Got a message from 'the wife'

[HoldThatThoughtNow]

I've read about these on here before. Never thought I'd end up in this situation...

Been seeing a guy from old for about a month. Nothing crazy. Mostly walks and now a few meals outside.

I saw him this week and he said it was complicated. His wife still had a room in the house. But she has another place to stay with their daughter. Their daughter has autism. I don't know the details but that she finds change stressful and so they've been keeping the status quo for her sake.

Of course he said they're not sleeping together etc. It's been years.

Today I get a text from his phone from his wife. Saying they're together. That they had sex last night. She's not angry with me but I need to know he'll drop me and move on, he does this a lot etc.

This doesn't tally with stuff he's shown me about her. I don't want to go into details as it's way too obvious but he's shown me stuff that she's done which is off the scale crazy ex.

She's given me her number to call.

Wtf? I feel like I've wandered into an episode of Jeremy Kyle.

walk away from him, even if they are seperated like he says she will be a nightmare imo

You can't really know who is telling the truth tbh.
What you can do though is walk away.
It's been a month. Just leave it, that's far too much drama for a month. There are drama free, non complicated guys out there.
You don't need this.

Regardless of who is telling the truth - you don't need this kind of shit in your life.
It's either lying cheating scumbag of a bloke or crazy ex wife on the scene.
Do yourself a favour and drop him.

I would say that whether he’s a liar/she’s a liar, or she’s a crazy ex or he’s a spineless wet lettuce - whatever combination of these things is true it’s way too much drama and baggage for you to be bothering yourself with and you should run for the hills and leave them to it, whatever ‘it’ is.

@chipsandpeas

walk away from him, even if they are seperated like he says she will be a nightmare imo

Exactly. Either he is lying and you don't want someone like that, or she is lying and will make your life hell. Get out now before you're too invested.

Crazy ex that he still lives with, eh?🤔🤥
How on earth did she get your number? I would walk away from the shitshow , regardless.

Are you saying you don't know what to do?
Whether what she says 'tallys' is so far from the point it's gone to the moon and back.
He's lying she's lying - who cares?
You either want to be part of this insanity or you don't. If you do no-one can help you.
If you don't you just end the whole thing now. There are no other narratives here.

run away....This will only get worse..block both of them

If she's right he is using you, if she's wrong and he's still living with her he will be carrying so much baggage to work through following a messed up situation that he will still use as a rebound to move on.

Either way he is not a good option for you!

Exit >>> delete & block.

No good will come of this - no matter what the truth is, he should of protected you, your number and privacy. If he can’t even do that, then he’s not worth it no matter what the real situation is.

He's admitted they're still living together. After that it really doesn't matter who is telling through. Absolutely not worth it.

Move on to someone who has the space in their life to properly be with you.

*telling the truth

Delete and block him.

Ha thanks everyone.

I know. I think I mostly wrote because I just can't believe I'm in this mess... I'm quite boring normally.

She wants to know if we've had sex. If I thought this was an affair situation where I was the other woman I would. But I don't know what the hells going on here. Before this text I was actually concerned for him as she seemed quite unhinged.

Aaaargh I'm just annoyed as I quite like him. But I've been out of the dating game a while so I'm not confident at all

Tell him it's too complicated and he can get back in touch once the divorce has gone through and he no longer lives with her if he's still interested. Of course, you may have moved on by then.

Walk away either hes lying or she is either it will be a nightmare situation

Has he been in touch since ?

Sorry just to clarify. She texted me on his phone. And sent me a picture of herself to prove it was her.

She texted me her number.

I'm going to assume she's deleted her texts to me from his phone and hoping I'll call her number.

I wouldn’t reply to her, just block and just tell him it’s over, you don’t need this kind of drama and block him too.

No good will come from any if it, who is/isn’t lying doesn’t really matter - you’ve only known him a month, just move on.

Delete and block them both. There are more red flags about this than are present at a Communist Party committee meeting!.

You absolutely do not need such complications in your life particularly a mere month in. Walk away now and leave them to it, you do not need to be the third wheel here.

Oh just saw she’d text from his phone, even easier to block them both then, not your drama - just leave it

Why does he still live with her and is happy for her to care for their child if she’s so unhinged? It sounds like he’s been spinning you a pile of lies. LTB.

I wouldn't reply at all. Just walk away. As pp have said, even if they are separated she will be a nightmare

Too much drama even if they are seperated. If she is what he says she is (and usually it's bull) then he needs to focus on divorce and properly untangling before dating.

You like who you thought he was. Please try not to be upset. You have only lost the persona he put out there. His essential self was that he lied to you and cheated on his wife. Worse than that in my opinion is that he paints her as ''unhinged''. The mother of his autistic child. I find this the worst bit. To smear somebody significant in your life (even if they have split and even if she knows this, she is his x and the mother of his child).

Run. For. The. Hills.