told mine and just said DS was meeting my boyfriend this weekend and that's it. I think 6 months is about right if i'm honest - i've had a few 3/4 month things that seemed to be going really well and then ended abruptly (didn't introduce them). I've only been able to see Mr LW in my childfree time so this should mean we can see each other a bit more (not staying over etc straight away but evenings etc)[/quote]
That's exactly the timing I was thinking. The kids have got it in their heads that they will need to tell him - and I will before they meet. Sadly with my ex any new news tends to spark some strange new reaction but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I've had a 3 month thing that I thought was going well he pretty much ghosted me. Then I've had ones I've been intrigued by so stuck it out but then finished things after 2/3 months. Plus of course there was the stalker nightmare.

Thanks for the reminder though. 6 months it is, so that's summer holidays which is actually not bad timing for a stress free no one has to be on their best behaviour day out in Brighton or something

@Mayzee

I haven’t mentioned to my teens that I am dating or seeing someone, mainly because I never expect it to last! But I wouldn’t lie if they asked. I really have no plans to have a boyfriend involved with my kids for a very long time as I think my middle child (13) would struggle hugely, not to mention my ex causing drama. But I think if I was more or less parenting a younger child alone and found someone I wanted to get really serious with I would definitely introduce them. I’m doing a ‘parenting when separated’ course at the moment and we are going to cover this soon. I’ll share any amazing nuggets of information I learn it’s common sense really though.

Oooh any nuggets massively useful!

I also don't want to enmesh etc but I don't want them to end up meeting them accidentally / bumping into them / me disappearing and not saying who I'm seeing.

I'm also conscious of getting things right as between them my parents have been married and divorced 6 times and frankly I was just so jaded by the time I was 21 ... I would like to be a bit more thoughtful of my two

Checking in...

You'll be pleased to hear...

I'm whittling down the dozen +

4 I sent a thanks but no thanks to and all 4 responded politely so that was a positive.

3 the FB chats are fading away so I've just let them

1is entering FB territory but I'm not chasing him at all

1 was super smitten but is now out of town and has drastically reduced the number of phone calls ... I'm not chasing.

1 I went for a walk with last night and I think it was a mutual no.

4 are good regular nice WhatsApp chats - I have 1 confirmed a date tomorrow afternoon! Another tbc for Saturday. 1 confirmed for 25th (he is working away just now) and 1 looking to try schedule.

I'm not starting any more chats until I have met and assessed the top 4. I will name if goes to second date.

You will not be pleased to hear....

None of this is helping me get over Mr HT ... last nights walk was in the same place we had our first meeting/walk.
I cried on the way to work this morning... realising I'm essentially n/c to get over it but I'm desperately missing his friendship. However I keep telling myself that if he wanted to spend time with me he would contact.
I have decided to send him a birthday card next week in the post But that will be the last positive effort I make. I won't delete or block but I have proven I can just not message. My birthday is in a few weeks... I know I'll not get a card so I'm preparing myself for that disappointment now.

Thanks for new thread @Shayelle2009

Enjoying things being open again for sure!

Lovely walk yesterday and cinema (solo) booked for next week and found somewhere cheap and country to go away to next week

so if MrPM comes through I’ll ask if he fancies coming or if not I’ll go anyway as it looks gorgeous and they have “single people options”.

Can probably find enough to fill up my summer tbh with no dates so let’s see how things pan out

@LongtimelurkerL thank you!

@cravingthelook

With MrHT have you actually let him know that you find on-off contact difficult due to your strong feelings?

Maybe let him know that you have strong feelings for him, and your emotional health struggles with occasional contact

so he should contact you if he wants to seriously date but not otherwise. So you can move forward having said your piece.

It just seems otherwise it’s a little bit mixed messages

and if you’re saying you’re cool with light contact and FWB and flirting, but then secretly feeling differently that’s not really helping things?

I’m sure I’ve stymied recent dates by bluntly saying “my mental health is struggling with X” or “I can’t cope with Y” rather than being all “breezy and cool girl and flirty.”

But I do think overall this puts me in a better position

Thanks for the new thread! I am going to try and do my best to follow this one.

I have two first dates this weekends - one with MrColleague and one with MrDrive.

I'm no longer child free due to train issues, ex is coming here to see DD instead. This is breaking me out in a cold sweat as his timekeeping is atrocious so the chances of him somehow scuppering my plans are quite high.

I'm trying to remain philosophical, perhaps if it goes wrong and I have to cancel my date last minute and MrColleague doesn't understand then its just not meant to be.

Had a crappy interview today and I dont think I will get it and I dont know if I'd take it if it was offered. I need to think long and hard and not make any rash decisions.
He was 15-30 mins late so his mum started the interview and it was basically over by the time he got there. His mum is lovely
He wanted to know what sort of profit i had made as a freelancer. None of your effing business. He received and text and got distracted about selling a lot of concrete.
I called the interviewer an obnoxious prick to the recruiter.

On the dating front I sent a it's been nice talking but not a good match to a potential this morning. When we first started talking he didn't tell me he is in the army. I have been down that road 6 times from the Caribbean and in the army. It always ends the same so it's a no.
Have a potential walk date on Saturday but the time hasn't been confirmed.

I can't decide if it's the irons I feel flat about or if that I'm so flat and down about work it is seeping into dating life

Thanks for the new thread shayelle. I'm a bit behind but have just caught up with last few pages of last thread and this one.

