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Original poster

Dp still sulking over conspiracy

236 replies

Abbeywell79 · 08/05/2021 07:36

I had a thread on here yesterday which got pulled as it appeared some conspiracy nut jobs took it over and I was concerned dp might come across it.

There were so many helpful posters on there who I tried to say thank you to before it got pulled but ran out of time. I just wanted to say it here because that thread really got me through a very tough day.

As an update, well not much to report. He’s still not home so I relented and sent him a message last night saying the children miss you perhaps you could let us know your plans. He replied saying he hasn’t had much sleep (my heart bleeds) and he would be in touch tomorrow (how kind).

I never again want to see the disappointed look on my children’s faces when they realised daddy wasn’t home. If he so much as tries the woe is me card today I will tell him to grow the fuck up and get back home and deal with his responsibilities.

This probably doesn’t make much sense to anyone but needed to put something down.

OP posts:
GappyValley · 08/05/2021 07:39

I saw your thread yesterday

I’m so sorry for you, what an absolute brainless arsehole he is

It’s probably up there with being cheated on, he has had such a personality transplant

I hope you find a solution, whatever it might be Flowers

Trixie78 · 08/05/2021 07:40

I have no idea what's happened but sounds like you've had s tough one, sorry OP 💐

KateTheEighth · 08/05/2021 07:51

I hope you can work through this

Keep safe Thanks

Hazel444 · 08/05/2021 07:54

Good luck today, I really do think he is very mentally unwell, so his behaviour may not be predictable - be on your guard.

Temp023 · 08/05/2021 07:58

@Hazel444

Good luck today, I really do think he is very mentally unwell, so his behaviour may not be predictable - be on your guard.
Absolutely, be careful!
Anniegetyourgun · 08/05/2021 08:07

If it's any consolation, XH picks up any conspiracy theory going, and could sulk for Britain, but never became a danger to anyone except, occasionally, himself. He still sees the DC (all adults now) and is as mad as ever but harmless, if annoying as fuck. It's not guaranteed that someone this unhinged will turn - just a possibility that should be borne in mind and a Plan B prepared just in case, as pp are rightly saying. I noted from your previous thread you appear to be on top of this.

endofthelinefinally · 08/05/2021 08:07

There is a series of threads on here by a poster called jamaisjedors, I think it is. You should read them. The first one is called something about
"sulking H".
I am on phone so can't search easily but someone might be able to link.
Her now ex behaved like this and was eventually diagnosed and admitted for treatment for fairly serious mental illness.

Daleksatemyshed · 08/05/2021 08:59

@Abbeywell79, so pleased to see you back, when your thread vanished I was quite worried for you. I can see you're managing this difficult situation really well and I hope at least your DP will show his face today and have a sensible conversation.

Tornfuture123 · 08/05/2021 09:02

My goodness what is it with these men lapping up conspiracy theories? Is it always mental problems? Quite scary how awfully thick some people can be. Usually men isn’t it?

litterbird · 08/05/2021 09:43

@Tornfuture123....sadly I know of 3 women who are deep into the conspiracy theories. All of them are sadly on MH medication and struggling with daily lives. Thankfully when we meet the boundary is that no nonsense talk about having our DNA changed/Bill Gates/New World Order...insert any other mad story here. I had a lovely 2 hours with one of my girlfriends and it was just lovely chit chat. An hour later, when she realised I had had my second vaccine she posts something on SM about we are all going to die with the vaccine which was pulled and fact checked by the platform. I tolerate her as a friend as she has some MH issues and our boundaries are firmly in place.

Tornfuture123 · 08/05/2021 09:47

How sad litterbird

Evergibbon · 08/05/2021 10:32

Glad to hear you're OK OP

Tombero · 08/05/2021 10:46

I saw your thread yesterday and that it was pulled. I’m glad you’re ok, good luck today.

messybun101 · 08/05/2021 10:49

It makes sense to me op I've followed all your threads.

Sending you all the very best of luck for today Thanks

Orcadianrythyms · 08/05/2021 10:53

Thinking of you - I hope you manage to cope with what will no doubt be a difficult day. I'd go out with the kids and try and find some joy. I'm really sorry you've found yourself in this situation. I hear what people are saying about friends but it's very different when it's your life partner. You can't compartmentalise this no matter how much you want to. Make your peace with separating - you won't be able to push through this.

pointythings · 08/05/2021 10:54

I was on your thread yesterday, I'm sorry the loons took it over. I'm also glad you've found your anger. You have done nothing wrong in fact by getting vaccinated you have protected your family. You aren't responsible for managing his paranoia, that's on him.

