DH just called me a *c**t, a w*nker and a selfish f*cling bitch

[21833efb]

Not really an AIBU but posting for traffic

Now the TV is up loud, he keeps telling me to f*ck off and giving me a death stare, telling me "Happy Saturday!", slamming doors and I can't go and sit with him as he will yell at me to f off

Because his alarm went of at 7.30 this morning as last night I told him to set it (he didn't have to, just knew he had things to do today)

Has a history of verbal/emotional abuse but always my fault

Currently upstairs shaking and scared, the cats are terrified and dog not happy either

Apparently I am selfish and don't look after him

Only last night he was talking about refuges for men and about how abusive women lie - think he had this morning planned all along.

I am supposed to be seeing my family tomorrow but might not go now.

Things have been OK for a while but it's blown up this morning out of nowhere and it's all my fault

The "remorse" is designed to get you back on the roller coaster he's driving. Sorry means not doing the same thing again, but he always does. Stupidity means doing the same thing again and expecting a different outcome, but there never is

He's not sorry: you're not stupid.

Telling your dad was a really smart move; he will be on your side and your abuser will be afraid of him. Abusers are all cowards at heart.

I'm sending you love OP. I went through 8 years of abuse with my narcisstic, vindictive, controling ex. It is incredibly hard to get out. It seems your DP is gaslighting you.

Keep onto all the women's organisations you can. If you have any access to money, can you start trying to save up some for you to get out? Can you claim any benefits or universal credit?

Hugs, OP. Lots of us have been there, and remember feeling too ashamed and confused and exhausted to reach out to others, and seeing no other way out but death. Fortunately it is possible to escape and you and your cats can have a much better life free of the abuse. Just take it a step at a time.

I'm so glad you've reached out to your DF. I remember what it felt like to finally start opening up to people and getting help. It was still a slow process but I got there in the end.

Another thing that helped me was the mantra "Everything that comes out of his mouth is potentially bullshit." This was heartbreaking, no one wants to think that about their partner, but I had to mentally protect myself from the lies and insults and abuse. I could finally stop dwelling on what he said and how much it hurt and how it wasn't true (being called a psychopath was one of my fav moments) and just think "That stuff is bullshit and I can ignore it."

take care

Remorse and charm and apology is all part of the cycle. I'm sure you are familiar with it.

@DogsSausages

His job is irrelevant he is a bully, be careful as he might know your attitude has changed a bit so might think you are planning on going. Try and get all your paperwork together and an emergency bag of clothes could your dad keep these for you somewhere safe.

She said her father was a retired military police officer, not her husband. I agree though, probably too dramatic a change in your outward attitude to him all at once isn't advisable. Play your cards close to your chest and present him with a fait accompli.

Thanks pog

@SamusIsAGirl

Be careful - I would react the way you usually react because I suspect he thinks you are about to leave - this is the most dangerous time. Try not to act too normal though since that will also arouse suspicion. Take care.

This. And I agree that his remorse is just more manipulation. Trust nothing he says or does.

I hope you got through to WA, hang on in there, there's light at the end of the tunnel

@21833efb

Forgot to mention DF is a retired military police officer

Feeling exhausted and wretched today but have still managed to drag myself to the gym.

Been on hold to WA all morning, can't get through to them or on their chat so will keep trying.

H is extremely remorseful especially for his behaviour last night - but I don't care anymore. I haven't cried at all.

You are ready to go enough is enough

Posting on MN saved my life

Your abuser sounds as vile as my ex
Please thread carefully cxxxxx

Well done on telling your dad. Thats a huge first step to take.

If you are such an awful person, as he says, why hasn't your DH left you? I'll tell you why - because he likes bullying you and making you tremble and cry. Its like a game to him.

Been through this when I had no children. He was verbally physically emotionally abusive. Was blackmailing me to stay with him. There is no can't, there is only must. I couldn't leave as it was my property, my mortgage. Every time he hit me I would tell him to leave and he would ring my family at work and threaten to tell them things I didn't want them to know. I had to live with him like this for a year. Then I told my family, no more ability to blackmail me. I said if he didn't leave I would ring the police. I wish I'd had your ability to leave back then. You can walk away , you have a car. I'd have left in a heartbeat if I hadn't had to stay. Put one foot in front of the other and walk out of the house and do not go back. As women we tell ourselves it's hard to leave, it keeps us there. But women do leave all the time. You will be made priority for housing. You may go into a b and b or temp accomodation or you can ask for women's refuge. You will not be homeless on the street. If you do not want social housing ask the local authority to help you with rent in advance or bond for private rental. They can offer this even if you are staying with dad. When you get a property a support worker can help you apply for furniture and grants. There is never any excuse for a man to do this, but it's never an excuse to stay because there are no other options. There are. Take control of your one and only life. Walk out get in your car and go. Now. And don't ever look back.

[quote Parkerwhereareyou]@Bythemillpond

Do you ever turn round and say “oh do fuck off it is getting boring”

Yes that's a good point - what does he say @21833efb if you tell him he's talking bollocks? I suppose just escalate it to a shouting match? :(

Great you told your dad - well done Xx

[/quote]
It isn't worth it. If I did this, as @Parkerwhereareyou says, it would just make things worse and I would yet again be told I have an attitude problem etc etc.

How are you?

@Queenie6655

How are you?

@Queenie6655 I'm OK thanks, head down and making plans.

That's good to hear . Keep strong but be careful

How is it going?

Glad to hear it, OP. Stay safe.

Hope you are ok 2183efb

Op how you keeping?

Hope you're ok OP?

@21833efb I think of you often. Hope you are ok

Just seen this old thread and hoping you are ok and somewhere safe now @21833efb...

The Cats Protection charity and Dogs Trust can help with foster care for pwts for women fleeing DV.

Hope you are doing well far away from him.