Polly and her Dollies continue to improve in every way

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe it, but here we are on Thread 5!

Thread 4 here

Just back from a 4.5 mile run - bit cold this morning! I’ve sea monkeys growing in the kitchen, soaps hardening in the bathroom, and the carpets are full of glitter. They had a great weekend!

The thumb also seems to be improving. Phew.

All on today to prep for tomorrow’s meeting with Geller. He really does seem broken. But I will not waiver.

Hope everyone had a good weekend and all health ailments are on the mend. Time to slap on some moisturiser - caught the sun this weekend - but look much better for it!

Oh @SortingItOut it is absolutely not your suggestion that led to this! And you weren't the first - my friends have also been suggesting it. Please don't apologise, you've no need to. And no, there was absolutely nothing I did that I didn't want to - we both kept checking in that the other one was ok and he asked my consent.

Yes, we had discussions about being FWB and being honest and respectful and kind. We both have faith and go to church (he's more spiritual than I am) and espoused the same values.

I agree he has been honest and I'm pleased he hasn't ghosted me but he hasn't been kind.

I'm sorry @StuckInPollyannaMode, that's the last thing you need.

I think he took the weekend to consider what he wanted and let you know but if he knew on Thursday or Friday that he didn't want to follow up them he should have been clearer earlier.

His message makes me wonder if he either has feelings for his ex or already has a FWB.

Keeping emotion and feelings out of sex is hard, my heart is made of stone after 17yrs of crap and so I found it easy but there is something about being knocked back that affects your confidence regardless.

I’m not sure what he means about his conscience being pricked?

@Welshgal85 I'm taking it to mean he regrets the whole sleeping with me thing and feels guilty about it.

Another puzzling message! He is not the best communicator.

Does: 'conscience being pricked' suggest that he is not single or that sex without marriage is not compatible with his faith?

Sorry you have been hurt OP. Despite his great talent, he does sound like more of a complication than you need right now.

maybe it’s because you’re legally still married?
If he’s religious/ spiritual that might be rubbing on his conscious as well as it being before marriage and all that... I don’t know, it’s shit.

Here is something from my experience... A lot of religious men have a serious Madonna/Whore thing going on...

Oh Polly

Well, either he is just a dick who is just making excuses

or he knew he had issues about dtd beforehand (and went ahead with you, anyway ) which makes him a manipulative dick

or he thought he was ok with his conscience, but now he's actually dtd with you, he realises he isn't?

Either way, he doesn't deserve you!

Oh Polly, you shine like a beacon! I still can't do the emoji thing, but I CAN do text speak!! LOLO LOL LOL!! You are not only a woman to be respected, for your children, you are also a woman to be respected for women. Thank you for that. I wasn't brave enough, sadly.

My song, to go to, is Labi Siffre, Something Inside So Strong xx I think, originally, it was about Apharteid (spelling??) but I think also applies to us women chaps
Polly and your Dollies xx keep going x I know I can't give you cake and things, but please know, I am supporting you, all the way!! Except muddy puddles, obviously. I live in the Fens. Have you seen the size of our moles? Cunningly disguised as Mick George.

Oh, Justilou1, I'm disappointed. That's not like you x
Not all men are bad.
Some are Morris Dancers.
LOL!!

Even if he's had second thoughts, it's not for him to place his "conscience" on you. It's like he's trying to make you feel shit about an entirely consensual encounter.

Don't let him.

I'd be tempted to reply something like...

I'm sorry you're having doubts about everything, because I don't have any regrets. Thanks for your offer of friendship but that doesn't really work for me. No hard feelings.

And then leave it.

((Hugs))

OH!!! LOL!! I must share this with you people!! LOL LOL LOL!!
I hope that it makes you smile xx
I have applied for a job at Hotel Chocolat!! LOL!
I hate chocolate!
Why should we employ you?
I hate chocolate. I won't be eating your profits.
Brown smelly stuff. Yuk Yuk Yuk. Bleurggh!

Excellent Bob. That really made me titter!

And, thank you for all the support, I am not a scrounger. I bought my Domes Day book myself, from my pension, so no impact on anyone.
I didn't know that there's a Little Domesday Book! FFS! Essex, Sussex, Woo!
Who? What, would you like me to look up? Those people, that field, that can take 1 plough? Fascinating. Thank you xx I hate chocolate, but love this stuff!! Thank you xxx Anything? It won't help with ancestry stuff, I need to look at the Glossary of Terms. .

Well I've texted. He's read it.

That's that. I've at least dealt with it with grace and dignity.

Good luck with your application @BobISMyUncle - send me the chocolate you don't eat!

Excellent work Polly - you can walk away knowing you did nothing wrong💕

OH! Not who, where! This is fascinating! It's been translated into English, that I can understand, not Middle English, that I can't, but would like to. Geoffrey Chaucer LOL! I earned a £15 fine (which I paid, through the letterbox) for having Canterbury Tales, too long.
Samuel Pepys, I've read his diaries. Grubby Little Oik. Some people (not me) think that Samuel Pepys was, because of his diary, was an historical genius.
Polly!! You go! I'm having a brief moment, but you keep on keeping on xx

Two good friends have both said the same thing which has really made me think. That the loneliness I feel and is crushing isn't actually anything to do with DYD/the future. It's to do with the fact that actually I was terribly lonely in our marriage and I haven't had a true partner for a long time.

Two other friends have also said that I should just chalk it up to experience and acknowledge it but don't let it define me, it was just an experience. That it's not good to be let down but that's all it was. And I should get back on Bumble.

Really?!

Maybe give it a bit of a pause. I think there's a difference in being lonely in a bad relationship and being emotionally self-sufficient and able to be content when in a state of solitude. The latter is a position of strength, from which you can go out there and grab what you want, secure in the knowledge that you have a safe place inside yourself to go back to. It might take you some time to get to that state where loneliness becomes self sufficiency.

Polly, may I suggest that you take some time out? Learn about yourself? You are such a strong person, but I don't know that YOU know that, yet. You do not need sex to validate yourself. You're newly separated. I'm not an expert at all. Far from it. I'm old and decrepit. Well, not THAT decrepit! LOL! I can only suggest, step away. Step away, from the sex thing, please. It's not a race.
You do such a good job, of blinding not only us, but yourself. Your runs? The exercise thing? I can hear your hurt. Please, take some time, for you. Your hurt is screaming to me. You WILL heal, I promise.

I think when you have a connection with someone in passing then yes it makes the lack of connection more crushing unless you are truly content band emotionally resilient in yourself.

Personally I think it's why casual sex can be emotionally hurtful for me. I'm just not/never have been in a "healthy enough" place.

Not judging or criticising anyone else choices. I just learnt the hard way that I'm too vulnerable.

Oh gosh! I think I’ve not written it down well - I’m HORRIFIED by the suggestion and nothing is further from what I will be doing!!

I need to take time to heal and work on myself. Focus on work and the kids and finding me again.

This too, will pass. I promise.