Got a message from 'the wife'

[HoldThatThoughtNow]

I've read about these on here before. Never thought I'd end up in this situation...

Been seeing a guy from old for about a month. Nothing crazy. Mostly walks and now a few meals outside.

I saw him this week and he said it was complicated. His wife still had a room in the house. But she has another place to stay with their daughter. Their daughter has autism. I don't know the details but that she finds change stressful and so they've been keeping the status quo for her sake.

Of course he said they're not sleeping together etc. It's been years.

Today I get a text from his phone from his wife. Saying they're together. That they had sex last night. She's not angry with me but I need to know he'll drop me and move on, he does this a lot etc.

This doesn't tally with stuff he's shown me about her. I don't want to go into details as it's way too obvious but he's shown me stuff that she's done which is off the scale crazy ex.

She's given me her number to call.

Wtf? I feel like I've wandered into an episode of Jeremy Kyle.

But I have just realised she knows where and when I'll be getting my vaccination next week so she could potentially turn up. But at the moment no more texts/calls etc so I'm hoping it's all done

You could just change your appointment for peace of mind, you shouldn’t have to but at least it wouldn’t be a worry.

I have no idea why so many people are giving the OP such a hard time here, some of you lot just seem to like shouting at people for no reason

This is too much drama for just a one month relationship that consists of a few walks and meals out.

They are in a toxic relationship, whether properly separated or not, their lives are intertwined. He has brought her into your life and it is unacceptable that you are feeling harassed.

I would send him a firm message saying that this is not what you signed up for, that you would like them to both leave you alone then block them both.

I'd also change your vaccine appointment.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, OLD is full of married men and liars, you need to be suspicious and have firm boundaries in place, there are some genuine people on their too. Good luck OP

I have zero fresh advice, just sorry you have been through so much and are still going through a tough time.

There is light on the other side of all this

Keep going you sound like a wonderful mum

@HoldThatThoughtNow

Thanks everyone.

@AttilaTheMeerkat that made me laugh. Yes there are red flags a go go...!

To those saying he's calling her unhinged. He has never said that. He said she has a fiery temper.

I really can't say as it's too outing. But he showed me a photo of something she'd done this week. Think tens of thousands of pounds of damage on something personal to him. It's my interpretation that she is unhinged. It was utterly vindictive.

So basically she found out he's been cheating and damaged something of his, the contacted you to tell you that weren't living seperate lives like he told you. He's a cheat and the minute he said she lives at home you should walked away. Every cheat claims they live seperate lives for the sake of the kids, when truth is, they live a married life and he's just cheating scum

What is his version of events after she text you

Wander out again, quick sharp.

OP, you do have to tread carefully with OLD. So many people on there are not what they claim to be. I think you know you need to walk away from this for your own sake.

I was also chatting to a guy from OLD and had swapped numbers and chatted for a fair while on Whatsapp. Same old, separated, two kids, finalizing divorce etc. The convo just went a bit dry and I didnt think any more of it, until a few weeks ago. I got a message from his number asking who I was, where did I meet X etc. It was so obvious that it was his wife or partner who had stumbled across me saved in his phone. I just ignored it and a few hours later I was blocked. (I didnt message i just saw his photo had disappeared).

I am sorry to read that you have had a tough time lately. Even more of a reason to not get involved in other folks drama. (and it seems really dramatic).

The poor wife. It sounds like he has previous form for this.
Block her number and block his number.

@MintyMabel

Then a few days later he sends the picture of it completely smashed up. In his locked garage. In his gated community. He couldn't have driven it there.

He could have smashed it up himself.

Oh FFS.

Block him. Block her.

Keep walking and don't look back.

Seriously.

Regardless of if he's still sleeping with her or not, he's living with her and she still has access to his phone, therefore he's not in a healthy position to start a new relationship yet. I'd walk away and if he's telling the truth it may give him the push to separate properly, if not then you've dodged a bullet.

It sounds like she could start harassing you. You’ll never know the true details but what is clear is that you don’t want to get caught up in it.