Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@cravingthelook

Sounds good, just make sure you’re taking steps to protect and safeguard your emotional well-being?

It’s such a rollercoaster meeting all these new people and having all these lovely moments of connection and intense interactions

but ive found they can burn out quickly (then I’m left thinking “so what now?”)

so I’ve definitely learned to “compartmentalise” a bit!

@10YellowTulips it's a family run business so she run it aswell as her son. The plan is for her son to take over the business in the future.

@SpringlikeBunk I am beginning to think it was a ploy to see how I would be under pressure and responding to a changing situation.
I have looked at the businesses on companies House and they are multi million pounds together as it's a group of 3/4 businesses

@Shayelle2009

Thanks that’s a good way of looking at it! I also vaguely know his industry and the schedule is “work intensely 12 hour shifts with no weekends off then free time”?

When we met he had paint under his nails and a 7am work start the next day.

So I’m quite sympathetic if he needs a week in bed, to commute back to his flat, etc. I’d rather see him fully rested and “ready to date” then just have him turn up all tired?

I’ve been wfh and apart from loneliness it’s been fairly chilled out for me.

Just checking in - thanks for the new thread @Shayelle2009

Nothing really to report from me - I deleted my Bumble and Hinge accounts recently, and haven't gone back on there yet. I have the occasional swipe on Tinder, but barely get any likes so no matches there currently.

I've been trying to focus on my photography hobby (excuse the pun), so I've been getting out and about with my camera, and also have been busy studying for a job interview earlier this week which is one I really want. It's nice to have other stuff other than dating to think about, so I'm feeling a lot happier within myself without the constant rejection and disappointment of OLD.

@Slothmomma

Thanks for the new thread shayelle. I'm a bit behind but have just caught up with last few pages of last thread and this one.

Things going well with Mr Hair- a month today ☺

Fantastic to hear, @Slothmomma ❤️

@TheCatWithTheHat

Just checking in - thanks for the new thread *@Shayelle2009*

Nothing really to report from me - I deleted my Bumble and Hinge accounts recently, and haven't gone back on there yet. I have the occasional swipe on Tinder, but barely get any likes so no matches there currently.

I've been trying to focus on my photography hobby (excuse the pun), so I've been getting out and about with my camera, and also have been busy studying for a job interview earlier this week which is one I really want. It's nice to have other stuff other than dating to think about, so I'm feeling a lot happier within myself without the constant rejection and disappointment of OLD.

I don't post much but do keep up with the thread, and this is so lovely to read. I'm glad moving the focus away from OLD is making you happier. I'm doing the same - online book club in a minute

Think I'm meeting Mr Active next week but I can't really be bothered. I'm completely losing the will with OLD. That's probably a good thing - if it happens it does, if not then no great loss.

I actually feel a lot more chilled when I have 0 irons.

Thanks @Shayelle2009 and @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards. Its early stages but I'm not overthinking and just enjoying it for now. To his credit he hasnt given me cause to overthink and his actions match his words😊

@TheTruthAboutLove

Hey Everyone,

I posted at the end of the last thread, so copied and pasted here! (Apparently I also have two usernames, one on my phone and one on my iPad 🤦‍♀️)

It’s been a good two years since I was last here, I remember @Marlboroandmalbec34 from back then. If anyone remembers I met Miss B&B, fell madly in love and we split up about a year ago now so I stayed off apps as I wasn’t fully committed to it.

Since then I met another lovely girl, but she’s the lesbian version of a guy - we were friends, she said the right thing, we slept together for a couple of months then out of the blue starts telling me about the new girls she’s talking to on Tinder now she wants to date again. For the first time in my life I realised I’d been made a fool of and told her my feelings meant we couldn’t be friends and we couldn’t talk anymore. That was four weeks ago, and bar one brief chat when I accidentally called her last week we haven’t spoke. Not speaking really has helped as it’s got me over it way quicker and I feel proud of myself for taking back control of the situation.

So, onto now. I went on Tinder, matched with quite a few people but I had that instant spark and connection with the last girl and just wanted to replicate that. Anyway met a girl Miss Vintage, and we’ve been texting for about a week non stop now, we are going on a date next Thursday (as I refused to meet anyone until I’ve been to the hairdresser!) and I’m really excited. I’m not on any apps anymore, as if this didn’t work out I’m quite happy to be single for now, but she seems lovely and we have a lot of football banter. I worry as she’s admitted she suffers from anxiety, and I don’t want our date to make her feel that way and I always worry how I’ll deal with it day to day if it did go well, but that’s the overthinker in me.

It’s lovely to see people settling down, I’m so happy for everyone who’s found love as those apps are awful!! My Manager went on for a few days and came off as the men all have either pictures of them at a wedding or uncensored pictures with their children, and she said also send a lot of innuendo based texts. So she wants to now meet someone the traditional way.

I was going to suggest you pasted it on new thread but apps been glitchy for me so gave up! Also giving solidarity with the dealing with MH issues going forward, not sure how much you know about her issues, if she's on meds etc? I'm there with Mr M and it's no walk in the park, and I'm really easy to deal with and extremely forgiving, relaxed etc. If I was in anyway demanding or needed anything from him it would 100% affect his support if he was in anxiety mode.

@TheTruthAboutLove

I guess the key is to just meet and see how it pans out.

I agree with @frankiefirstyear that it could potentially be very difficult?

Dating someone with anxiety at the stage where it meant very strong restrictions on what we could and couldn't do, him just walking out and flaking randomly...it was a lot to deal with early on!

I felt like I was being "controlled" by having to work around something that obviously wasn't his fault, but still being told that I had to "take on this supportive role" early on when I had my own problems as well.

