Polly and her Dollies continue to improve in every way

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe it, but here we are on Thread 5!

Thread 4 here

Just back from a 4.5 mile run - bit cold this morning! I’ve sea monkeys growing in the kitchen, soaps hardening in the bathroom, and the carpets are full of glitter. They had a great weekend!

The thumb also seems to be improving. Phew.

All on today to prep for tomorrow’s meeting with Geller. He really does seem broken. But I will not waiver.

Hope everyone had a good weekend and all health ailments are on the mend. Time to slap on some moisturiser - caught the sun this weekend - but look much better for it!

[quote RandomMess]@Doidontimmm it's actually more about the way he asks. There is never a straightforward "would you be able to have the girls on X, if. It let me know ASAP and I'll sort out childcare"

It's also because he was adamant he wanted to do 50:50 yet expects Polly to sort it all out.

That his job is ever so important so Polly should just say yes and every request is framed as if he is super ultra reasonable and loads it with emotional blackmail.

I do agree though Polly needs to decide what she wants longer term.[/quote]
Agree with this. It's never a genuine is this possible request. It is really framed as an expectation that she can and should do as she's told.

I’m just thinking of Polly going forward, as much as you want to say no… believe me I’ve been there, it’s easier to grit teeth an say yes IF it suits as then it is easier if you need to ask.

My two are now adult & late teens but he has decided to be arsey about the dog we shae now!

I guess it depends if Polly wants to always have first refusal, or if she'd prefer he organises alternative childcare where possible?

Maybe she could say that for now we need to stick with arranging childcare on our own days so that we can assess whether 50:50 is really practical or not. In the future, hopefully we could become more flexible?

Thinking about it, maybe it would be useful to spell it out now?

It's Geller's responsibility to organise childcare on his time, and Polly no longer has to fit her schedule around his work commitments. Occasional flexibility is ok, but more than once a month (?) and he'll need to source alternative childcare.

I think Polly needs to present to him how he is not coping with 60:40 and that he needs to accept 70:30 and pay the extra cost to her.

Letting him ride roughshod over the current agreement, whereby he chops and changed his days as he likes taking over Pollys days as they’re more convenient. Will not work in the long run.

It’s not working now.

Eg he doesn’t want the DC on his days but he wants them on Pollys instead because it’s convenient for him.
Polly is happy to have the girls but doesn’t want him taking them on her designated day.

So the accommodating isn’t working purely because there’s one person making demands and only one person doing all the accommodating.

has he even addressed what he thinks he is going to do in the school holidays? Has it even occurred to him that school stops

I will reply on the Geller stuff tomorrow, I’m not in the mood to even think about him right now!

DI Dishy just left…all is good. Veeeery good. 😁Dog walk, interlude, bath together, interlude, dinner at amazing pub where when I got excited about seeing Miraval rose on the menu he ordered me a pichet, then I had prawns then crab, followed by dog walk with lots of snogging, then home for a triple interlude with backward somersault and twist dismount…!

Thank god for Bailey Brown and my yoga is all I can say. I never knew I was quite so bendy.

I’ve got to run either 4 or 5 miles tomorrow. Wish me and my ransacked loins good luck!!

PS I’m incredibly sexy and erotic, apparently. Who knew? Just bought a pair of white jeans on Vinted to celebrate!

Go you! Pom poms waving 🎆🎉💐👌

@Doidontimmm

Long time lurker & Im right behind you 100% but…. Is there a harm asking with lots of notice to change a date? Would you prefer he asked someone else before you? I don’t have a great relationship with my ex but we both helped each other out from time to time. I’m not sure what the issue is with him asking, unless you want him to ask other friends & family first.

This. Much though I agree his wording is still Polly as default will fix it ("they'll need to return to you") Polly has said she's happy to / would like first refusal for childcare. He's offering her first refusal for childcare for his a day well in advance. I don't think this one is that bad...?

all is good. Veeeery good. 😁Dog walk, interlude, bath together, interlude, dinner at amazing pub where when I got excited about seeing Miraval rose on the menu he ordered me a pichet, then I had prawns then crab, followed by dog walk with lots of snogging, then home for a triple interlude with backward somersault and twist dismount…!

Gosh Polly! Phew! I'm not jealous AT ALL! No sireee - not me! 😅

Yay DI Dishy!!!
As for Geller… Girl’s welfare needs to be considered above his work needs. They can’t be swapped around constantly to suit him. It’s stressful - especially for DD2 who needs regular routine in her life. He can GTF and adjust maintenance to more practical and workable arrangement that offers stable home life (with you, obvs.)

@Newestname001

all is good. Veeeery good. 😁Dog walk, interlude, bath together, interlude, dinner at amazing pub where when I got excited about seeing Miraval rose on the menu he ordered me a pichet, then I had prawns then crab, followed by dog walk with lots of snogging, then home for a triple interlude with backward somersault and twist dismount…!

Gosh Polly! Phew! I'm not jealous AT ALL! No sireee - not me! 😅

Nor me Oh no not at all

🥳🥳🥳 so made up for you though, you deserve this!!

Meh I’m green

It sounds like you and DI Dishy are doing just fine and have healthy boundaries in your relationship. What a huge change that is!

Very sensible to compartmentalise your life like this - get 100% enjoyment first, then back to the joys of dealing with FFSGeller.

Not sure about the white jeans though - every time I try to wear white, it gets covered in either creosote or blood. Always those two things, no idea why, so I've given up on white.

Erm, is it just me with the legs crossed ? Interlude, bath, interlude, more interlude. Sending love to those loins www.angelakilmartin.com/

Just in case. Sorry to be the killjoy.

@TheSandgroper

Erm, is it just me with the legs crossed ? Interlude, bath, interlude, more interlude. Sending love to those loins www.angelakilmartin.com/

Just in case. Sorry to be the killjoy.

😂😂😂😂😂

👍🏻👍🏻😂😂😁😁💜🤦🏼‍♀️

Good on you!

Thing is he is not giving Polly first refusal, he is demanding that she swap her days which Polly does not need or want changing.

He is taking the piss, he seems to see the contact schedule as something he can pick and choose, Polly will do the days he doesn't fancy then he can have the girls when it suits him regardless of whether they are supposed to be with Polly and she has plans with the girls or not.

Polly can offer him first refusal if she needs childcare unexpectedly, but neither parent can demand the other change their day and schedule to suit themselves.

Glad you had fun with DI Dishy, long may it continue

Love the DI dishy updates! Go OP!!

It's not even offer first refusal it's the assumption she is default child carer.

He is so irritating!!

I always had a flexible arrangement with my ex. There was never any "mu super important job" top trumps.

Hi Polly,
The real question for you to think about is: do you want to go for 70/30 or some other split, or do you want to keep the current split and over time train him to follow the proper expectations?
Which will be the harder battle to fight?
More importantly, which would you actually prefer in the long run after the battling is over?

Best of luck

He’s untrainable… two wives have tried and failed before you.

Perhaps the answer to G's 'request' is something along the lines of 'it looks as if 50/50 doesn't work for you so perhaps we need to go to 70/30 and you won't need to worry about arranging things for that Thursday after all.'