Dp still sulking over conspiracy

[Abbeywell79]

I had a thread on here yesterday which got pulled as it appeared some conspiracy nut jobs took it over and I was concerned dp might come across it.

There were so many helpful posters on there who I tried to say thank you to before it got pulled but ran out of time. I just wanted to say it here because that thread really got me through a very tough day.

As an update, well not much to report. He’s still not home so I relented and sent him a message last night saying the children miss you perhaps you could let us know your plans. He replied saying he hasn’t had much sleep (my heart bleeds) and he would be in touch tomorrow (how kind).

I never again want to see the disappointed look on my children’s faces when they realised daddy wasn’t home. If he so much as tries the woe is me card today I will tell him to grow the fuck up and get back home and deal with his responsibilities.

This probably doesn’t make much sense to anyone but needed to put something down.

OP I am just so sorry for you having to deal with this. As he cant see how his actions are damaging everything I think its right for you to control how you move forward with this. I would suggest a good chat with a solicitor so you have some information as to how you go about separating and divorce, what you are entitled to etc etc. Get knowledgeable so you are forearmed with the details. DPs head is somewhere you or anyone else cannot reach for now. It may change but he will need help and support from professionals thats for sure. You adore your children and your joy comes from them. Concentrate on that and move forward to a freer life.

If you've decided that you're separating, then it can't harm to contact a solicitor, as you'll be needed one eventually anyway! It's pathetic that he is hiding from you and his children because you made a decision regarding your own body and your own health, based on that I wouldn't be engaging any further, I'd pack his things and let him know that they're ready on the doorstep for him to collect.

You deserve so much better, and so do your lovely boys! Really pleased you're enjoying some lovely quality time with them while your husband is out sulking

I seen you thread yesterday. I'm sorry your DH has fallen down the rabbit hole. I have 2 friends that are also believing these conspiracies too.
I just want to say if you do split ensure you get a residency order in place before your children go to him for a visit. If he believes you're causing them harm then he may refuse to hand them back. The police are powerless if this is not in place, you could have a fight on your hands to get them back.

missed the updating until the thread got deleted. So he stayed away last night? as a punishment ?
Make copies of all important documents, or he removes them pre separation. House deeds, life insurance, pensions, savings, important ID. make sure your personal bank info is safe.move to a safe place (not in house) Change log in, same for any cloud/ipad/ etc.secure you email.
Sorry, but whether he is having a mental breakdown or brain scrambled in conspiracy mode, protect your DC, as suggested, if he is so certain you are a risk,

I’m very glad you posted today OP. I saw the thread yesterday and was really concerned.

I do think you do still have to be very careful, and keep you all safe.
He sounds like he might have gone into some sort of psychotic state, so is less able to tell what’s real or not.
If that’s what’s happened then he can get well again with treatment/medication, so you definitely shouldn’t feel worried about being judged for ‘failing’ in a relationship. You seem very calm& sensible, he sounds ill, but I do hope you can keep safe - because he may not know what he’s doing - and that he can get help.
You say this is all completely out of character, so maybe that’s a good sign that he can recover eventually. All the best!

I think you should probably speak to a solicitor to get advice on what you need to get in order, where you stand and what you can act on. As a PP said, get copies of all important documents and store them with parents just in case you need to leave in a hurry. The residency order is a good call too.

I really hope for all your sakes he realises what he's doing to his family and sorts himself out.

I agree that it sounds like it could be a psychotic episode, and if his current behaviour is completely out of character, then, with the right medication, he could make a full recovery.

I’m sorry you’re all going through this.

I've recently ended a relationship with someone who from time to time in general chat and debate about world events, would say something as a counter opinion, that made me question his sources . Sure enough, it's viral posts and memes etc, that stick in some people's heads and ' must be true cause they've seen it somewhere'.
Shoot me if I ever become a person who takes Facebook posts and WhatsApp shares as valid factual news.
Hopefully, most reasonably educated people know that, source of info is everything, and quality, unbiased research, with meaningful reproducible results , is not what all research is, so it's our duty to try to weed out the crap said in life, and get to facts. That's thinking, whereas conspiracy theorists are running on their emotions, rather than reasoned knowledge, I suppose that's why it's combined with MH issues ( is taken over by emotional turmoil).

