DH just called me a *c**t, a w*nker and a selfish f*cling bitch

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Not really an AIBU but posting for traffic

Now the TV is up loud, he keeps telling me to f*ck off and giving me a death stare, telling me "Happy Saturday!", slamming doors and I can't go and sit with him as he will yell at me to f off

Because his alarm went of at 7.30 this morning as last night I told him to set it (he didn't have to, just knew he had things to do today)

Has a history of verbal/emotional abuse but always my fault

Currently upstairs shaking and scared, the cats are terrified and dog not happy either

Apparently I am selfish and don't look after him

Only last night he was talking about refuges for men and about how abusive women lie - think he had this morning planned all along.

I am supposed to be seeing my family tomorrow but might not go now.

Things have been OK for a while but it's blown up this morning out of nowhere and it's all my fault

It won’t end well. Get out as soon as possible. Contact Women’s Aid and tell your family what’s happening before you become another sad statistic. And don’t blame yourself for his vile behaviour.

Op if you are in the north east of England pm me and I will help in anyway I can even if it’s a chat or a lift or a place to stay with your pets if you don’t mind staying with my well behaved children and pets

She has said many times that her DH believes he is being abused and that he truly believes OP doesn’t want him to be happy.

You're being ridiculous.

The OP has told us that she has told him to set an alarm and didn't get his washing out of the machine quickly enough. She has not described any behaviour she has displayed that is in the slightest bit abusive. However, she has described a range of abusive behaviours perpretrated on her that make it very clear that she is the victim.

There are also multiple examples of the abuser using the classic strategy of attaching her to undermine her self esteem and diminish her ability to recognise the abuse. Casting further doubt on someone's position when they are so vulnerable could be enough to prevent them from taking their last opportunity to leave.

There is nothing that suggest serious co-dependency here. Please stop suggesting it.

It's easy enough to go if you don't have kids. Sorry, but it's true, as they're the greatest entanglement of all.
Good luck

it's not easy to go if you have no money and your self esteem is on the floor due to living with a bullying arse. Unless you are the OP do not judge her situation because you are not living it.

Cats Protection used to run a scheme - sure that they still do - where they housed the cats of women seeking refuge form |DV.

@wewereliars

it's not easy to go if you have no money and your self esteem is on the floor due to living with a bullying arse. Unless you are the OP do not judge her situation because you are not living it.

@wewereliars Thank you

@Joinedjustforthispost Thank you that means a lot to me. Unfortunately I'm at the other end of the country but wish you or I were nearer.

You shouldn't be scared in your own house, that's definitely a rule to live by. You need to contact the police now and also women's aid for advice about a refuge in your area. You don't deserve this. Potentially a charity like The Cinamon Trust could find a foster caregiver for your cats until you find your own place. You deserve more from life than this. Goodluck.

You're welcome OP. I got away from a similar horror earler this year. It was very hard but I am now free and my life is my own. Ignore people who post crap for all sorts of self serving reasons. Plenty of people know exactly what your situation feels like, they are the ones sending you good wishes and support. Ignore the others

My ex husband ripped our one year old out of my arms ripping my nails off one of them left a faint scratch on his arm he stormed off with the baby screaming at me he was having me arrested for assault now he had "proof" I attacked him and my head was so messed up i believed him my fi gers were bleeding kids were screaming yet I thought I was going to be arrested and not allowed to see my kids it terrified me to the degree I begged for forgiveness and he generously gave me back the baby

I know where your at he is talking bullshit your better off away from him

Oh god four years to the day this happened to me
The loser was in the phone to a helpline saying he was so abused
It got worse

YOI MUST LEAVE
There are so many organisations
We can help you too on here

Gosh you poor thing
Or get the bastard out if you can
I would be straight to the police

So sorry you have been through this

@Ryeford

Why do women pick dickhead men ?

Welll many fcking disguise how awful they are Love bomb you then turn into a villain

Never ever put the blame on females

He's gone for a bike ride. I cannot get through to Refuge or WA. Can't stop crying now.

He said before going that he just wants me to be happy. Offered to get a takeaway. Says he loves me. But for me it's too late. If he wants me to be happy then he wouldn't be abusive.

Eyed up the stool and ropes in the garage but not going to attempt it.

Pile of his work shirts need ironing so doing that as if I don't it's just not worth it.

Contact Women's Aid as soon as you (safely) can. You know you need to leave this man - Women's Aid will help to give you the support you need to do it.

Be strong x

I’d rather sleep on the fucking street than spend another night with a man like this.

OP get yourself together, you need to go.

@Ohpulltheotherone

I’d rather sleep on the fucking street than spend another night with a man like this.

OP get yourself together, you need to go.

I know I need to go and I'm desperately trying to work out a way of doing so.

Eyed up the stool and ropes in the garage but not going to attempt it.

You clearly need to talk to someone urgently. Can you call your father or brother and get away from there?

Do you have access to shared accounts? That money is yours as much as it is his. You can’t take all of it, but you can use a reasonable amount to leave.

Barring that, contact women’s aid and ask for help. He doesn’t have to be hitting you for it to be abuse.

Whatever you do, keep your plans quiet. Don’t tell him anything. Don’t let him see what you are doing or get a hint that you are developing hope. Gather your documents and most precious belongings quietly. Use an incognito browser for web searches.

@MixedUpFiles no shared bank accounts.

@grapewine they are 3 hours away. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything.

Can you call your parents/brother right now and get on your way to theirs?

From there you can call WA and get your plan sorted.

Good luck. I had to live with a man like this (through no choice of my own, it was my mum's husband). I remember all the excuses and the way she was so stuck, blamed herself or me, if only she were the perfect homemaker he wouldn't be abusive...she started taking the abuse out on me and became another abuser. I left when I was 14. You can do it. It will be such a relief.

For my mum it was her things. She didn't want to leave without her clothes, posters, etc.

I would gladly burn all of my belongings to get away from another abusive situation if it happened again.

Make a plan, then one day when he's out pack your stuff and go to DBs or DFs, they will help you from there. Don't forget important paperwork, and try and get a bit of cash together. You could be free in a few days.

You can do this, and it will be okay.

Twenty five years. You must have the patience of a saint.