Polly and her Dollies continue to improve in every way

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe it, but here we are on Thread 5!

Thread 4 here

Just back from a 4.5 mile run - bit cold this morning! I’ve sea monkeys growing in the kitchen, soaps hardening in the bathroom, and the carpets are full of glitter. They had a great weekend!

The thumb also seems to be improving. Phew.

All on today to prep for tomorrow’s meeting with Geller. He really does seem broken. But I will not waiver.

Hope everyone had a good weekend and all health ailments are on the mend. Time to slap on some moisturiser - caught the sun this weekend - but look much better for it!

Good to know about the dove emoji. That’s a new one on me.

Can you head off your parents about meals with "whilst I'm on my own and the DDs are struggling meals need to be kept short and simple I'll just dish up in the kitchen"

Actually after lockdown tell them you are desperate to eat out and have a break from cooking and clearing up so it will x day 1, y day 2 & z day 3,

New house and new dynamics great time to implement new things with them too

@RandomMess’s plan is perfect, but warn the girls ahead of time that this is going to happen so they don’t feel bad!

I'm even thinking

I want to support local restaurants

DDs need practice at eating out again after so long

Feign illness and go to bed one tea time and leave them all to it 😂 do you get migraines?

Thank you Polly. It's difficult right now but I won't clog your thread up with it. I'm just so in awe of you! If I could ask one question: how did you handle or deal with the girls being away from you? My two are a lot younger and they've never been away from me and I hate that I'm going to lose them for so much time.

Another shite nights sleep. Hey ho. Kept busy yesterday but still made sure I had some downtime.

I’m hurting and bewildered and questioning so much stuff.

Pulled myself together for dinner with friends, having made a rather lopsided salted caramel cake for pudding. Really nice evening but I was glad to come home.

Washing is on and I’m going to do my Pilates. Just got to keep going but feeling achingly empty. Seeing friends for elevenses and another friend for a walk after lunch.

@Jokie feel free to pm me, I’m sorry it’s tough for you.

Re the kids...I maintain a matter of fact attitude to it (in front of them). I tell them what the arrangements are and make sure they know what’s happening. They are free to ring/FaceTime either of us when they are with the other although we try to steer clear of that as in the early days it was unsettling for all of us. I am never rude about Geller in their hearing, I won’t even have a bitchfest on the phone once they are asleep, I save that for nights they aren’t here. I back him up and they see us being civil to each other. I don’t play games - if there’s a joint decision to be made I say I must speak to Daddy - they can’t play us off against each other.

It takes immense force of will to do all that mind.

When I haven’t got them, the first thing I do is clean and tidy the house so their stuff isn’t lying all over the place because that makes it harder for me. That way the house becomes an adult space, plus it’s much nicer! I keep busy and make sure I have at least one activity a day planned, preferably with someone, plus I’ll fit in some me time or jobs like going to the tip as well as a walk / coffee.

It is hard but you do adjust. I’m ok with up to 3 days, after that they and I struggle a bit, but we’re getting there.

Hope that helps.

@StuckInPollyannaMode... juggling people is bloody hard. I was thinking last night (when I couldn’t sleep - is it the moon?) that for some reason when it is female friends that hurt or betray us, we are cut more deeply in someways than when our husbands/boyfriends/lovers do - we expect more from women, don’t we? I hope the friend situation isn’t a defection to the Geller camp or a betrayal of trust in that general direction. (Suspect it is so... always did, tbh...)

Also - be aware of people who enjoy living in your drama. Thy are often playing both sides!

Can you not hide all the extra tableware and crockery and hint a bit sadly that some things (the extra spoons, ramekins, serving dishes, etc) had to be left with Gellar?

'Yes. It's surprising what people will want to fight over during a separation. Ramekins, pensions, potato mashers...'

Also, when your parents visit - uncover traditional Greek genes. Smash the fucking crockery

I really admire the way you are handling your girls. They will grow up and realise how much hard work you did to maintain their relationship with their Dad, despite how difficult he was.

Also, I meant to say that you might just have the most beautiful hands that I have ever seen. Are you a hand model? (You should be!!!)