He’s just sent me an incredibly long message which has clearly been put together by someone else (probably his online ‘friends’) as he’s terrible at putting a comprehensive argument together.

It’s very calm, considered, says he loves me but knowing that I’ve been injected with a bio weapon means he’s having to reconsider things. There are so many ridiculous things in there, how we are at world war 3...I scanned a lot of it. Then there were links upon links and then a video.

I’ve just gone back saying shame you couldn’t have come home yesterday and discussed it and I won’t do it over message so please either call or we can arrange to meet in person. He’s said he will phone me tomorrow and asked me to read the information he’s sent me.

What the hell do I say to that?

you could encourage him to see his GP

I've read your previous threads. You cannot reason with someone who is not reasonable, so it would be foolish to continue trying.

In your shoes I would simply explain how his response has made you feel, and why it means you cannot continue the relationship. Keep it simple and clear. Don't be sucked into a debate on it, he cannot argue with how you feel. But I would get your ducks lined up in a row first, and see a lawyer if you haven't already.

I’m thinking of saying when he phones that we just use the call to discuss how we are going co-parent. Just not even acknowledge the crazy.

He wants you to read all the info before he'll speak to you at all?
I really do think you need to confide in someone close to you IRL - someone who knows and loves you both, but that you trust implicitly.

All communication by email only. Scan/ copy everything for your solicitor and GP. He sounds very unwell and a danger to your children. You need evidence in order to keep them safe.

You can't reason with someone that unreasonable.

Keep any replies very short and to the point. Please make sure you keep all and every message in case you need them going forward.

I also think you need to take proper advice about what to do regarding your discussing co-parenting with him. I know you feel that none of you are in any danger from him, but could you have seen this behaviour coming? You also need ot consider that he and his friends may consider you a danger to him or the children.

I think you need to get urgent advice about ensuring that the children are recognisably resident with you.

Also take copies of all your important paper work, pack a grab bag and please tell someone around you.

He believes you are effectively a biological weapon?

Don't meet him. Don't take the children to meet him. Don't let him know under any circumstances where the children might be, as the logical progression of his argument would be to separate the children from a biological weapon and he has a network of internet 'friends' who would be delighted to assist in the separation of children from their nonbelieving mother now.

Please please tell someone IRL - it sounds like he has changed so much, you don’t know what he would be capable of doing

It might or might not be helpful to put an extract of his message into Google....if he’s on some sort of fruit loop conspiracy forum it might be better to know about it?

Honestly I'd

I was on your thread yesterday, I sorry it got pulled, there was a lot of good advice on there.

I remember you said that you had not told any of your family what he is into and how nuts he has become, you must do this before it all hits the fan. Phone and chat to someone you trust, lay it all out, and explain how bad it has become.

As to the links and videos. I wouldn't dicsuss them, but I would be very clear, I do not agree with them, and I think it is very unhealthy to be obsessed with them.

Oops

I would email him asking him to confirm key things such as

So you believe x y z?

Do you think it's not safe for me to look after the DC?

Basically closed questions that you can present at court/to his solicitor that he is unsafe and mentally unwell?

Oh my goodness OP, a biological weapon? He is seriously unwell. I think you are right, do not let him know that you have read anything and send a short text saying you are willing to communicate to discuss co-parenting. I would get immediate support from any of your friends and family as they need to know what is going on. Go and see a solicitor post haste. This is the deepest rabbit hole I have read about.

Sorry you are going through this OP. I wish you well moving forward. There is lots of good advice herd about speaking to a solicitor and taking practical steps such as organising passwords, banking stuff etc.

I agree with the pp who said talk to someone in RL. I understand the instinct to protect him but protecting him may be best done by letting people know.

Another poster advised you to ask him key questions to use as evidence. I strongly disagree with that. Its really important not to engage.

Is the house rented or owned op?

I was on your thread yesterday but not the last pages which I did not see. It seemed most OPs thought he was mentally ill and potentially dangerous. Do you really want someone like that - still spouting this deranged message to you in writing with references to be around your children? Does he have a theory the royal family are lizards for outer space too? He needs treatment in a mental institution.

Definitely consult a solicitor, keep all messages he sends and keep a notebook of all of his erratic behaviour.

Have you told anyone IRL? I think you need someone on standby, possibly even staying with you as who knows what he will think he needs to do.