Polly and her Dollies continue to improve in every way

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe it, but here we are on Thread 5!

Thread 4 here

Just back from a 4.5 mile run - bit cold this morning! I’ve sea monkeys growing in the kitchen, soaps hardening in the bathroom, and the carpets are full of glitter. They had a great weekend!

The thumb also seems to be improving. Phew.

All on today to prep for tomorrow’s meeting with Geller. He really does seem broken. But I will not waiver.

Hope everyone had a good weekend and all health ailments are on the mend. Time to slap on some moisturiser - caught the sun this weekend - but look much better for it!

Congratulations to everyone having great sex! I'm not at all jealous.

Not a sentence I've ever written before

All I can say is thank you, I know that I'm a small person. Having said that, I refuse to be intimidated by larger people. It doesn't always work, sadly. I got it horribly wrong once, when I was 17. It was the only time I lied, usefully.
Polly!
And your Dollies! Keep going xx I still can't work out how to use the emoji things, so reverting to text speak. Shame on me x

We all need to remain happy, don't we?

I've just bought The Domesday Book. It's hugely interesting, but quite boring as well. I hated History at school. Especially Mr Griffiths, the History teacher, who was old enough to have been there. He was well old and wrinkly. And actually whacked me in the face with a book, because I blew a bubble gum bubble.
It was, to this day, the best bubble gum bubble ever!
When Mr Griffiths whacked me in the face, it popped (obviously) all over my face, it stuck to everything. My mum had to cut it out of my hair. My dad went mad, because I'd been hit in the face with a book by a teacher. Nothing good became of it. I still blow bubble gum bubbles, even with chewing gum, but they are sad replicas. The moral to this story is, rise above everything! Poly!! Keep going xx
And apologies, for the x things. I still can't do the emoji thing.

Gosh. Sorry, I'm SO behind, keeping up with this, not your fault. It's a Mum thing.
I have no useful advice, except check everything, as much as you can. I'm not on facebook, or twitter, or any other thing that gives access to me. I live in fear and dread of Long Lost Family stuff. I do not want to be found! It's a dad thing, even now, over 20 years later. Sadly, because I'm not on facebook, or anything else, it creates issues, I can't be looked up or looked at.

I remain, very happily, anonymous to any siblings and their various offspring. I hope. If not, I hope that I will deal with it in a sensible manner. LOL LOL LOL!! I feel another biggest bubble gum bubble ever moment coming on! AND! No one needs to know that I had a head injury, and that MN allowed me back, after my appalling behaviour, (head injury related) and an explanation. Sorry. I digress, again.

Sorry. Really sorry. I'm babbling. My sister has died. Lung cancer. How did that happen? she never smoked,. She was an identical twin. Shit happens.

@Justilou1 it wasn't all bad, I promise. Polly, I haven't really gone through anything. I was just being a Mum person. It's what we do. The ex, however! LOL LOL! I had not only his next person, to deal with!! LOL! When I had to ring him, to change the time of his pick up, she answered, and when I asked to speak to him I was told, no, sorry, he's not here, he's working late. I tried to be well behaved, I promise. Sadly, my mouth let me down. I'm trying to deal with that. Shutting up stuff.

I was told by He Who Must Be Obeyed that I needed Elocution Lessons. I asked if that was because I needed to be able to tell him, in a posh voice, to tell him to fuck off.

I thank goodness, that you women people have so many more opportunities than many others. There are still, sadly, even in 2021, changes to be made. The equality thing. What equality thing is that, exactly? That we get hairy? OH! The Yorkshire Vet is about to deman me

@StuckInPollyannaMode so oddly chuffed for you after your last update

Its a brave new world!

Sending you a HUGE hug @BobISMyUncle. 🌹

@StuckInPollyannaMode: I posted on an earlier thread that I was in Gellar's position and was following your post to try and understand.... Well... I've been lurking since and seeing your development and change has been so refreshing and wonderful to see.

I really hope that I can have an ounce of your spirit and hope!

@BobISMyUncle ❤💐 Bug hugs x

Oh @BobISMyUncle I’m so sorry about your sister.

@Jokie how are you getting on? Nice to see you again.

Well my insomnia is back. May have come on a bit strong last night to DYD. I’m not sure. Anyway. Leaving that now. I’m not asking to see him again, that’s up to him. I do not need to be needy. It was just so lovely.

Running and yoga and time with friends today. If I can ever get some sleep.

My anxiety is through the roof. Insomnia is back.

Spoke to SHL, basically the law is the law and what he has suggested in terms of pension provision is so miserly as to be insulting. The onus is on him to argue why he should depart from equality, not on me to prove why I want it.

So I’ve emailed him to say what she and I agreed, and he needs to consult with his solicitor and come back with a reasonable offer or we will see him in court.

My parents, god love them, have offered to pay my legal fees.

I’ve also got 2 very dear friends unravelling and work going nuts. I’m starting to get a bit anxious about half term - the girls are going to MILs with Geller for 3 nights and I’m worried what she will say in front of them. Then my parents are coming down. Which will be lovely but comes with its own pressures.

It’s all a bit nuts and overwhelming.

Sorry that your insomnia is back but understandable given you spoke to SHL and thst has always been a trigger for you. Plus of course everything else which is worrying you.

I'm so pleased she has your back, Geller will be apoplectic with rage after thinking he had managed to persuade you not to take his pension.
Bless your parents, they know you've got a fight on your hands.

I'm sure you were not too strong for DYD.
Messaging him to meet again is not needy, it shows you have needs (sex) that he can meet.
Have you followed up with any kind of text?
When I met people I always sent a text, if the sex was bad I would thank them for meeting me, if the sex was great I thanked them as above and asked to meet again.

Can we help on here with any of the things which have overwhelmed you?
Do you want to say specifically what is worrying you and we may have words of wisdom to impart?
Or could you write it all down as a mind dump and see if that helps?

I hope you manage a good day today🤗

As the saying goes "don't borrow trouble from tomorrow". Yes half term is likely to be stressful but you cannot change that, just accept it will be what it will be and focus on one day at a time. You will get through the next few weeks. Take time for yourself. Remember you can be there for your friends but you don't need to carry their problems with you, those really can be compartmentalised. Hope you get some more sleep.

@BobISMyUncle hugs and so sorry about your sister too

Polly it's good the SHL has your back and shows that Gellar really has tried to weasel out of all things financial and has NEVER valued your contribution towards the marriage and girls. DD1 is likely to be dependent way beyond 18 and that needs factoring in too.

Glad the sex was good! Disappointing sex is just grim.

Half term will be fine the DDs will either say something to MIL or tell you to offload. Gellar will possibly rant and rave by text etc about the DDs not being perfect performing seals block and ignore!!!

Are you up to your parents visiting?

Sorry about your friends situation you can support without taking it on board - takes practice and I'm rubbish it myself 😂😂😂🙄🙄

I’ve done some yoga, been for a run and picked up the paper. Borrowing a friends dogs for a walk this afternoon.

Spoke to a friend overseas this morning. Poor girl. She got my full on snotty rant.

I do have to compartmentalise the friend issues. They’re complicated and not my story to tell, but one involves a lot of dishonesty, including with me, and I’m struggling with that. I will deal with it in the fullness of time.

I don’t really know if I’m up to seeing my parents if I’m honest. But I can’t cancel, they would be so terribly disappointed and the girls are desperate to see them too. It’s just that having them to stay is an effort - my mother is old school hyacinth bucket and my father can’t hear anything - they are lovely people but every dish in the house will be used at every single meal and they take an hour to go through the bathroom so by the time breakfast is done half the morning has gone. They’re not exactly restful! You’re right though, don’t borrow trouble and worry about it yet.

What else is troubling me...money. Geller. The fact that I feel so sad and angry out of nowhere, like I wasted ten years of opportunities and life and the only thing I’ve got to show for it is my beautiful children. It feels like I’ve been living a very small life. I feel like he’s taken me for a mug for the past decade and I’m so cross with myself that I couldn’t see it. His attitude to money and the settlement. How fucking unreasonable he is.

I’m tired, which isn’t helping.

DYD thing - the sex was mind blowingly good. He messaged the next morning to say he’d had a lovely evening, thank you. I messaged back similarly. In the evening (because we’d kind of discussed it) I messaged him on my way home from supper asking him if he wanted me to detour - an hour later he came back saying he was out with friends x. I didn’t reply. Twenty minutes after that he texted to say he was home. I wasn’t sure whether that was yes, I want company or what, so asked if he’d had a good evening...he sent me a dove emoji?! I said I don’t know what that means, he sent a wink (by this stage I was totally confused) so asked if he was tired and ready for bed, or if he wanted to have some fun. He said night x.

I haven’t replied. Just feel a bit stupid. I don’t know if I pushed it too much or not, but if I’d know what he meant that would have helped. Nothing from him yet today.

I guess maybe we need to set some ground rules?

The dove emoji represents peace or truce so maybe it was his way of saying he was tired and not up for a visit from you.

If this thing with DYD is going to develop into an FB or FWB then you both need to agree level of messaging and meet ups.
I've had FBs where we messaged every day and met on agreed days and I've had some where we met on an agreed day per week and our only contact was a few hours before meeting to confirm.
I didn't develop feelings for any of my FBs no matter the amount of messaging or meetings.
You definitely need to keep your emotions out of it and try not to worry about being too much/needy/over the top.

With your parents I think you need to try and remember that this is just a few days and isn't something that hspoens every week or month.
Right now you're dreading it but if you can manage their visit it will help, if they are never ready until mid morning dont plan anything until late morning or after lunch and then no plans can be ruined.

As for the dishes either eat out more or buy more plates so you're not constantly washing up.

It is perfectly normal when a marriage or relationship ends to feel as though you've wasted part of your life.
You are still grieving and this feeling is very common.
I'm the same but I'm 3 years out - a few days a month I regret wasting 19 years with my husband and wonder why I put up with do much. The rest of the time I accept what my life was and try not to have regrets about not leaving sooner and that all the decisions made in those 19 years were made in good faith and I can't change it now...but thank f**k I'm out of it now😂

So how would you play it now @SortingItOut? Apologise or leave it?

Yes, we need to have that discussion. I rushed my fences - I’m new to this!

You’re right re grieving too. I’m a work in progress, no matter how well I’m doing.

Good lord, eat out more than once?! Nothing flaps them more than thinking I’m wasting money. I’m absolutely not above buying a frozen dish from the supermarket and decanting it though 😂 I could also get ahead and do something next week to put in the freezer. Re the plates, I’ve masses of those...but every single vegetable will be put into a separate side dish, every spoonful of condiment will get its own ramekin, napkins will be out at every meal and table laying is a competitive sport.

Just woken up from a 2 hour nap. Really needed that.

I wouldn’t worry too much about the DYD, I’d just brush it off like ‘oh well another time maybe’ and then see what he says and perhaps he will suggest the next meet up. It sounds like as you hadn’t made firm plans to meet up in the evening perhaps he thought it wasn’t happening. I think him telling you when he did get home was a signal to come over but he should have been clearer about it rather than the random emoji’s 😂

How much contact do you normally have with DYD?
If you do a daily check in or every other day check in then message as normal to see how his day has been.
Do NOT apologise as you have done nothing wrong.
Don't worry too much about the discussion for now but next time you meet maybe mention it.

Your parents cannot use every ramekin or side dish if you don't have loads to use.
Box them up and put them in the shed and tell them you don't have any😂

I did similar with my kids when all 10 dinner plates would have disappeared so there was nothing to eat tea from, so I boxed up all but 1 of everything (plus 1 for guest) and they're in the shed.
No one has missed them and it means everyone has to keep on top of their plates, bowls and cutlery being clean ✅

Good idea to get ahead by either making or buying food to have, that will ne 1 less stress.

Hooray for 2 hr naps😴

Your parents cannot use every ramekin or side dish if you don't have loads to use.
Box them up and put them in the shed and tell them you don't have any

This.

And if they threaten to buy you them, you reply you may have to move again so one less thing to box up

My PILs were like that @StuckInPollyannaMode. They did at least have their own bathroom, but the late start in the mornings was excruciating...
and as for every bowl, saucer to put bowl on, and teaspoon for said bowl and saucer!
Then a mention of not having seen the gold edged dinner service (well, you wouldn’t because I’d have to hand wash every blinking item!)
Argh!

Prep ahead would be my answer. Get a slow cooked casserole, or a curry (microwave rice) sorted. Maybe a home made ice cream stashed in freezer. A nice bit of cheese and grapes?
Nothing wrong with an artfully arranged salad with new potatoes. And asparagus is in season too. Keep It Simple...