Ahhh @Justilou1 thank you but no I’m not! And the friend thing has nothing to do with Geller at all, thankfully

Thank you too @Lougle that’s really kind of you

I’m not smashing my china - it’s Le Creuset and Sophie Conran 🤣 I will hide some of the dishes though, that’s a great suggestion

Still nothing from DYD. I cracked at 2pm and sent him a text asking how his weekend was going. He read it instantly and hasn’t replied. God knows what’s going on.

Otherwise having another difficult day re divorce stuff. I’ve walked and seen friends and treated myself to some lovely flowers.

It’s not helping.

I'm pretty sure it is helping - you just can't feel the benefit yet

OP, this too shall pass. Up and downs are normal and to be expected in any life, and especially in one which has had ‘complications’ like yours.
Keep the faith x

You didn’t kill anyone - it helped!!!

You’re doing so well, Pollyanna. Keep going my lovely...

Ok. Practical suggestions for catering (aside from hiding ramekins...saucers etc) would be to get at least one meal from Cook. They used to have dishes you could slide their frozen meals into, or get a quiche/ tart and salad.

Alternatively, cook a roasting tin meal, and serve in roasting tin...as per the picture! I’m sure between us, we can produce some some simple recipes for you.

I hope you managed a decent nights sleep.

On difficult days you need to accept them, embrace them and then hopefully discard them even if it takes a few days.
You are doing nothing wrong, its just the way the brain processes information.

I hope DYD has replied by now.

I woke up to a message from him this morning.

Morning...busy day...hope your weekend went well. My conscience has been pricked and I feel I can't continue physically Polly. I need to be honest and respectful...Hopefully see you soon. Much love DYD

At least I know now hey?

I'm going to respond, later today or tomorrow. I don't want it to drag on. I don't want to ghost him or be a shit but I also want him to know that this isn't on.

I'm going to say:

I appreciate your honesty. I'm too hurt right now to be friends. I hope you find what you are looking for. Polly

Because, really, what more is there to say?

I'm so incredibly hurt and I have cried so much. I feel disrespected and taken advantage of. I'm off Bumble, I'm clearly not ready for this.

Time to focus on me and the kids.

I'm seeing the doc on Friday and I'm going to ask for Champix to help me stop smoking.

Plenty more where that guy came from. He was just a test drive. Now, @StuckInPollyannaMode.... Aunty J is going to give a little bit of advice. (And some personal info about where I have been working lately.) I have been working in a sexual health clinic. Yes, I am in Australia and our lockdown hasn’t been as long or as strict as yours, but in the six month strict lockdown when people were sneaking out for a bit of nookie, they obviously weren’t as careful as they should have been. Our statistics are just catching up. In the heterosexual community alone there has been a 220% rise in women infected with syphilis, amongst other things. Please use name-brand condoms with nonoxynol-9 treatment. Things are icky out there.
Lecture over. You can still have fun!

Sorry Honey - must have been typing at the same time! What a shit! I hope his Willy falls off!
Good idea with the Champix, kiddo!!! Your hair will smell amazing!!!

That's shitty of him. But it's his loss. Probably not a bad idea to stay off the dating game for a while though, especially if you're going to take on the task of giving up the cigs as well.

Bloody men.

We used Durex - I'll go check the packet now!! That is a terrifying statistic.

I didn't know hair smelling nice was a thing from Champix but I'll take it

At least I know. Which fits more with who I thought he was. But do I need another friend in my life? One that I'm attracted to but is emotionally unavailable? No. Because then I'll end up hanging on.

It's a real shame he didn't say that on Friday or Saturday and then a lot of the hurt could have been avoided.

Its fine to cry about the DYD situation, you gave casual sex a try and it hasnt worked out this time.
I'm concerned about your comment that you feel taken advantage of - did you feel forced in to having sex with him? I hope you dont mean it how I have read it and that you think he befriended you just to have sex with you.

We do have to give him credit for being honest and not ghosting you. Quite what that message means is another thing all together.
I would rather he be honest about things than use you.

Over on the dating thread people have been looking for relationships and after 5 dates had sex and then been dumped so this is nothing you have done.

I agree that there is no need to be friends, you have enough friends already.
Did you have discussions about being FWB or was the meeting up just a trial?
If you didnt have the discussion I wouldn't tell him you feel hurt (just in case he's a weirdo who gets off on meeting women having sex and then dumping them)

Good idea to concentrate on yourself, your family and friends - and there is always Lovehoney when the urge takes you.

I would also like to apologise for suggesting you join a dating site to meet someone ☹