All the very best of luck. Flowers

MarshmallowAra · 08/05/2021 10:58

That's abusive towards your kids.

And I can only imagine he'll be one more so if he tries to inflict his beliefs on them.

Lsquiggles · 08/05/2021 11:10

Do you have somewhere to go if this goes badly OP? Have you told family/friends?

crosspelican · 08/05/2021 11:33

Where did he stay last night if he didn't come home? Did he just stay on wherever he works during the week?

I'm sorry you're having such a crap time.

TakeMeToKernow · 08/05/2021 11:55

I remember jamais! Followed her threads for what felt like quite a long time. I can’t remember what other signs or symptoms her DH displayed - was he a conspiracy believer as well?

Alcemeg · 08/05/2021 12:03

Poor OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

It's so frustrating that with all the information on the internet, lots of people actively seek out the disinformation and propaganda that supports their paranoia.

It is impossible to argue with someone who believes in conspiracy, because it distorts their understanding of everything. They will believe absolute wildly ridiculous crap, with no evidence base, rather than "the mainstream narrative."

Another vote here for what sounds like mental illness.

crackingcrackers · 08/05/2021 12:14

I'm so sorry that he hurt your kids. That's a really dirty move if it's deliberate. He sounds very self absorbed. Only has room in his life for his extreme beliefs and will cut off rather than compromise. I hope he behaves himself if he does come back today. I still think you need to at least tell someone close by in RL what's going on. I understand you're embarrassed by it, but you shouldn't be. Try to see it as poor MH. You need back-up dealing with it.

Wallywobbles · 08/05/2021 13:17

Your thread before last prompted a discussion with my DH. We agree that the first hint of this nonsense and the other person calls time. We have 4 kids so not a small thing to do. But absolutely not possible to continue in the relationship.

UnderTheSkyInsideTheSea · 08/05/2021 13:31

I posted in your thread yesterday, @Abbeywell79 and was a bit concerned when I saw it had been pulled; I’d logged on today to see how it went when he got home (I’ve seen that he’s not back yet, obvs). Glad you’re ok and getting support here, and I hope the anti-vaxxers don’t derail this thread.

To reiterate what I said yesterday... I’m all for freedom of thought and speech - people are entitled to believe whatever they like. If it’s affecting you and the wellbeing of your children, though, you are under no obligation at all to stay in this marriage, and nobody in their right mind would blame you for ending it. Declining the vaccine and concerns around the vaccine are one thing (and I understand people’s concerns), but this sounds like he’s much deeper down the rabbit hole than that, which is the point at which his behaviour becomes concerning.

I think you’re wise to have a bag packed, and although I’m glad to see that you don’t feel that you or the children are in any danger from him, I do think that it would be wise to confide in your family or friends what’s going on, and forward them the messages that he sent you yesterday, so that there’s a bit of a paper trail, iyswim, and so that you can get real life support.

Could your children go to a family member’s while you talk it out with him? Did you move nearer to your family? I remember that was a factor in your thread a while ago.

Best of luck.

Original poster
Abbeywell79 · 08/05/2021 13:44

Thanks and yes I agree it can only be put down to some sort of mental health breakdown. He lost members of his family last year (not COVID-related) and there’s been illness of other family members he’s had to deal with so, as I said yesterday, it really doesn’t surprise me that he has gone down this route.

I just wish I knew where his head was at right now - part of me is hoping he is realising what he’s losing so trying to get his head around it, but I suspect he’s just a coward who doesn’t want to deal with the realities of life.

In the meantime, I’m carrying on as normal. What else can I do?! I’ve had a lovely morning playing with my boys and laughing lots with them.

I’ve not told anyone what’s going on yet (apart from the nursery manager yesterday, poor woman she didn’t really know what to make of it all!) as I want to gauge where dp’s head is at which hopefully I might get an idea of today if he bothers trying to make contact again. I really don’t want to have to contact him again but for the sake of the boys I might have to.

Do I need to speak to a solicitor yet or just put the ball in his court? I’m not particularly bothered if I ever speak to him again but I know that’s not realistic with children.

OP posts: