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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp still sulking over conspiracy

236 replies

Abbeywell79 · 08/05/2021 07:36

I had a thread on here yesterday which got pulled as it appeared some conspiracy nut jobs took it over and I was concerned dp might come across it.

There were so many helpful posters on there who I tried to say thank you to before it got pulled but ran out of time. I just wanted to say it here because that thread really got me through a very tough day.

As an update, well not much to report. He’s still not home so I relented and sent him a message last night saying the children miss you perhaps you could let us know your plans. He replied saying he hasn’t had much sleep (my heart bleeds) and he would be in touch tomorrow (how kind).

I never again want to see the disappointed look on my children’s faces when they realised daddy wasn’t home. If he so much as tries the woe is me card today I will tell him to grow the fuck up and get back home and deal with his responsibilities.

This probably doesn’t make much sense to anyone but needed to put something down.

OP posts:
Ellerica · 09/05/2021 00:57

This reply has been deleted

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UnderTheSkyInsideTheSea · 09/05/2021 10:06

Honestly @Abbeywell79, given your updates, if I were you I’d keep everything in writing for now - don’t see him/speak to him until you’ve clarified what he thinks and have that in writing; if he’s referring to you as a ‘biological weapon’, I’d be pretty concerned about his potential plans for the children.

Fruityfriday · 10/05/2021 10:49

Just checking in to see how you are OP

Original poster
Abbeywell79 · 10/05/2021 14:25

Thank you @Fruityfriday I meant to post earlier but was spending some time with my parents.

I went for a walk with my dad last night and told him everything. My mum worries a lot and he’s more level headed so thought best to start with him. He was wonderful. He then told my mum and I went round this morning to talk it all through. Theyve both been great.

The pp who suggested I make it clear I’m fine was absolutely right - I showed them I was coping, in control of everything and not falling apart. By the end we were even laughing about some of the ridiculous things dp believes. They’ve both told me to be honest with them about everything from now on and they will give me whatever support I need.

Thank you to everyone who pushed for me to get rl support I wouldn’t have done it otherwise.

Still heard nothing from dp he was supposed to call yesterday but nothing. I’m at a loss for words how he can just leave us like this.

OP posts:
crackingcrackers · 10/05/2021 14:31

I'm so glad that you've spoken to your family and how supportive they're being. That's really good.

How completely awful of him to have just disappeared. Are you going to get any legal advice? Are the nursery still on alert in case he tries to take the kids? I hope he gets in touch soon so that you at least know what is going on.

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 10/05/2021 14:50

Excellent news that your parents have shown that you can confide in them.

I wonder why the type of vaccine matters. Maybe Pfizer and AZ have all the 5G chips but the Moderna will turn you into a flesh eating zombie?

pointythings · 10/05/2021 14:54

The fact that he has just disappeared suggests that his mental health is fraying. That's sad, but there is nothing you can do about it. Be vigilant, take care of yourself, keep talking to people in real life and if he does turn up, don't hesitate to involve the police if he is at all scary.

Mix56 · 10/05/2021 15:07

So glad you have your parents on side.
I would send him a message saying how dare he abandon his children & go underground, You are not unwell due to your Covid jab, but clearly he needs to see his GP. as his psychosis over this is showing & he is clearly not lucid.
I think it would be good to keep a paper trail of his disappearance, his state of mind, & the fact he is having a brain fail of whatever sort.

Myglueattack · 10/05/2021 15:13

Hope you're OK, have you been able to talk to anyone in RL? 💐

Myglueattack · 10/05/2021 15:15

Posted too soon, glad you've been able to talk to your parents. You're doing great.

HopeHappy · 10/05/2021 16:20

Your last post made me well up @Abbeywell79 - your parents sound wonderful!

I have nothing helpful to add, but did read your PP before it got derailed (almost sorry I missed the crazies!), so just wanted to wish you all the best.

It's terrifying how some people can be so easily manipulated. Why are "facts" from unreliable sources apparently more reliable than people that actually know what they're talking about?!

The comments on Holly Willoughby's post on Insta about getting her jab were mindblowing to me... somehow I'd managed to avoid the nutjobs until then.

TurquoiseDragon · 10/05/2021 16:28

@AlmostSummer21

Good to hear from you.

