Is this symbolic of our entire relationship? Am I overreacting?

[Gathertherainbows]

I’m prepared to be told I’m overreacting
Several times in the last couple of weeks DH has left his key in the other side of the door so that when I get back with the dc we cannot get in.
He’s usually then busy on a work call (wfh) and although he knows we are there we have waited up to an hour for him to come and take his key out of the door so we can get in.
It’s usually been about half an hour but last week it was an hour and dd had to go to the toilet in the garden. We can get in the garden via the gate but still not into the house. She cried a lot because she just wanted to get in the house. In the end I took them down to the shop and came back but still couldn’t get in.
Maybe I just don’t understand how important business is but I don’t see why he couldn’t just say he had to go and open the door - he could even have blamed me and said he didn’t have his key.
I do feel it’s a bit symbolic of how we are, no way would I leave him outside with the dc - having been out since 7.30am themselves - for an hour just waiting around.

Said I didn’t have my key. Sorry. That makes more sense. Just said I’d forgotten key and made it my fault.

I’d feel like that was symbolic, yes - it’s the lack of regard and the fact you and DC seem to be second class citizens in your own house. How did he react knowing his own child had to go to the loo in the garden and was crying? Surely anyone would be mortified to find that out. It’s not even as if you can go to a cafe/library to wait it out these days.

YANBU. He's deliberately 'locking' you out of the house. Are there other problems?

That is a hideous way to behave.

You are not overreacting, he is locking you and your DC out of your house.

I don’t think he’s locking us out on purpose, it’s easy done to leave the key in the other side.
It’s the fact he won’t just leave the call for twenty seconds to say he has to let us in.
Let’s face it - everyone who is working at home have interruptions that they wouldn’t get in the office. It’s just how it is - I don’t see how anyone would he upset if he went and opened the door.

Wtf?

I've left my key in the back of the door before when DS or DH came home and I was on a work call.

I just say "oh sorry give me 2 minutes I've accidentally locked DS/DH out!"

I nip downstairs, unlock the door and go back up.

Not sure what his big deal is why he has to make you wait an hour other than that he's a bit of a dickhead.

I’m absolutely appalled that a father would leave his wife & child outside the house because he couldn’t pause his meeting long enough to solve the problem he caused.

We have a similar door set up & on the odd occasion it’s happened to us I expect whoever left the key in to sort it out immediately.

What does he say when you talk to him about it?
How is your relationship generally?

What ? If my husband did this even once he would not see the end of my wrath.

Why are you so passive ? Are you frightened of him ?

He is punishing you for some reason. This is not a loving relationship, he actually hates you.

Smash a window next time (slightly TIC).

Yes, I’m not upset about the actual leaving the key in the door. It’s the fact that he knows we are there and won’t come and open it.
Can any call be that important?
It’s just the last thing we need when it’s 4pm and we’ve been out since 7.30 and I need to get in to do dinner etc. I will start taking a back door key.

You sure he’s ‘working’ in there?

That's disgraceful. He's doing it on purpose. Of course he can excuse himself to let you in. I've had to excuse myself to let my dog in!

Why are you staying out so long with the children ?

He says sorry and that he was on an important call that he couldn’t break off.
It’s so frustrating when we are all tired and just want to get in the house and don’t know how long we will be waiting. The first time I thought oh it’ll only be a few minutes, but it was about half an hour the first couple of times. Then last time it was an hour. I took them to the shop and thought surely by the time we are back we will be able to get in but still no. Dd was wailing.

Firstly I thought he was doing something he didn’t want you to know about( wanking probably)
But leaving you outside for an hour is just ridiculous. I’d have been banging and shouting on that door hopefully embarrassing him in front of whoever he was on the phone with.

I take the dc to breakfast club and then go to work.
Then I pick them up when I’ve finished work.

You are not overreacting OP. This is awful! But only you can tell if it's symbolic of the rest of your relationship. Is he generally thoughtless and cruel and full of his own importance?

I don’t understand why anyone leaves their key in the lock on the inside but leaving that aside it is incredibly nasty to leave his wife and children unable to get into the house. I’m wondering what other mean treatment he dishes out if he’s capable of this.

And yes, I also thought he’s up to no good and doesn’t want to be disturbed.

Next time he leaves the house lock him out. Then say you are too busy to let him in for an hour.

I can see this happening once, by accident, but I’d it wasn’t accompanied by fulsome apologies I’d go absolutely mad! And if it happened again I’d be hammering on the door until he had no bloody option but to get up and open the door. I wouldn’t sit back and take it.

That is totally out of order. Even if the first time was an innocent mistake, the fact that it meant you couldn’t get in your own house should have meant it NEVER happened again. I’d be absolutely livid tbh.