Dp still sulking over conspiracy

[Abbeywell79]

I had a thread on here yesterday which got pulled as it appeared some conspiracy nut jobs took it over and I was concerned dp might come across it.

There were so many helpful posters on there who I tried to say thank you to before it got pulled but ran out of time. I just wanted to say it here because that thread really got me through a very tough day.

As an update, well not much to report. He’s still not home so I relented and sent him a message last night saying the children miss you perhaps you could let us know your plans. He replied saying he hasn’t had much sleep (my heart bleeds) and he would be in touch tomorrow (how kind).

I never again want to see the disappointed look on my children’s faces when they realised daddy wasn’t home. If he so much as tries the woe is me card today I will tell him to grow the fuck up and get back home and deal with his responsibilities.

This probably doesn’t make much sense to anyone but needed to put something down.

I read your update Op and rolled my eyes so hard I feel dizzy. I know everyone's suffered with the pandemic, everyone's MH has been dented but your DP's logic has gone out of the window and then some. Please don't waste your time with the crap he's sent you, call your family/BF/ whoever and get some RL support. I'm sorry you're the only sensible adult in your household, thank Heavens for your DC that at least you've kept it together

I think I would approach ss and the police and show them the messages.
Your dh is very ill and you really don't know what he may do.
I'm not trying to scare you but a close friends partner strangled his dc because he thought he couldn't protect him. He was seriously mentally ill.
I would have banked my house on him never harming his dc.

In this case, I'd certainly contact a solicitor. I'd also keep absolutely everything in writing. I don't think any of us can say that this is a psychotic breakthere are plenty of people who are deluded but aren't psychoticbut if there are going to be competency issues raised at a later date, written communication is going to be key.

I'd also open up to a few close friends/family members. I don't think you need to put up a billboard that says that your husband believes that the royal family are lizards, but I do think building both a community of support and witnesses of record is going to be an important step.

Other people have mentioned the online communities of people coping with this, and it might be good to read them. It will make you feel less alone. I also still recommend the podcast Rabbit Hole, or at least the New York Times articles behind the podcast, which does a beautiful job illustrating both the way in and the way out for a disaffected young man who becomes obsessed with conspiracies. There's also been a lot of news in the States about these sorts of conspiracies, particularly after the attack on the Capitol in January, and some googling might bring you to stories of other people going through this.

But be clear with yourself: it can and often does require expert deprogramming, and that's not your responsibility (nor do you have the training). You can certainly try to talk with him, but it will most likely be impossible to reason him out of this yourself.

Stay safe, OP.

@Nancydrawn

In this case, I'd certainly contact a solicitor. I'd also keep absolutely everything in writing. I don't think any of us can say that this is a psychotic breakthere are plenty of people who are deluded but aren't psychoticbut if there are going to be competency issues raised at a later date, written communication is going to be key.

I'd also open up to a few close friends/family members. I don't think you need to put up a billboard that says that your husband believes that the royal family are lizards, but I do think building both a community of support and witnesses of record is going to be an important step.

Other people have mentioned the online communities of people coping with this, and it might be good to read them. It will make you feel less alone. I also still recommend the podcast Rabbit Hole, or at least the New York Times articles behind the podcast, which does a beautiful job illustrating both the way in and the way out for a disaffected young man who becomes obsessed with conspiracies. There's also been a lot of news in the States about these sorts of conspiracies, particularly after the attack on the Capitol in January, and some googling might bring you to stories of other people going through this.

But be clear with yourself: it can and often does require expert deprogramming, and that's not your responsibility (nor do you have the training). You can certainly try to talk with him, but it will most likely be impossible to reason him out of this yourself.

Stay safe, OP.

This is excellent advice.

I recommend Reddit's /r/QAnonCasualties for other people in similar scenarios.

I read your post yesterday and thought oh f*. I’m experiencing this with a friend, not a husband but echo previous posters you need to document and unfortunately, consider separating. He sounds unhinged and co-parenting will not work if he’s pouring conspiracy theories into their ears plus Mum is an idiot because she can’t see the ‘truth’ and protect the kids from all the evil forces out there.

Litterbird. Do we have the same friend by any chance ! My friends are totally into this vaccine worry thing .Such a shame as they are intelligent ,a good laugh and generally all good! However seem to be sucked into these theories !

Abbeywell Glad you are OK .Read your post yesterday and felt for you .As you see I have friends like this as well.I hope you take advice from pp re safeguarding yourself and DC.These theories seem to have taken root sadly, and otherwise sensible people seem to be sucked in .very sad .

I read your post yesterday too. Good luck. You sound totally sensible, clear and sorted. Sending hugs

It's good he put it down in black and white. Go and see a solicitor. Personally I would be seriously considering whether or not to leave the kids alone with him unless he goes to see a go for help for his paranoia...

I saw your thread. I’m so happy you and your children are still well and safe. I’m so sorry this is happening to you

Christ on a bike. I’m so sorry you’ve lost your DH this way, OP. I hope you’re able to make calm and rational co-parenting arrangements with him

Good to hear from you.