That said, obviously things manifest themselves differently in different people. A lot of the population (myself included) has MH issues, you definitely wouldn't pick up on it if you socialised with us for a year!

Little update from me.
It's just been one year since I made my feelings/attraction known to MrM, known him through work for about 8 years and both had chemistry that we thought the other didn't feel 🤦‍♀️ plus were in relationships etc etc fast forward to now after our first date in February (I mean 😱 on how long it took to get to the first date!!) we are still in the land of once every 3-4 weeks date (usually TOTM for me too annoyingly!) and calls are absolutely hilarious but slim on the ground, no sleep overs because he doesn't want to sneak out before my kids wake up, but I've accepted this is how it is for now.
3 hours of heaven every 3-4 weeks and about the same in calls.
I feel I need to stay on this thread though because I love the advice, online solidarity and companionship, plus I'd be so bored without you all I'd definitely fall back on the apps (which I will because really...I WANT MORE!)

Hi @TheCatWithTheHat, hi @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards 👋

@bangheadhere40 it does feel less stressful, not having any apps. I’m not bothering for the foreseeable and it’s a weight off. Don't feel like I’m missing a thing!

Lol @Shayelle2009
If MrPM doesn’t come through I’ll consider getting back on the apps in a few weeks - though I’ll make a “quick dash for phone numbers and good chats” and not really spend more than a week or so! Or it gets so time-consuming

Thanks @SpringlikeBunk ... I'm doing just that.

As I said I have done a serious cull.

I have picked my top 2 potentials. I've going to name them

Mr Candy - kind, sweet lovely chat. Meeting tomorrow afternoon for coffee.

Mr Diamond - amazing chat, lots in common. Had a phone call tonight 90 minutes of nice chat and loads of giggles. He lives quite close by but he works offshore. He's back soon for 4 weeks so we have a coffee date on 25th. This one has serious potential now. But it might not work out so we'll just see.

Hi all - checking in on the new thread

@cravingthelook

offshore chaps can be a great laugh socially (mates or dates) , so fingers crossed for that contact !

Yes sounds good with the cull

My dating book definitely looks a lot more sparse when I cut out the second rate prospects (not just in terms of attraction but in terms of not seeming that reliable or me having to do all the chasing/organising/wifework!) .

But overall it’s meant to be reasonably enjoyable

if I’m spending the early stages of contact having to work out how to “win someone over” its just not that appealing!

Morning all, feeling a bit bruised after emotionally investing far too soon in Mr Big and now when I go on the apps I dont like anyone as they are not him. Had a stern word with myself, lesson learnt and I have a tentative date for next week with Mr Alarm. Will take things much more slowly this time, but god it was good while it lasted. Best thing about Mr Big was it confirmed I am ready to start dating again.

Good luck with your meet with Mr Candy today @cravingthelook! Hope you're feeling a bit better x

@SpringlikeBunk it’s nice to just not be swiping and have a break isn’t it, whatever the reason! Gets a bit consuming unless you can completely extract yourself from them.

I find it quite creepy in a way, how these things can get a bit of a hold!

@Shayelle2009

Good luck with your meet with Mr Candy today *@cravingthelook*! Hope you're feeling a bit better x

@SpringlikeBunk it’s nice to just not be swiping and have a break isn’t it, whatever the reason! Gets a bit consuming unless you can completely extract yourself from them.

I find it quite creepy in a way, how these things can get a bit of a hold!

This thread is the final OLDaddiction I have for the moment ... although I'm sure if things don't work out with Mr Bear 🐻 I'll be back on bumble and hinge before you can say over investment and serial monogamy ...

@Tinseltangle

Morning all, feeling a bit bruised after emotionally investing far too soon in Mr Big and now when I go on the apps I dont like anyone as they are not him. Had a stern word with myself, lesson learnt and I have a tentative date for next week with Mr Alarm. Will take things much more slowly this time, but god it was good while it lasted. Best thing about Mr Big was it confirmed I am ready to start dating again.

Sorry that happened to you. Sometimes if we've been hurt hard and we've had a knock back it gives us the chance to reassess what we want and be more choosy with matches.

In any case good luck with the new iron 💜

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@cravingthelook

offshore chaps can be a great laugh socially (mates or dates) , so fingers crossed for that contact !

Yes sounds good with the cull

My dating book definitely looks a lot more sparse when I cut out the second rate prospects (not just in terms of attraction but in terms of not seeming that reliable or me having to do all the chasing/organising/wifework!) .

But overall it’s meant to be reasonably enjoyable

if I’m spending the early stages of contact having to work out how to “win someone over” its just not that appealing![/quote]
Am so with you on winning someone over or doing 'wifework'. That's not what dating is supposed to feel like. Ever since I've been following this thread you do seem to have great boundaries and know what you're about. Long May it continue and I hope 🤞🏽 it pays off for you soon

😂😂

Sorry those laughing faces were @BelladiMamma for the ‘over investment and serial monogamy’ comment 😂😂

@Tinseltangle - good luck with Mr Alarm. I really over-invested in my first ever date (classic rookie error) , yep thought how lucky am I , first date and we connected brilliantly beforehand - long long phone calls and chats - just a perfect match . But after agreeing to a second date he just stalled and slowly faded me out , rather even than just saying no, which was the worst for me, kept questioning myself and over analysing every last text. Jeez.

Now, no-one is quite the same. All a bit meh.
But maybe that’s better, I’ll go to any dates now with a ‘que sera sera ‘ attitude , less bothered and desperate! So I might appear all aloof and super confident that they have to chase me or maybe not.

I actually feel pretty down about it all. But I know it’s a numbers game, and it has worked for some people on here …… I’m trying to think there’s someone for everyone.