Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Arghhhh just had phone call with my prospective date who i was meeting next week, looks like he's openly non monogamous. We both agreed it wouldn't work so have decided not to see each other. When did non monogamy become a thing? I see loads of profiles with it now.

@Eesha I don't know why it's such a thing these days, I'm sure it wasn't 10 years ago. Are people just trying their luck?

Can't get a reply out of my 2 irons that I like but had to block this one on WhatsApp, then he called me so I blocked him completely 😑

@Bbub its upset me a bit because its reminded me that im so far off where i want to be in relationships! Honestly, kpop obsessions, non monogamous, weed, alcoholism, even a Tory MP. That's not even taking into account the ones that are flaky or don't respond much. Honestly i think this dating mallarkey is not for me.

@Eesha 😅😂😂 sorry but a Tory MP I lolled... It's really not a good selection out there is it! I had a guy lie about his job he said he was a doctor but from internet stalking I found out he is one of those people who takes your blood. I couldn't confront him and admit the stalking though!

All the rubbish helps you to know what you DONT want i suppose at least?!

come join us on the "slightly glum" bench @Eesha

I'm just going to sit it out the weekend tbh and lean into work a bit? I don't want to rush into anything.

I expect MrPM just finished his work period, so I won't try to over-function or over-organise, just get on with my own stuff rather than "problem-solve".

I was tempted to contact him earlier and go "OH NO WHAT SHALL WE DO" but I'll just chill out a bit for now?

Zazen = Art of doing nothing

Thanks @HairyArsedMan I may take you up on that if we're not let out by next week!

Just randomly, I LOVE going to the cinema/theatre/opera solo.

There's something very luxurious about picking exactly what you want to see, dressing comfortably but "nice enough for going out", bringing one's own snacks.

I haven't done this for a few years but if I have spare cash and am in a city with an arthouse cinema the memberships are well worth it.

@Bbub yes he was the Tory candidate for some borough! Im not even on the apps much but when i do go on, these things frustrate me massively.

Mr Alarm wants to meet sooner and has suggested a park mid way between us after work next week. He is a total stranger and I dont know the area he wants to meet in. Feeling uneasy about this, He hasnt said or done anything inappropriate, but I would rather be on home ground. I think I will suggest a meet somewhere I know and if he wont travel he can forget it. I saw Mr Big was online last night so he is still looking for someone, and I guess it makes me sad that someone wasn't me.

@Tinseltangle that’s a horrible feeling when there’s someone you like and you see them back online searching.. makes you feel like you weren’t good enough, it stings.
I do wonder if any of these blokes have any luck because everytime I download the apps and pop back on and have a look, I see all the same faces on there from a year+ ago.

@Eesha Sorry the prospective iron didn't work but its good he mentioned what he wants so early on.
Its infinitely better than having a boyfriend who constantly cheats because he actually wants non monogamy but hasn't told you.

I think nowadays people can be more open about what they want from life which is a good thing.

In my eyes non-monogamy is just having casual sex with lots of people whereas polyamory is about having one main person and a side lover or 2.

Sorry you havent been well and you're now on the slightly glum bench about dating.

Will you get much chance for hobbies as things open up?
I know you have your children all the time but wondered about when they are at nursery/school?

@SortingItOut hey! Yes, i can't fault him for honesty at all. He has someone regular plus 2 others but still wants as many as possible. He basically has changed himself, had an overhaul and suddenly looks hot. He's done a Chris Pratt! Im fine with all that, but it just annoys me generally that im not having much luck connecting with anyone. I still have my ex FWB professing love every day but no one ahead in my future with potential! Every time i dig deeper, i find out something weird....

I had planned to take up yoga post lockdown easing so will look into that whilst the children are at school.

@Eesha So he's having a sexual revolution and getting as much sex as possible. I did the same when my marriage ended🙊

Do you think the dating sites might have more choice after the country opens up more on 21st June as people are waiting for complete freedom?

It must be so frustrating not being able to connect with someone.
I once said to UtterSocks that its a miracle anyone meets a partner when you consider the rough numbers, say 68 million in the UK, then halve for the amount of males, take away the ones in relationships, and then find your age range and you're down to about a million people then reduce down to things you want in a partner and the area you live in and you realise you are trying to find a needle in a hay stack. How do you find the few men who meet that criteria when your pool on the dating site is so small🤷‍♀️
Sorry thats quite negative in some respects but equally it makes you realise that finding someone takes a lot of time.

Yoga sounds a good idea, I hope you can get something booked in soon.

I've tentatively joined an outdoor group in the nearest town, I just figured with not seeing Mr K at weekends and sone weeknights and all my friends being in relationships and not free to meet I need to find some new hobbies. Plus my daughter is off to Uni soon and my son will be leaving home at some point for work so I'll have loads more spare time.

I've also got my eye on Meet Up as new local groups are appearing all the time now restrictions are easing.

@SortingItOut I love your calculation there and it’s so true. I think it is so so rare to find something special. But it happens!! We mustn’t forget that!

I’ve also joined meet-up as they do country walks locally which is nice otherwise I’d get very lost around here... I’ve found mostly it’s ladies though with a few old fellas. But I love walking anyway, so it’s pleasant to go along sometimes 🙂 nice just to mix with people again too!

