Polly and her Dollies continue to improve in every way

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe it, but here we are on Thread 5!

Thread 4 here

Just back from a 4.5 mile run - bit cold this morning! I’ve sea monkeys growing in the kitchen, soaps hardening in the bathroom, and the carpets are full of glitter. They had a great weekend!

The thumb also seems to be improving. Phew.

All on today to prep for tomorrow’s meeting with Geller. He really does seem broken. But I will not waiver.

Hope everyone had a good weekend and all health ailments are on the mend. Time to slap on some moisturiser - caught the sun this weekend - but look much better for it!

Stick to your agreed schedule. We’re away that weekend so the picnic will have to be another day. No apologies. If you give in now you will be organising yourself around his plans forever.

I agree you need to stick to your plans for now, keep those boundaries strong!

At a later date (I would say as part of court hearing but who knows when that would be?) it would be useful to agree these types of days in advance. We always ensure that DC are with mum/dad for Mother’s/Father’s Day even if it means swapping.
Christmases/NY also change a little, and definitely potential for a difficult conversation to get agreed a pattern, but worth it. Some parents alternate Xmas Day every year, others do always Mum Xmas Day/Dad Boxing Day etc - so at some point starting to think about what pattern would be best for your DC.

You have been doing a fantastic job Polly!

I love how he going to 'try' to book a National Trust slot.

In other words he going to do sweet FA and blame every one else for his incompetence.

@Clutterbugsmum

I love how he going to 'try' to book a National Trust slot.

In other words he going to do sweet FA and blame every one else for his incompetence.

I expect most places will be booking up quickly for Father’s Day anyway which will help his victim narrative…

Reply
This is my weekend I have made firm plans which cannot be changed.

Can I suggest that we ensure that we come to a pre agreed arrangement for special dates such as this for the future.
Also please do not discuss with dc any plans on days they are with me without discussing it with me first. It is confusing and upsetting for them.

He really is a jerk......"The girls would like to come here for Fathers Day",
when he asked them if they wanted to ! knowing full well the date !!!!! & full well it fell on your w/e.
I would reply I have already made plans for that w/e, suggest you do it the w/e before or after. its just a date on the calendar after all

"Father's Day which I believe is Sunday week"......my own parents are long gone, but I am fully aware of Father's Day because of posters in shops, TV adverts, etc. I am also well aware of how far in advance significant dates have to be booked up.
It might be different if he had contacted you well in advance with, "Looking ahead, I'd really like to arrange something for Father's Day."
His message sounds more like, "Can you magic up a special arrangement for me, as I'm too busy and important." He's still expecting you to fall into the PA role.
He also needs reminding that you should be consulted before he makes promises to them that may be impossible to keep, for purely practical reason.

Any response needs to be very short.

"We're away so you will have to go on your usual time with them"

?

Hopefully after 20 or 30 messages with you saying "no you can't take my time with the girls" he might start to realise he can't take your time with the girls?

He just doesn't improve at all does he? Is he still sending lots of messages when they are with him? Or has that calmed down a bit now?

Ahahahahahaha

I haven’t replied re Fathers Day. I’m busy.

He’s just sent:

This is a long range date change, but came to my mind as I was dealing with work.

Thursday X September. I can do pick up, swimming, supper, but they’ll need to return to you because Fri 10 Sept is Important Client Event and I’ll need to be at head office quite early. Is that ok.

He’s not getting it, is he?

I’m ignoring all messages when they are with him, I turn on flight mode to read and check they’re not hurt - so he has no idea I’ve read them.

He really isn't getting it...

He really doesn't get that the dc are his responsibility on his days. That includes sorting additional childcare if he has work commitments he can't change 🥱

'Gellar, as stated in my previous messages, if you are unable to provide care for the dc whilst they are with you, you need to arrange for alternative childcare. I will of course help out when I can, in an emergency, however as you know well in advance at this stage, it doesn't constitute an emergency and allows you ample time to arrange alternative care'

Or simply put, sort your own fucking life out you fuckwit

Wow… the tone of voice. What… a…knob. You’re away then too, right?

FFS Gellar.

"It sounds like you are not able to commit to the 40% residency you insisted on? You need to sort out childcare on your time with them."

God I want to twat him over the head with a shovel

'I will help where I can in an emergency, but as you know you're tied up on that day, please arrange childcare.'

@RandomMess

FFS Gellar.

"It sounds like you are not able to commit to the 40% residency you insisted on? You need to sort out childcare on your time with them."

This is what I’d respond with after a few more emails from him demanding date changes.

Just print and store in a file labeled “he needs to pay me more”

Reading Geller's antics makes me realise my own arsehat husband is amateur in comparison :)

I can only echo the other suggestions: remind him it's his responsibility, cover in emergency if you are happy to, but if he wants then to claw back on one of your days then "sorry that doesn't work for me".

He can't actually manage the 40% can he. Might have to work on 30% and pay accordingly :D

Enjoy your Father's Day weekend away :)

Long time lurker & Im right behind you 100% but…. Is there a harm asking with lots of notice to change a date? Would you prefer he asked someone else before you? I don’t have a great relationship with my ex but we both helped each other out from time to time. I’m not sure what the issue is with him asking, unless you want him to ask other friends & family first.

@Doidontimmm it's actually more about the way he asks. There is never a straightforward "would you be able to have the girls on X, if. It let me know ASAP and I'll sort out childcare"

It's also because he was adamant he wanted to do 50:50 yet expects Polly to sort it all out.

That his job is ever so important so Polly should just say yes and every request is framed as if he is super ultra reasonable and loads it with emotional blackmail.

I do agree though Polly needs to decide what she wants longer term.

Yeah I do understand that, my ex is really bad at communicating and comes across like an arse but life is never simple so I do think flexibility on both sides helps long term. I’ve learned to just see past the shit communication style and agree or not and ignore all the nonsense, easier for me years down the line though.

"Ignore the nonsense" yep once you've emotionally detached from them and their crapness that is a million times easier!!

So that's 3 dates he has asked to change in 2 day........