Got a message from 'the wife'

[HoldThatThoughtNow]

I've read about these on here before. Never thought I'd end up in this situation...

Been seeing a guy from old for about a month. Nothing crazy. Mostly walks and now a few meals outside.

I saw him this week and he said it was complicated. His wife still had a room in the house. But she has another place to stay with their daughter. Their daughter has autism. I don't know the details but that she finds change stressful and so they've been keeping the status quo for her sake.

Of course he said they're not sleeping together etc. It's been years.

Today I get a text from his phone from his wife. Saying they're together. That they had sex last night. She's not angry with me but I need to know he'll drop me and move on, he does this a lot etc.

This doesn't tally with stuff he's shown me about her. I don't want to go into details as it's way too obvious but he's shown me stuff that she's done which is off the scale crazy ex.

She's given me her number to call.

Wtf? I feel like I've wandered into an episode of Jeremy Kyle.

I'd bin this off if I were you. It sounds like it has the makings of a nightmare situation. Clearly things are not 'done' with his wife and the last thing you want is to get stuck in the middle of a messy breakup.

Block and move on.

@JewelBee

You like who you thought he was. Please try not to be upset. You have only lost the persona he put out there. His essential self was that he lied to you and cheated on his wife. Worse than that in my opinion is that he paints her as ''unhinged''. The mother of his autistic child. I find this the worst bit. To smear somebody significant in your life (even if they have split and even if she knows this, she is his x and the mother of his child). Run. For. The. Hills.

Yep I agree.

Delete and block both of them.

My ex told me his ex wife was deranged and a massive issue and had texts to prove it. Except he had doctored the lot and was just a very exceptional liar.

Yes I'd delete and block him along with this number of hers perhaps too?

I agree - just far too much drama for a month why would you bother?

Thanks everyone.

@AttilaTheMeerkat that made me laugh. Yes there are red flags a go go...!

To those saying he's calling her unhinged. He has never said that. He said she has a fiery temper.

I really can't say as it's too outing. But he showed me a photo of something she'd done this week. Think tens of thousands of pounds of damage on something personal to him. It's my interpretation that she is unhinged. It was utterly vindictive.

Walk away from him.
Good point raised by Theundoingproject an ex so harshly crazy that he still let's get live with him and care for their autistic child whilst he wines and fines another woman hmmmm.......

She's telling the truth, he's lying - I bet my house on it.
Block the number ASAP.

Don’t call her. Just ignore and move on.

So many typos!

Ha, I see it's one of the most famous tricks in the book - typical bloke having an affair but forced to live with his "ex" wife for the sake of the child(ren) as they are such a good dad - also of course his "ex" is unhinged and crazy - sorry OP but this is just the textbook move from someone having an affair. Surprised he waited to drop the fact she's "crazy and unhinged" until the third date to be honest.

Get rid now.

Also I see he hasn't necessarily referred to her as unhinged but showing you off the scale crazy ex stuff - it's basically the same.

BTW, calling the ex a psycho etc is a HUGE red flag.

She has a fiery temper is totally unhinged and has caused thousands of pounds worth of deliberate damage to my property, but I'm still willing to live with her for the sake of the family. Are ye aye?

Seriously, just delete and block, but I know where my money is on who's lying.

Block them both way to much drama

Sure you don’t know who’s telling the truth but I’d bet everything I own that it’s her who is. Just seen this play out too many times. Useful ‘psycho’ ex, useful kid that doesn’t like change ‘forcing’ him to stay with his wife in the comfortable family home and a willing participant in this fantasy plus sexual partner: you. I’d get the HELL outta there mate.

How does she know about you?

@HoldThatThoughtNow

Ha thanks everyone.

I know. I think I mostly wrote because I just can't believe I'm in this mess... I'm quite boring normally.

She wants to know if we've had sex. If I thought this was an affair situation where I was the other woman I would. But I don't know what the hells going on here. Before this text I was actually concerned for him as she seemed quite unhinged.

Aaaargh I'm just annoyed as I quite like him. But I've been out of the dating game a while so I'm not confident at all

Standard crazy unhinged ez wife.

@chipsandpeas

walk away from him, even if they are seperated like he says she will be a nightmare imo

Sage advice.

never trust a man with a "crazy ex".
Top Tip!

if you believe this man youll believe anything.

Honestly no point getting involved with a guy like this. Men are ten a penny. Raise your standards

I'll echo the others. Either he is a cheater/hooking up with ex while dating you and lying about it or he is telling the truth and you will have to deal with the ex. However, very weird to live with an ex who does ££££ worth of damage to your belongings and is insanely jealous...for the sake of the kids. I'm always a bit iffy of people who live with ex but still dates.

I'd walk away. Best and worst case scenarios are both bad so I couldn't bother.

Oh god. Thank you. Seeing it all in black and white is really helping.

I would be saying the same thing to anyone who posted this. I feel like an idiot.

I don't know how she found out about me. She said she found our texts last night.

I've just had such a shit time lately. I just wanted something safe and sane.

I'd wonder why she would be texting you from his phone.

If she's got hold of his phone to send you messages and pictures, it'd take the same amount of time for her to just get your number...

Sure its not him stirring up more distrust between you and her to make sure you're firmly on his side?

Not that it matters, really –all possibilities say cut and run.

In all honestly, even if he was perfectly truthful I would walk away, you don’t want to be with a man with a crazy ex that still lives under the same roof, however reasonable the reasons for it may be.

A well taken picture can tell a thousand lies. She isn't unhinged, but she probably isn't ok either with a husband like that. Don't bring this into your life.

The "crazy, unhinged ex" seems to be a fairly common story and one I've been spun myself. Having found out that HE was a narcissist and actually the ex wasn't so crazy at all I'd be very, very wary. It took me way too long to open my eyes to this and the guy was VERY plausible.

If they're living in the house together I absolutely wouldn't be surprised if they were still sleeping together. He does it because he has easy access to someone familiar - she does it because she can get revenge on the new partner. You definitely don't want to be getting involved in this shit show.