It's sad that it's ending, but after yesterday & your previous threads, you really needed it to end -so do the boys. They'll be sad now, but it would only have hit wirse and potentially much worse.

As I said on your thread yesterday. You NEED to see a solicitor & start the ball rolling with the legal advice and things in place so he can't just take the children etc.

You NEED to tell your friends & family. I know it's not easy, but they need to know what's happening.

I don't think you should let him in the house, god alone knows what he could do.

Be safe - you're doing the right thing x

Sadly, I also think this is necessary.

And making sure you have copies of any and all paperwork. Hide the DC passports and birth certificates, and he doesn't have the DC unsupervised.

Bellringer · 11/05/2021 09:58

Have you told his family? They should be worried about him.

Evergibbon · 11/05/2021 12:30

Quite how he can reconcile himself to "its dangerous" and "I'll just disappear and leave the kids there" I don't know. Truly if you thought that something was that awful you'd get in and get the kids out of "harms" way???

Alcemeg · 11/05/2021 12:41

@Evergibbon

Quite how he can reconcile himself to "its dangerous" and "I'll just disappear and leave the kids there" I don't know. Truly if you thought that something was that awful you'd get in and get the kids out of "harms" way???
Unless concern for your own "safety" trumped anyone else's.
OwlIsBeingAnOwl · 11/05/2021 14:29

@Evergibbon

Quite how he can reconcile himself to "its dangerous" and "I'll just disappear and leave the kids there" I don't know. Truly if you thought that something was that awful you'd get in and get the kids out of "harms" way???
Well yes this shouldn't be forgotten - he may see OP as the "harm" and act on this so please please stay safe, op.
MarshmallowAra · 11/05/2021 14:36

Men who work away often play away too.

Are you certain he's not trumping this up (no pun intended) to do what he wants to do anyway - split (?)

Not saying he's not nuts and believes all this shit but maybe he had another agenda too.

Triffid1 · 11/05/2021 14:56

OP, I've been on various of your threads. Sorry to hear that he's behaving this way. As a PP said, it's hard to understand how he's SOOOO concerned about the DC's safety, and yet simultaneously is MIA. Sounds like you and your family are al on the same page and you're fully capable of getting on with things as you need to.

lovemenot · 11/05/2021 15:00

The nutjob ex of someone I know did kidnap their kids because he objected to wifi being in the home. He then kept them sleep deprived while he "educated" them on all things 4G and 5G.

Be careful, protect yourself and your kids above all else.

JingsMahBucket · 11/05/2021 15:44

Jeez, what a nightmare @lovemenot. Hopefully he was prosecuted and jailed for that.

frumpety · 11/05/2021 16:04

The him needing to know which vaccine you have had so he can decide his next movements bit made me go cold Sad

Daleksatemyshed · 12/05/2021 10:41

@Abbeywell79, I hope you and your DC are ok. Hope your "DH" has finally done the decent thing and called you all.

PainterInPeril · 12/05/2021 11:31

@Abbeywell79 I'm sorry you're going through this. I have no advice but I hope you all stay safe and well. Flowers
@frumpety Yes, I felt the same as you on reading that. It sounded very threatening, the "next movements" bit suggests he may be considering "action." Confused

PersonaNonGarter · 13/05/2021 12:26

OP, you sound brilliant. As has been pointed out elsewhere, belief in these conspiracy theories gives believers a sense of control and superiority, especially true when they feel lost and under-achieving.

He is trying to exercise that control over you - your mind, your reactions, your sense of security and predictability. Don’t let him. Stay calm and as sane as you obviously are. Stay out of his power and don’t engage.

Original poster
Abbeywell79 · 13/05/2021 18:31

Thanks all - I have to keep re reading your comments as he has sent a couple more messages that are like the old him (eg commenting on the updates from nursery - he was never any good at using the app but seems like he’s figured it out) so having to remind myself of how angry I am.

He’s coming back tomorrow to talk so I have told my family and spoken with a solicitor so know what I need to do if it all goes tits up but I’m hopeful he will be as reasonable as he can be under the circumstances.

@lovemenot that’s so awful, I am definitely on my guard and not taking anything for granted

OP posts: