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Original poster

Is this symbolic of our entire relationship? Am I overreacting?

881 replies

Gathertherainbows · 02/04/2021 11:33

I’m prepared to be told I’m overreacting
Several times in the last couple of weeks DH has left his key in the other side of the door so that when I get back with the dc we cannot get in.
He’s usually then busy on a work call (wfh) and although he knows we are there we have waited up to an hour for him to come and take his key out of the door so we can get in.
It’s usually been about half an hour but last week it was an hour and dd had to go to the toilet in the garden. We can get in the garden via the gate but still not into the house. She cried a lot because she just wanted to get in the house. In the end I took them down to the shop and came back but still couldn’t get in.
Maybe I just don’t understand how important business is but I don’t see why he couldn’t just say he had to go and open the door - he could even have blamed me and said he didn’t have his key.
I do feel it’s a bit symbolic of how we are, no way would I leave him outside with the dc - having been out since 7.30am themselves - for an hour just waiting around.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/04/2021 12:01

I can't understand why you are being so passive about this. He is doing this deliberately, for whatever fucked up reason, to punish you. Your husband is horrible.

MeridasMum · 02/04/2021 12:01

I am currently a senior manager and, therefore, have been through many levels and grades in work. I can't imagine any role I have been in where it wouldn't be ok to take 30 seconds to briefly deal with a personal issue. More time would also be fine - I say 30 seconds as I assume that is all this would take.

If I was on a call with someone in my team and found out this was how they were behaving, I'd be horrified. I would consider discussing bringing them back into the workplace if WFH wasn't working for their family.

Original poster
Gathertherainbows · 02/04/2021 12:03

We did bang on the door. I did assume he couldn’t hear us at first - because of having earphones in maybe. It makes no difference.

OP posts:
wombatspoopcubes · 02/04/2021 12:03

I've had a role where I occasionally had to urgently speak to surgeons during surgery. If even a heart surgeon can be disturbed during an open heart surgery to answer a phone call than he can be disturbed to open a bloody door!

thaimoon · 02/04/2021 12:04

That is awful op 😔 really unkind and I would be gutted to be treated that way

Auntycorruption · 02/04/2021 12:04

@Gathertherainbows

He’s on a work call. I know because when we go round the back we can see into the office. The first time I thought maybe he’d got his earphones in and couldn’t hear us so went round the back and wave and shouted and then he messaged me ‘one minute’ - thirty minutes later 🙄
That is SO disrespectful.

Have my first ever LTB.

No work call is too important to break off for 10 seconds to let your distressed family into the house. Absolutely ridiculous. I suspect this is the tip of the iceberg with him

Brefugee · 02/04/2021 12:05

Frankly? I'd have lobbed a brick through the window.

RestingPandaFace · 02/04/2021 12:06

That’s disgusting behaviour on his part. Don’t even ask him just get someone to fit one of these, and until then lean on the bell or ring it every 30 seconds until he answers, if you can see into his office then just hammer the door until he cracks.

Consider seriously whether he deserves a key.

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Wanderlusto · 02/04/2021 12:06

Umm no, once is an accident. Several times over the course of just a few weeks is deliberate. Selfish bastard.

torquewench · 02/04/2021 12:07

So effectively, he's telling you that you and your DC are of less importance to him than whoever he's on a call with. Whats he doing thats so important? Video guided brain surgery?

LannieDuck · 02/04/2021 12:08

Of course he could have taken 2 mins. Unless he was guiding someone through life-saving surgery, or perhaps he's a lawyer presenting his evidence in the middle of a court case?

But if he's just another manager on another call, then he's being an absolute arsehole, and he has a god complex.

I would have been furious when he finally deigned to let us in.

CombatBarbie · 02/04/2021 12:10

Once is an accident multiple times is deliberate and to leave you outside is just bloody nasty. I assume its a door that automatically locks when closed? If that's the case you need to make a mental note to remove the key from the door.

whataboutthecat · 02/04/2021 12:10

I think you might have to do the same to him. Can you ask him to take the kids out to play or something, then 'fall asleep' on the sofa from being so tired from being pregnant. Leaving the keys in the back of the door obviously. While it's not fair on dc it will hopefully stop the longer term unfairness on them so for the greater good? He may respond better to this. Obviously never let on you've done it on purpose, but if he's cross, you could then bring up the fact that he's done it to you and while it wasn't on purpose, maybe now he knows how awful it was for you?? It seems ridiculous to have to do this, but it's kind of giving him a get out incase he is just really thoughtless ans doesn't get how crappy his behaviour is.

I would also always have the back door key as well in future. If you find him doing it with the back door then as well, you know you have a big problem.

Original poster
Gathertherainbows · 02/04/2021 12:10

That’s how I feel.
No - he’s a manager, not a brain surgeon.
I think were the boot on the other foot he’d have been livid. I messaged him and said dd needs the toilet. She is reception. I mean come on. Just let us in. Also by this point having been out all day I just want to get in my house.

OP posts:
mrsohmaybeno · 02/04/2021 12:11

Wtf... that's insane! Leaving you outside for an hour!! I would have left him the first time he done that.

AnyFucker · 02/04/2021 12:11

Op, you are asking if this behaviour is symbolic of your whole relationship

You haven’t told us anything else. You have dodged questions as to why you are so passive and/or you are frightened of him. Can you elaborate ?

annie335 · 02/04/2021 12:11

Appalling behaviour. I would repeatedly bang on the door or put a bloody brick through the window! A one-off I could understand but if he's doing this repeatedly.. it's just not on.

PassMeTheWotsits · 02/04/2021 12:11

I would stand there and ring the bell constantly

KitchenFairy · 02/04/2021 12:13

@Brefugee

Frankly? I'd have lobbed a brick through the window.
I was going to say - the first time, he would know how displeased I was.

The second time there’d be a brick through his office window.

Unless he’s instructing someone to do complex brain surgery via zoom, there is absolutely no excuse. How contempt for you and his children is clear.

TheNorthWind · 02/04/2021 12:14

If I was knowingly locked out like that, especially more than once, then by the time his precious call was finished he'd be scared to unlock the door.

There is no way he couldn't nip out to at least grab the keys out of the lock so you could let yourselves in. I'm assuming your house isn't completely palatial and he's even working on the ground floor. So it would probably take about 20 seconds.

And he's done this not once, but repeatedly? Shock

Baconking · 02/04/2021 12:14

So he can message you during his important work call but can't turn his camera off for 30 seconds to open the door.

Unbelievable!! I would be fuming!

gannett · 02/04/2021 12:14

Several times in the last couple of weeks

This is what would make me most livid. I'm scatty and can easily imagine leaving my key in the door like this (luckily our flat doesn't work in this way). But if I'd made a stupid mistake that had inconvenienced my DP in this manner I'd redouble my efforts to not do it again. Repeating it SEVERAL times in the next TWO WEEKS? That's just a huge indication that he can't even be arsed to think of you.

Work meetings? Yes, I've had a few in my time that I absolutely couldn't have left for any reason short of an internet outage. But the vast, vast majority you can EASILY pop to the door to let someone in or collect a delivery. Even the "important" ones.

Anordinarymum · 02/04/2021 12:15

I wouldn't stand for this. I would have thrown a brick through a window. Disgusting

DazzlingHaze · 02/04/2021 12:15

That's awful and yeah I do agree that it's probably symbolic of your relationship in that it shows where he places you and the DC in his hierarchy of importance. For it to happen once is unacceptable but multiple times?! He must be doing it on purpose. I can't get over the fact your poor DD had to do the toilet in the garden when her own father was in the house and could have let her in to go to the bathroom!!!

StopCryingYourHeartOut · 02/04/2021 12:15

This is insane. I can't actually believe you're posting about this on here and not just have gone completely mental at him the first time he didn't let you in.
There would have been a brick through the window the first time he did it if it was me.

How did you express your anger at him the first time he did it OP?