Things going well with Mr Hair- a month today ☺

Checking in 👋

Thank you for the new thread, just checking in, need to catch up ASAP!

@Dancerinthemoonlight you got interviewed by the prospective employer's mum? How random! What line of work is this?

@Dancerinthemoonlight

I agree sounds dodgy - I think working somewhere really “weird” and not in the mainstream for HR, a random family business etc can be a nightmare for mental health etc!

Back to check the thread the stop me swiping out of boredom! I have 2 and a half (!) irons I quite like but the one I was chatting to a lot has been quiet today so I'm just bored which I know is pathetic. Plus I'm missing my ex so much as well but don't want the feelings about him to scupper anything with new guys (Ex is living abroad and said he would come back for me but the contact has been so crap since he said that so I gave up on him. Kind of want to ditch the OLD and rush into his arms though 😖, if only I could get a reply out of him)

@Dancerinthemoonlight that ‘interview’ sounded insulting! Hope you have some good luck soon in your job hunt.
I do think if you don't feel completely bright in yourself, in any area of your life, OLD can become even more of a drain to the psyche.

Hey @SpringlikeBunk how’s it going with MrPM? hope its flowing nicely. Have you got a plan with him?

Congrats on your month with Mr Hair @Slothmomma 🥳🥳

@SpringlikeBunk thanks ... but to be honest I don't think it's worth talking to him about it.

I think he kind of either gets it or is just disappearing anyway.

It's not a conversation I could have over text and I genuinely can't see a situation where I'd see him in person any time soon.
I think it's done. I'm not going to contact him, he's shown he's not contacting me. If he does I'll be polite but cooler. I just need time to get over it then I will be his friend because I do care for him. I worry about his DD (she's recently been diagnosed with the same neurological disorder as my DD) and how he processes things.

If nothing else we can be supportive of that for each other. I just can't do it today or tomorrow.

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Based on my experience of crazy David Brent style bosses in small shit family firms (he clearly doesn’t make much profit which is why Mum works for free), I also reckon it was all a bit of a “set up” turning up late and texting in front of you - making himself look like he’s a big time business guy to a pretty young woman?

He probably has very little genuine work or income or clients. It’s depressingly common.

@Shayelle2009

His vaccination is tomorrow and he said after that so going to wait and see

I think when I was younger I was more into love Bomby guys who didn’t have well regulated lives and would be on the phone all the time as they were desperate/not really connected to or happy in their work .

But now as long as they’re reliable for meets and dates I’m not too fussed. I’ve got deadlines too so enough to keep me going

Ahh thats good @SpringlikeBunk he sounds nice and consistent so far 👍 not a dick! Yay!
I agree you don't need that chaos as you get older, life’s stressful enough without any more hard work!

Hey Everyone,

I posted at the end of the last thread, so copied and pasted here! (Apparently I also have two usernames, one on my phone and one on my iPad 🤦‍♀️)

It’s been a good two years since I was last here, I remember @Marlboroandmalbec34 from back then. If anyone remembers I met Miss B&B, fell madly in love and we split up about a year ago now so I stayed off apps as I wasn’t fully committed to it.

Since then I met another lovely girl, but she’s the lesbian version of a guy - we were friends, she said the right thing, we slept together for a couple of months then out of the blue starts telling me about the new girls she’s talking to on Tinder now she wants to date again. For the first time in my life I realised I’d been made a fool of and told her my feelings meant we couldn’t be friends and we couldn’t talk anymore. That was four weeks ago, and bar one brief chat when I accidentally called her last week we haven’t spoke. Not speaking really has helped as it’s got me over it way quicker and I feel proud of myself for taking back control of the situation.

So, onto now. I went on Tinder, matched with quite a few people but I had that instant spark and connection with the last girl and just wanted to replicate that. Anyway met a girl Miss Vintage, and we’ve been texting for about a week non stop now, we are going on a date next Thursday (as I refused to meet anyone until I’ve been to the hairdresser!) and I’m really excited. I’m not on any apps anymore, as if this didn’t work out I’m quite happy to be single for now, but she seems lovely and we have a lot of football banter. I worry as she’s admitted she suffers from anxiety, and I don’t want our date to make her feel that way and I always worry how I’ll deal with it day to day if it did go well, but that’s the overthinker in me.

It’s lovely to see people settling down, I’m so happy for everyone who’s found love as those apps are awful!! My Manager went on for a few days and came off as the men all have either pictures of them at a wedding or uncensored pictures with their children, and she said also send a lot of innuendo based texts. So she wants to now meet someone the traditional way.

Lol @Shayelle2009 he could disappear yet!

But also I don’t tend to overinvest too early (I mean apart from analysing their every move on here like 🙇🏾‍♂️ haha but I just enjoy the discussion?!!)

We’ve met once and I had a nice drinks and food date which I had to walk 4 minutes from my hostel for.

And one kiss.

So although I was intrigued and would like to know him more if it doesn’t come though there’s plenty of other options - I’m not aiming for marriage or kids or moving in so no deadlines for me! Free dinner on holiday is fine for closure

Well he could @SpringlikeBunk but that is always a factor isn't it, no matter how long you’ve known someone or how well you think it’s going I guess. It’s so hard to tell what the other person’s thinking. Glad it’s so far so good though