Glad you dashed that one back into the SeaofTwats @Eesha! No point if it’s not right for you x

Found this which I thought summed up the living together / apart relationship conversation that happened a couple of threads 🧵 ago ☺️

@Dancerinthemoonlight and @WeWantTheFinestWines - good luck with your (damp) walking dates today.

Mr Smoker has gone quiet which is probably for the best as I don’t smoke, prefer an iron not smoke but was feeling beggars can’t be choosers.
Had another long chat with Mr Close last night. Chat flows very easily , but then I do find it easy to witter on about crap , he actually out-witters me which is rare! All depends whether there is any attraction - and as I’ve said before I don’t know if I’m ever going to feel that with anyone - I just feel like a fish out of water. He did ask for a full length photo (to check I wasn’t too fat) as all mine on my profile are close up ones of my face. He’s very opinionated - I’m not sure…. But he’s close by and I’m limited for choice!

Just wanted to say thank you for all the supportive messages last night. I'm feeling a bit deflated today but reading your takes on it really helped.
I've decided to get back in touch with my old therapist and try to unpick why I've tolerated such crap from Mr Polo and Mr O for the last few months. I can't really spare the expense but I'll make it work and look at it as essential health stuff.
In keeping with the thread title, back in to the Sea of Twats he goes!
Got some rare free time today so will use it wisely and look after myself.
Good luck to those on soggy dates today!

My date today has been postponed due to the weather.
I did tell him yesterday it was likely to rain all weekend and then get a text this morning that it's raining.

I'm probabaly going to sound judgy here but the longer I talk to him the less I think we have in common. He is a 36 year old who likes to unwind in the evenings by watching The Simpsons. To me that makes him a bit immature.
I will still see him when the weather is better and see what he is like in person

@Heartbeats0708 Sorry I forgot to comment, I'm really pleased to see you are going to book in for therapy, hopefully it will help you develop healthy boundaries in the future.

Mr Polo and Mr O are not worth the time of day, you are worth so much more than them.

Hope you enjoy your free time today 🤗

@Dancerinthemoonlight

My date today has been postponed due to the weather. I did tell him yesterday it was likely to rain all weekend and then get a text this morning that it's raining.

I'm probabaly going to sound judgy here but the longer I talk to him the less I think we have in common. He is a 36 year old who likes to unwind in the evenings by watching The Simpsons. To me that makes him a bit immature.
I will still see him when the weather is better and see what he is like in person

What a shame about your date today, @Dancer. I agree you should give him a chance in person. Some people do have hobbies like that, but are quite nice in person. ❤️

@Heartbeats0708

Just wanted to say thank you for all the supportive messages last night. I'm feeling a bit deflated today but reading your takes on it really helped. I've decided to get back in touch with my old therapist and try to unpick why I've tolerated such crap from Mr Polo and Mr O for the last few months. I can't really spare the expense but I'll make it work and look at it as essential health stuff. In keeping with the thread title, back in to the Sea of Twats he goes! Got some rare free time today so will use it wisely and look after myself. Good luck to those on soggy dates today!

Have a relaxing weekend, @Heartbeats. ❤️

Hi everyone,

Just checking in and catching up on the thread.

Had a bit of good news. Mr Bookworm is feeling better and we're going to have a video date tomorrow. Was pleased to hear from him as I'd been a bit worried about him, so I'm happy he's on the mend ❤️

Good luck to everyone who's got a date planned this weekend

[quote SortingItOut]@Heartbeats0708 Sorry I forgot to comment, I'm really pleased to see you are going to book in for therapy, hopefully it will help you develop healthy boundaries in the future.

Mr Polo and Mr O are not worth the time of day, you are worth so much more than them.

Hope you enjoy your free time today 🤗[/quote]
agree with this wholeheartedly ❤️

@SortingItOut yes, he is having a sexual revolution which i have no issues with and i explained it wasnt for me. Its just the general difficulty im having with finding a normal connection. Sometimes it frustrates me.

[quote GaraMedouar]**@Dancerinthemoonlight* and @WeWantTheFinestWines* - good luck with your (damp) walking dates today.

Mr Smoker has gone quiet which is probably for the best as I don’t smoke, prefer an iron not smoke but was feeling beggars can’t be choosers.
Had another long chat with Mr Close last night. Chat flows very easily , but then I do find it easy to witter on about crap , he actually out-witters me which is rare! All depends whether there is any attraction - and as I’ve said before I don’t know if I’m ever going to feel that with anyone - I just feel like a fish out of water. He did ask for a full length photo (to check I wasn’t too fat) as all mine on my profile are close up ones of my face. He’s very opinionated - I’m not sure…. But he’s close by and I’m limited for choice![/quote]
@GaraMedouar you are not a beggar! Try not to say things like that to yourself.

I know it's hard sometimes but you in no way come across as someone who is desperate.

Someone upthread, I think @SpringlikeBunk was talking about solo dates. Book yourself some solo stuff you really want to do & enjoy your time pleasing yourself ❤️

@onwardseverstridingonwards
Hope your call with Mr Bookworm goes well!