It's sad that it's ending, but after yesterday & your previous threads, you really needed it to end -so do the boys. They'll be sad now, but it would only have hit wirse and potentially much worse.

As I said on your thread yesterday. You NEED to see a solicitor & start the ball rolling with the legal advice and things in place so he can't just take the children etc.

You NEED to tell your friends & family. I know it's not easy, but they need to know what's happening.

I don't think you should let him in the house, god alone knows what he could do.

Be safe - you're doing the right thing x

Call his doctor. Don't leave kids alone with him. Has he got family. Yes get legal advise

@endofthelinefinally

All communication by email only. Scan/ copy everything for your solicitor and GP. He sounds very unwell and a danger to your children. You need evidence in order to keep them safe.

This With bells on

Sorry @Abbeywell79 what a dreadfully sad situation.

@BobLemon

Christ on a bike. I’m so sorry you’ve lost your DH this way, OP. I hope you’re able to make calm and rational co-parenting arrangements with him

Sorry???!!! How can a man who is clearly in the throes of some horrendous psychological crisis look after young children when he clearly cannot take care of himself?

I saw the beginning of the thread, but not the end. Glad you are all safe and well.

It may be worth reading the stuff, if only to say you’ve read it. Maybe acknowledge he’s entitled to his views, but you don’t subscribe to them, and you wouldn’t do anything to harm yourself or the children.

Jeez OP I didn't see the thread yesterday but can guess what's happened....good luck sorting out the mess

@dottiedodah

Litterbird. Do we have the same friend by any chance ! My friends are totally into this vaccine worry thing .Such a shame as they are intelligent ,a good laugh and generally all good! However seem to be sucked into these theories !

Maybe!! My friend is a teacher, highly intelligent and a good laugh too....her mental health is not good but I just can't fathom out why they would attach to such ludicrous rantings. It is destroying relationships as we can see with the OP. After my friend posted about you will die if you get vaccinated after she found out about my 2nd vax then I am going to step away for a while until she works through her issues. What a sad situation this is for people affected on both sides.

Glad you've posted again op. Now is the time to involve friends and family, for the safety of yourself and your children.

This is horrendous for you. You need your family and friends.

OP please, please confide in someone in RL. Please get someone you trust to stay with you and your children, or to be on emergency call.

You don’t have to tell them all the details, just explain that he’s saying bizarre things and is not behaving normally and you need support.

Please take this seriously. He doesn’t sound in a rational enough mindset to discuss this. You have an advantage in being able to prepare before he turn up, if he does.

If a friend of yours was in this situation, wouldn’t you be more than happy to help keep them & their children safe? I’m sure almost everyone would.

I posted on your thread yesterday but returned after it was deleted. I’m going to repeat myself though: you NEED to tell your family and friends. NOW. This has gone beyond anything you can handle just on your own. Activate your support network and contact a solicitor ASAP.

I’ve tried reaching out to family tonight - nothing specific just to ask if they were around to talk but I got the brush off. My family has a history of ‘keeping things light’ and ‘no dramatics please’ so it’s not going to be easy but I am spending time with them next week and will just take a breath and tell them what’s going on then.

In the meantime he’s sent me messages saying it’s important he knows which vaccine I had so he can decide his next movements. This the first time I’ve actually felt a bit threatened so I have obviously not replied and when we speak tomorrow I will make it clear I am not doing this over WhatsApp messages and will not tell him what I had.

Starting to struggle a bit now I think, I was hopeful we could come to some sensible agreement and he could stay with us at weekends in the summer house and still have family days out (naive, I know) but it seems like a button has been pressed that’s just opened the floodgates for him not to hide all this stuff any more.

OP are your family generally okay?

I think this is a time to say "can you talk now please, it's very important".

If he even wants to know which vaccine....the shedding thing is bad enough but what on earth is he into now?!

I'm sorry, I don't want to alarm you but I think it's better if you tell a friend or family now.

@Abbeywell79

I’ve tried reaching out to family tonight - nothing specific just to ask if they were around to talk but I got the brush off. My family has a history of ‘keeping things light’ and ‘no dramatics please’ so it’s not going to be easy but I am spending time with them next week and will just take a breath and tell them what’s going on then.

In the meantime he’s sent me messages saying it’s important he knows which vaccine I had so he can decide his next movements. This the first time I’ve actually felt a bit threatened so I have obviously not replied and when we speak tomorrow I will make it clear I am not doing this over WhatsApp messages and will not tell him what I had.

Starting to struggle a bit now I think, I was hopeful we could come to some sensible agreement and he could stay with us at weekends in the summer house and still have family days out (naive, I know) but it seems like a button has been pressed that’s just opened the floodgates for him not to hide all this stuff any more.

Ok, please tell people around you tonight.

Compose a message and send it. People need to know.

I think you would be far safer keeping as much communication with him by text as possible - that way you have anything threatening, like this, in black and white.

I know it's extremely difficult, but you need to stop thinking about the man you married. That's not the man you are communicating with now. The man you are communicating with now is dangerous and you need to start seeing him as such.